Cirque Du Celeb

Star magazine says that Kirsten Dunst has checked herself into the Cirque rehab center in Utah for alcohol abuse:

Spider-Man's Mary Jane made the decision to follow in the footsteps of Cirque patients such as Lindsay Lohan and Richie Sambora — after a week of wild parties at last month's Sundance Film Festival. Fellow actress Eva Mendes is also in the mountaintop facility right now. Mary-Kate Olsen was treated at Cirque for food issues.

"She desperately needed help," a source in Utah tells Star. "She seemed to be intoxicated when she checked in because she was acting really erratic. She was extremely emotional, constantly breaking down in tears.

"She not in a good place right now, but thankfully, she's getting the help she needs."

Kirsten, 25, has long had a reputation for partying, with bloggers giving her the unfortunate nickname of Kirsten Drunkst.

As a blogger I would like to state that I have never called her "Kirsten Drunkst" on this site, at least not that I can remember, mainly because a) it didn't occur to me, and b) I find her kind of dullsville.

She's one of those actresses who is both more appealing and less interesting because she looks like someone you might actually know, you know? As opposed to say, an Angelina Jolie or a Catherine Zeta-Jones, who seem like other-earthly genetic freaks designed to be Movie Stars (with the help of a surgeon or ten), Kirsten Dunst has the appearance of many a wan, skinny hipster you might see puking in the ladies' room at a show or trying on hooker leggings at American Apparel. I do like that Kirsten Dunst is not a cookie-cutter beauty, but at the same time the second she is off the screen I completely forget that she's alive. Which I'm sure she's grateful for, as most stars are.

I bet Eva Mendes is not someone you want to run into at "Celebrity Rehab: Cirque!" She seems like she might claw your eyes out and tell everyone you're fat. Richie Sambora might be fun to hot tub with; Mary-Kate probably has her own private wing, so you'd never see her. Lindsay Lohan would just make you cry, take your lip gloss, steal your fiancé and do it with him in the broom closet while you look for your credit cards. (I realize these celebs are not all there at the same time, but it's fun to imagine!)

Anyway, let's raise a glass to her speedy recovery, shall we? Down the hatch! Skol! Bottoms up! Hmmm, I guess that's kinda in poor taste, isn't it?...Oh, well. Cheers, lil' Drunkst!

Axis of Eva

Eva Mendes is in rehab, according to People:

Eva Mendes checked into Utah's Cirque Lodge and has been in the facility, which deals with substance-abuse problems, for several weeks.

"Eva has been working hard for the past year and made a positive decision to take some much-needed time off to proactively attend to some personal issues that, while not critical, she felt deserved some outside professional support. Out of respect for Eva's privacy, we do not wish to discuss further details," her rep told PEOPLE Friday.

Cirque Lodge became a familiar name last year, when Lindsay Lohan checked in for treatment. The substance for which Mendes is being treated has not been reported.

The news was first reported on TMZ.com.

At last year's Cannes Film Festival, Mendes told reporters that to feel comfortable doing a sex scene with Joaquin Phoenix in We Own the Night, which also starred Mark Wahlberg and Robert Duvall, she required a drink.

Eva Mendes is one of those very pretty actresses that have taken lots o' photos in their underpants and yet I have no idea who they are or when and how they became famous. She could drop out of the sky into my lap and I wouldn't be able to recognize her. She just doesn't register on my psyche AT ALL.

I will say, however, that she might need some serious psychotherapy--perhaps even shock treatments--while she's in there, if it is true that she "required a drink" to have a sex scene with Joaquin Phoenix. Wild horses couldn't keep me from that, let me tell you. 300 Spartans and the Persian army couldn't keep me from that. It takes a nation of millions to keep me back as it is. And, of course, the restraining order...

The Young And The Restless: Rehab Update!

Awww. Usually I'm glad when someone goes to rehab, but in this case it makes me a bit sad. From the Associated Press:

Sean Young has entered rehabilitation for alcohol abuse following a weekend outburst in which she was heckling from the audience at the Directors Guild of America awards.

