Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Much like celebrity deaths, these scary skinny photos seem to come in twos and threes--though I'm not sure if my lil' heart can take much more. What fresh horrors will tomorrow bring? In the mean time, feast your eyes--if you dare!--on this bag of bones:


(photo via the uk daily mail)

I swear to God, Courtney Love is the spitting image of that dead flapper lady who was drowned in an olden timey car and haunts a bunch of ancient actors in Ghost Story. And not in a good way.

AAAAAAAAAAH!

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Ack! At first I thought this was a photo of a very tall-looking Ellen Pompeo from "Grey's Anatomy," but instead it is a very skinny-looking Kristen Johnson of "Third Rock from the Sun" semi-fame:


(photo via janet charlton's hollywood)

She is a comedian, people. Is she required to starve herself in order to get jobs? Uh, don't answer that.

Here's what she used to look like (back when she was healthy and rather fetching):



Sigh...

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Take a gander at this person and try to guess who it is:






Is it: a) Dita Von Teese, age 35

b) Bebe Neuwirth (age 50), possibly showing off her new witch's costume from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

c) a lesser-known offspring of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis going through a severe case of Hot Topic Fever, or

d) Evan Rachel Wood (age 20)?

If you guessed d), well, you're way cleverer than I am, because I had no idea who this was at first glance. Here's what Miss Wood, best-known for her lead role in the harrowing tweens-gone-amok movie 13, looked like before she sold her soul to beau Marilyn Manson:



Does she have parents? And does she realize she is now living the Kim Novak part in Vertigo?

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Remember when Mickey Rourke was known for being sex on a stick, not someone who made you want to poke your eyes out with a stick? Does recollecting this time make me ancient, like something out of Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All?

"In my day, there used to be a young whippersnapper in the moving picture shows named Mickey Rourke. Boy howdy, how he used to get my pulse a 'racin'! He was a strong feller, but with a whispery voice that like to give me a strong case of the vapors!"

Here's what he looked like in Diner:



And here's what he looks like NOW:


(image via janet charlton's hollywood)

I feel a bit faint--somebody get a Smelling Sandwich!

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

The only people more obsessed than me with Madonna's yucky vein syndrome are the British tabloids and The WOW Report, both of whom passed along this newest photo of Madge's disturbing claws:


(image via the uk daily mail)

Here's the full shot, so you can see the horror in context:



At first glance I thought she was clutching a scary wee dagger, but I think it's just a set of keys. That would have been kind of awesome, however...

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

This photo isn't so much frightening as it is flabbergasting:


(image via defamer.com)

Look at the expression on Soon-Yi's face! She probably thought the biggest trauma of her life would be marrying her adoptive father, but then she saw Donatella's sunburned-Janice-from-The-Muppets face and realized she was oh, so wrong...

(Second) Frightening Celeb Photo Of The Day

The WOW Report has a tidbit about Paris Hilton's ginormous size 11 feet, and it includes this horrifying close-up:




ACK! Those are some truly hideous clodhoppers! (Not to mention her bony old lady knees.) What is up with these celebs and their gross, disgusting veiny appendages?

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Eewww. I already disliked Patricia Heaton intensely (she is a rabid Republican and not very pleasant), and now she is freaking me out. Check out these photos and see if you can see what is missing from them:


(images via defamer.com)

Yes, Ms. Heaton HAS NO BELLY BUTTON. She had a tummy tuck and claims her "herniated belly button" necessitated the removal of said body part. YUCK. You can read about her icky surgery at The Huffington Post, if you dare.

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

AAAAAAAAAH! Check out Keith Richards' new ad for Louis Vuitton--if you dare:



He looks like something from Beetlejuice. And not in a good way.

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Here's a little twist on the usual Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day schtick: This time, try to guess the identity of the celeb! Here's your (cropped) picture, via the UK Daily Mail:



Hmmm....disturbingly veiny arms, bulging biceps...could be Madonna, but the hair's all wrong.

Are you stumped? Too terrified to keep looking?

Well, too bad. Let's take a look-see at the full photo:





Yes, it's Sarah Jessica Parker! Once again, I'd like to point out that total lack of body fat can be quite scary, not to mention aging (I'm talking to you, Courteney Cox!), although I do think SJP's face looks ok in this photo.

As a special bonus, I'm going to throw in one yucky Madonna arm picture, just 'cause that's how I roll:



Eeek! How'd you like to meet those arms in a dark alley, eh?

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Yuck. Check out this picture of Nicky Hilton, Paris' "classier" sister:


(image via pagesix.com)

Those bony knees look like something out of Shoah. And not in a good way.

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Eek! Courteney Cox has gotten waaay gaunt! She has that over-muscled/scary skinny Madonna/Crypt Keeper thing going on that is sooooo aging.