The 48-year-old actress was escorted from the ballroom at the Hyatt Regency in Century City Saturday night after sparring with Julian Schnabel, who was nominated for "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly."

"Actress Sean Young voluntarily admitted herself yesterday to a rehabilitation center for treatment related to alcoholism," a statement from Insignia PR said Tuesday. "It is understood that Young has struggled against the disease for many years."

I'm sure it's the best thing for her, but if being a rummy was the cause of her long history of nutty nutballery, well, I'm just the teensiest bit disappointed that it may all soon come to an end. There's not that many actors out there who will cause this level of public ruckus at an A-list event; I'm not counting the Lohans and Spears and Hiltons of the world, of course. I'm not sure how Sean Young even got invited to this thing (she famously--and awesomely--crashed the Vanity Fair Oscar party in 2006), but I'm sure she provided a lot of sorely-needed entertainment and gossip-fodder for everyone involved. Maybe they can cure her alcholism without curing her insanity? Maybe? Hope springs eternal!

Amy Winehouse Finally, Maybe, Possibly In Rehab--For Now

When stuff like this has been discussed ad nauseum for months and months with tons of speculation and no hard facts, I don't like to join in the fray unless a respectable news outlet is involved, so I can blame them when it turns out to be wrong. So I was relieved to see that the NY Times just posted this Reuters report:

British soul singer Amy Winehouse, who this week appeared in video footage apparently showing her smoking crack cocaine, has entered a rehab clinic, her record company said on Thursday.

The troubled 24-year-old, who has been dogged by frequent suggestions of drug taking in recent months, has also cancelled a scheduled performance at an awards ceremony in France this Saturday, record company Universal said.

"After talks ... she has decided to go into rehab," the company said.

I hope it's true and that she stays in. Now we must face our own crisis: Endless "She Said Yes, Yes, Yes To Rehab" headlines for the next few thousand hours...

Our Long International Nightmare Is Over

Whew! Forget the crack, the heroin, the husband in prison--the real horror story with Amy Winehouse recently has been her bleachy orange hairdon't! So it was a great relief to note that she got her beehive back to black, and not a moment too soon:


(image via people)

Yay! Crisis over.

World Stunned That Amy Winehouse Does Drugs!

The intertubes are going nuts because an English tabloid has published pictures and video of Amy Winehouse smoking crack. I guess the big deal is that she's caught on film doing it? In front of her wedding picture? Because clearly, the fact that Amy Winehouse does a ton o' drugs is NOT NEW NEWS. The totally over-the-top hysterical UK Sun has the story and the video:

WILD AMY WINEHOUSE was filmed blitzed out of her skull and struggling to talk after sucking in crack fumes from a glass pipe.

The tormented singing sensation took hit after hit of the deadly drug after a 19-minute binge in which she snorted powdered ECSTASY and COCAINE.

And she admitted she had just popped six VALIUM pills to “bring myself down”.

Amy’s spiral of self-destruction was revealed in a harrowing video filmed at her East London home and seen by The Sun.

It will horrify relatives and friends who fear she could soon end up dead.

The footage also laid bare the Back To Black singer’s squalid lifestyle as she stumbled around in a grubby vest surrounded by junkies and parasitic hangers-on.

At one point, lank-haired Amy is warned to watch out for smashed glass on the floor as she scours a bedroom for her kitten barefoot.

The dazed and confused star accuses a guest of taking the pet from a quiet room into the drug-fuelled hubbub of her house party.

She mumbles wearily: “If I was that cat I’d leave on my own accord — I’d call a cab. It ain’t right. This ain’t Toys R Us. They took my cat.”

Oh, boy. This is terrible and sad (somehow the part about the cat both breaks my heart and makes me giggle), and I fear for her sanity and life, but again, why is anyone on earth surprised by all this? IT'S AMY WINEHOUSE. It's like when Kate Moss' cocaine pictures caused everyone to have a giant cow, and I was like, "uh, she's a MODEL and she dates PETE DOHERTY, and you're shocked, shocked to find out that coke snorting is going on?" People just slay me with their feigned shock and judgment.

Update: Winehouse Out of Jailhouse Now

Amy Winehouse has been released from jail on bail. Did she have the bail money hidden in her 'hive? I fervently hope so!

Developing!

Winehouse In The Jailhouse Now

Why do I get the feeling that this can only end in tears? From TMZ:

Singer Amy Winehouse has been arrested on suspicion of "perverting the course of justice" -- the UK's version of interfering with a police investigation.

TMZ has confirmed that the arrest was made "by appointment" in London today.

Last month, Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, was arrested for the same thing -- related to the case of an alleged assault on a bartender last June.

Well, at least she and her cad rent boy nogoodnik husband can be together, sort of. Since this is England and not Brazil, they'll most likely be in sex-segregated areas of the jail.

Poor Amy. What more can her frighteningly frail lil' body/psyche take? And most importantly, how will this affect the Grammy's? If they get "very special guest" Gwen Stefani to sing "Rehab" in her place I will have no choice but to stab myself in the eye with a fork in protest.

Developing...

Cruisin' For A Bruisin'

Oh, Lordy. After Amy Winehouse and her dodgy nogoodnik cad rent boy husband were in a huge bloody brawl in a hotel lobby, Amy decided to "set the record straight" by compulsively text messaging Perez Hilton, of all people. From The UK's Daily Mail:

Singer Amy Winehouse has defended her husband in a series of texts after the couple were involved in a violent row which left them both bloodied and bruised.

Amy denied Blake was the cause of the argument, 24 hours earlier after which the 23-year-old singer, who has spent most of the summer in and out of rehab for crack and heroin addiction, was seen with bandages covering her arm, blood-spattered shoes and a gashed knee.

And in a series of texts between the Rehab singer and celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, she defended her husband who she claimed "saved my life".

Amy told Perez: "Blake is the best man in the world. We would never ever harm each other... I was cutting myself after he found me in our room about to do drugs with a call girl and rightly said I wasn't good enough for him. I lost it and he saved my life."

Hmmm....poor Amy. We'll just have to see how everything plays out, but this lot are starting to make Pete Doherty and Kate Moss look like Prince Charming and Cinderella. Does the UK have a show like our totally addictive (as it were) series "Intervention"? And if so, what would I give to see the Amy Winehouse episode of said show? A lot, my friends. Perhaps even MY VERY SOUL.

Amy Winehouse In House With Wine After All?

The UK's New Musical Express is reporting that Amy Winehouse has not actually entered rehab, but has instead esconced herself in a London hotel to dry out:

Amy Winehouse is recovering from her suspected overdose in a hotel in London, and has not entered rehab, as had been previously reported in the UK press.

Reports have suggested that Winehouse suffered from a drug overdose at 1am on Wednesday (August 8), and was treated with an adrenaline shot before her stomach was pumped.

Despite newspaper reports that the singer had entered The Priory rehab clinic, the latest information is that she has locked herself in a London hotel room to recover.

Well, that sounds about right: Party hardy, overdose, collapse, get stomach pumped, have adrenaline shot, check into hotel, order room service. What could possibly go wrong?

Amy Winehouse In House Without Wine

As predicted, Amy Winehouse has been admitted to London's The Priory for a drug rehab program. Acccording to the UK Sun, her overdose was the result of a three-day binge she embarked upon immediately after arriving in London after performing at Lollapalooza in Chicago earlier in the week. Besides vast quantities of vodka-n-lemonades and whiskey downed at old-man pubs near the airport, she allegedly took a crapload of ecstasy, cocaine, and Ketamine until she eventually went into a k-hole, had some kind of a fit, and had to be carried off to the emergency room by her dodgy nogoodnik cad rent boy husband and a female friend.