"After/Before" images via ohnotheydidnt via The WOW Report:





While we're on the subject of Cox, is anyone going to watch "Dirt" when it starts airing again on F/X? I can't decide. I had such high hopes for that show, but they were dashed--dashed, I say!--by last season's somehow lackluster, unenthusiastic embrace of over-the-top trashiness. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll probably watch it here and there and be mildly disappointed but eventually see every single episode twice, somehow or another.

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Yikes! I know Heidi Fleiss is not, shall we say, the most traditionally attractive former Hollywood madam, current owner of a laundromat called Dirty Laundry, and hopefully future propietor of a legal Nevada wind-powered "eco-brothel" for ladies who want to pay to sleep with dudes (I believe it will be called Heidi's Stud Farm), and let's give her a wee bit of leniency because this is a mug shot after she was arrested for DUI (along with her equally alarming-looking male passenger), but da-amn! From TMZ:



OK, actually the man is ten times scarier than Heidi. He's going to give me nightmares. But she's got some reaaaally bad trout lips, and her weird facial planes make me wonder if she's had some reconstructive work after the beatings she allegedly took from former beau Tom Sizemore. She's like some unholy combination of Miss Joan Van Ark and Hedda Nussbaum. AAAAAAH!

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Dear God. This photo of Mickey Rourke is from Janet Charlton's Hollywood, and Janet informs us that it was taken from a scene in a movie, but even so, I have to say EEEK!:



Mickey Rourke is the one without the mohawk. I think. Apparently he's playing a Hulk Hogan/Steve Austin-esque wrestler in a role originally intended for Nicolas Cage, who apparently wasn't enough of a grotesque for the part, which is really saying something. And that something is: AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

I don't want to be too mean about Dame John Travolta, because even though he's clearly a freak-a-deak nutty nutball Scientologist and possibly living a closeted lie with his beard/wife, he has always seemed like a sweet-natured fellow who means well; plus my childhood memories have always cast upon him a fuzzy rosy-hued 70s dreamy "Sweathogs" aura which only cruel time and perhaps this icky photo from Dlisted can erase:



I know, he doesn't look that bad. Not Courtney Love bad, certainly. But I do wonder: What has happened to the cast of Grease? Between totally tragic Felt Up Former Childhood Crush Jeff "Kenickie" Conaway in his wheelchair of sadness on "Celebrity Rehab" to the above ghoulish visage of a trying-to-hide-the-bald-with-two-tone-spray-on-hair "Danny Zuko," it's like a creepy cavalcade of craziness! A gallery of grotesquery! A danse macabre of decadent decay! Grease is absurd!

The ironic thing is that Miss Stockard Channing, who was like 100 years old when they cast her as "Rizzo," looks better than anyone!

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

In case you didn't see the terrifying photo of actress Raven-Symone that was on Go Fug Yourself today, or if you did and are still traumatized but would also like a helpful primer on her looks throughout the years, well, I'm here to help guide you through this difficult time. Breathe in the good, clean air! Breathe out the bad, scary Raven-Symone air! In! OOUUUUT!

First up, Raven-Symone as most of us remember her--a mildly annoying moppet on "The Cosby Show":



Next, Raven-Symone from her mildly annoying teen queen halcyon days of "That's So Raven!":




And as she appeared on Go Fug Yourself today, a mildly annoying freakishly wizened old hag of 23:



That's correct, folks. THIS PERSON IS 23 YEARS OLD! She is not a lesser-known member of the Jackson family! Or Paula Abdul's older sister! Or a former Supreme! I said 23!

Cleansing breaths, people. Serenity now!

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

The WOW Report, which dearly loves posting photos of Madonna's hideously deformed over-excercised hands/arms almost as much as your humble Felt Up blogette, just put up the "first 2008 closeup photo of Madonna's hand":



It's kind of like Groundhog Day. If Madonna's veins bulge bluish, there will be six more months of Pilates. If they bulge white, it's hot-room yoga until summer!

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

From Janet Charlton's Hollywood, I bring you the mother of all Frightening Celeb Photos:



Yes, it's Sylvester Stallone and his mom, Jackie. Who is the more grotesque? Which face is the least human? Who is more likely to terrify small children and animals?

I have to go with Jackie. But Sly is right on her tail...in a few years all those steroids are going to make his face explode, I predict.

Eek!

First Frightening Celeb Photo of 2008!

Posh looks scary as she and a rather dapper-yet-grim Becks leave a New Year's party in London last night:


(photo via the daily mail)

The Daily Mail compared her look to no-longer-alive French mime Marcel Marceau (heh!), but I think she's kinda got a Norma Desmond thing going...2008 is looking great already!

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Believe it or not, this is Janine Turner, who used to a) star on Northern Exposure, b) have cute brown pixie hair, and c) look human:


(photo via jezebel)

Ole Janine was fugged on Go Fug Yourself yesterday for looking like the poor man's Carol Channing in this photo :


(photo via Go Fug Yourself )

As the Fug Girls mention in their post, Janine is involved in some kind of Christian yoga and cattle-raising when she isn't bleaching her hair and making her face go away.