Glamorous!

Also, as predicted, the "Rehab" puns are flying fast-n-furious on the interwebs...

Lindsay Lohan Mug Shot!

Ever notice that the worse she's doing, the more she looks like her mother?

Lindsay Lohan DUI Leads To Shocking--SHOCKING, I SAY!--Coke Bust

Huzzah! Not only was Lindsay Lohan arrested for DUI last night, but cops found la cocaina in her car! From TMZ.com:

In a press conference this afternoon about the arrest of Lindsay Lohan, cops say they found a "usable amount" of a drug at the scene, which they say was cocaine. Lt. Mitch McCann of the Beverly Hills Police Department would not say where the drug was found, but it was "not on her person."

Police tell TMZ that 20-year-old Lohan and two other adults were in her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible when she lost control and crashed into a curb and trees in Beverly Hills around 5:30 AM. After the crash, police say LiLo got into another car and was driven to Century City Hospital where she was treated for minor injuries that involved "something to her upper chest area." Police said the two other people in her car were not hurt.

Officers received a 911 call about the accident and "tracked Ms. Lohan to the local hospital, where she was ultimately placed under arrest" for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Lt. McCann said it appeared as if Lohan was speeding and lost control. She was cited and released and will have to face a judge.

Oooh, girl! That injury to your "upper chest area"--did you rupture an implant or what? All I can say is thank you, Ms. Lohan. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, for saving us from the slowest non-news week ever! By being too dumb and/or arrogant to avoid driving drunk, and then forgetting your stash of drugs, you have brightened my existence and made me glad to be alive. Kudos, LiLo, kudos! Don't go changin'!

Stay tuned for more details, mug shots, etc. as they become available!



UPDATE: See a video of the crash scene here.

Back To Blake

(photo via dlisted)

According to Us Weekly, Amy Winehouse has wed her fiance in Miami:

Amy Winehouse said "Yes, yes, yes!" The singer married fiancé Blake Fielder-Civil on Friday in Miami Beach, her rep confirms to Usmagazine.com.

“Amy Winehouse did get married to fiancé Blake Fielder-Civil this morning in a very private, intimate ceremony. They are very happy."

The 23-year-old “Rehab” singer is currently in Miami shooting a spread for Rolling Stone.

Following the ceremony, the couple celebrated their union with piña coladas and mudslides poolside at the Shore Club before heading to the beach.

(photo via usweekly)

“They look so happy and in love,” a witness at the hotel told Us. “She wore shorts and a tank top. They were all over each other."

Hmmm...I give this one about a year, tops. The guy she married is the same one who cheated on her and led to her writing an album's worth of heartbreak songs (her latest, Back To Black) about him, and then when said album was a worldwide smash hit, he suddenly realized how much he loved her and proposed. I wouldn't trust the guy further than I could throw him. She, however, looks like she wouldn't be able to throw a safety pin more than a foot with those tooothpick arms of hers.

On the upside, at least she averted a harrowing David Gest tooth-hole rape!

PS
Look for Amy to be on the cover of both Spin and Rolling Stone next month. She's taking over the world, one drink at a time!

UPDATE: 5/21: Well, this certainly isn't a good sign:

Fielder-Civil has reportedly been boasting that Winehouse didn’t force him to sign a pre-nup agreement.

"Blake has been singing: 'They tried to make me sign a pre-nup, but I said no, no, no' to the tune of her 'Rehab' song," a source claimed.

"Some of the people that know him have nicknamed him Anna Nicole Smith because they think he’s only after her money."

(from iAfrica via The WOW Report)

(photo via dlisted)

The Hoff Keeps Gettin' Hassled

Oh, lordy. A sad and pathetic videotape of a drunken David Hasselhoff slumped over shirtless on the floor of his Las Vegas dressing room has been making the rounds. I'm having trouble loading the video, but go to Entertainment Tonight Online if you want to play the tape for your own sick amusement:

In what appears to be a cry for help, ET has obtained exclusive video of DAVID HASSELHOFF in Las Vegas -- where he is currently starring in The Producers -- in which he appears to be intoxicated in heartbreaking footage believed to be taken three months ago by his 16-year-old daughter, TAYLOR.

In the video, Taylor begs her father to stop drinking, saying, "Dad, look what this is doing to you. You have to stop drinking alcohol, promise me you won't drink anymore."

She also warns him that he could lose his stage gig if he doesn't sober up.

"The doctor's coming over early ... if you have any alcohol in your system, you're gonna be fired from the show."

David appears intoxicated, lying on the floor, wearing only a pair of blue jeans while attempting to eat a hamburger.

In a statement to ET, David says:

"I am a recovering alcoholic. Despite that I have been going through a painful divorce and I have recently been separated from my children due to my work, I have been successfully dealing with my issue. Unfortunately, one evening I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse.

Because of my honest and positive relationship with my daughters who were concerned for my well being there was a tape made that night to show me what I was like. I have seen the tape. I have learned from it and I am back on my game. I thank God for the love and concern from my daughters. The tape was never meant to become public, but got into the hands of individuals who are not worthy of mentioning, who maliciously released the tape for their own self purpose. I hope that someone else will learn from the tape, as I have."

David has had a long and difficult struggle with alcohol problems. He checked himself into the Betty Ford clinic for alcoholism in July 2002. Two years later, he was arrested for drunk driving. Last July, he was banned from a flight at London's Heathrow Airport because authorities believed he was too intoxicated to fly.

Earlier this week, David's ex-wife PAMELA BACH told ET how difficult their divorce has been on everyone.

"It's a year and a half of hell that me and my daughters have been through," she said.

I only have one wee question: Who on Earth would pay to see David Hasselhoff in a Las Vegas production of The Producers? Well, actually, I might, if it was a) guaranteed he'd be drunk out of his mind, and b) was co-starring with David Cassidy.

There will surely be much merriment and ridicule of this tape, but I find it all rather tragic. On the other hand, isn't he some kind of wife-beater? Hmmm...now I sort of can't wait to watch Best Week Ever and get Frangela's reaction!

I THOUGHT That Last Collection Looked A Little Weird...

Breaking news from Women's Wear Daily! (If I had a nickel for every time I heard that.):

Marc Jacobs has checked himself into rehab.

After seven years of sobriety, the designer relapsed recently and decided to undergo a second round of in-patient rehabilitation for drug and alcohol abuse. The day after showing his Louis Vuitton collection in Paris, Jacobs, who has publicly acknowledged substance abuse problems in the past, left the French capital and flew to a treatment facility in Arizona.

Reached for comment earlier today Jacobs’ business partner Robert Duffy confirmed the rumor that had started to circulate around New York. “Marc made the right decision,” Duffy said. “He’d been sober for seven years. When he relapsed, he wanted to deal with it right away.

“According to the experts, such a relapse isn’t uncommon,” Duffy continued. “Thankfully, Marc recognized the problem himself and chose to deal with it. Obviously, our prayers are with him.”

Broken Promises?

Oh, lordy. "Entertainment Tonight"'s website is reporting that Britney Spears has checked herself out of rehab--again:

Sources tell ET that BRITNEY SPEARS left Promises residential treatment center in Malibu, CA early this morning -- less than 24 hours after checking into the facility...

This shocking move comes on the heels of People magazine's report that last week the singer checked in and abruptly checked out of ERIC CLAPTON's Crossroads Centre, a rehab facility in Antigua, leaving after just one day and returning to Southern California on Friday.

I would say "this is getting ridiculous," except Britney became 100% ridiculous a few years ago. Of course, this story could be completely untrue and right this very second Britney is vomiting like crazy and being forced to mop bathrooms just like the movie 28 Days starring Sandra Bullock, but somehow I don't think so. I have the feeling she is, instead, on her way to the nearest tattoo parlor to get a deeply meaningful teensy tattoo of a pink teddy bear on her other wrist to commemorate her second trip to rehab; afterwards, she will go directly to her new favorite wig shop to buy a ginormous blonde afro; then after a quick stop at 7-11 for her usual repast of Cheetos and Red Bull (mixed with vodka, ya'll!), she'll just slather on some zit cover-up, shimmy into a skintight hooker outfit, shed her underpants, and will be ready to hit any Hollywood night club where there is the faintest glimmer of a chance of her being able to stalk Justin Timberlake.

This girl is filling me with dread...tinged with glee.

UPDATE: Can I call it or can I call it?

"EXTRA" is reporting that Spears tried to get into a tattoo parlor before going home but it was closed.

There's no joy in being right about these things...

Weeellll, I have to admit there is some joy in it.

Oh, who am I kidding? It's awesome! I'mrightI'mrightI'mright! Go Felt Up, it's your birthday, we're gonna party like it's your birthday...

Wigging Out, Checking In

Britney Spears is back in rehab! Huzzah, ya'll!

From People:

Britney Spears has entered rehab, the singer's manager Larry Rudolph, confirms to PEOPLE.

"Britney Spears has voluntarily checked herself into an undisclosed rehab facility today," Rudolph says in a statement. "We ask that the media respect her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time."

The latest news caps off a wild holiday weekend for the pop star, who shaved her head, got two new tattoos and was spotted partying in West Hollywood over the last several days.

Last week Spears, 25, visited Eric Clapton's Crossroads Centre in Antigua but left after just one day and headed to Florida, a source told PEOPLE on Friday.

No word on whether or not Brit was wearing her Carol Channing/JT Leroy wig when she went in, but I choose to believe she was and then was immediately taken down in a chokehold by rehab staff members under the orders of her mother, who shrieked "Get that tacky wig offa my lil' baby, ya'll! If you have to, USE THE GODDAMN TAZER!" at the orderlies. Also no word on whether or not this is a real, actual rehab or one of those waltz in-waltz out-keep on drinkin' Lindsay Lohan in Wonderland-type rehabs. The way Brit has been carrying on lately, she should thank her lucky stars she isn't trapped in a Frances Farmer-esque snake pit getting her bald noggin electrshocked...

Something Wild

Say it ain't so, Ray! Felt Up Crush Emeritus Ray Liotta has been busted for DUI. From the Associated Press:

Actor Ray Liotta was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence after crashing his car into two parked vehicles in Pacific Palisades, authorities said.

Liotta, 52, was taken into custody just before 8:30 p.m. Saturday and booked on a misdemeanor DUI charge, said Los Angeles Police spokesman Mike Lopez.

He was released after posting $15,000 bail and ordered to appear in court next month, Lopez said.

What a bummer, man. It's only fun when creeps like Nicole Richie do this crap. At least no one was hurt, I guess.

Sigh...

Like, Ohmigaw--Rehab Is Too Hard, Ya'll!

TMZ is reporting that before "Extra" could even get its "Britney Checks Into Rehab!" story on the air, La Spears has already checked out of rehab:

As "EXTRA" first reported, the pop star entered a rehab facility two days ago. Now TMZ has learned that the center was located outside of the country, and she refused to stay.

TMZ is told that Britney checked in at the urging of friends and family, after being seen intoxicated in public places and was so "exhausted" on New Year's Eve she collapsed.

According to TMZ sources, Britney is on her way back to Los Angeles.

A rep for Britney could not immediately be reached for comment.

Britney's reps "could not immediately be reached for comment" because they are running around berserk like chickens with their heads cut off, frantically trying to come up with some way to spin this "she's-getting-help-oh-wait-no-she's-not" story in some halfway positive-sounding way. Good luck with that, flacks! That's why you get paid the big bucks!

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall when Britney first realized that "rum-n-Gatorade" wasn't on the rehab menu that day!