Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Take a gander at this person and try to guess who it is:






Is it: a) Dita Von Teese, age 35

b) Bebe Neuwirth (age 50), possibly showing off her new witch's costume from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

c) a lesser-known offspring of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis going through a severe case of Hot Topic Fever, or

d) Evan Rachel Wood (age 20)?

If you guessed d), well, you're way cleverer than I am, because I had no idea who this was at first glance. Here's what Miss Wood, best-known for her lead role in the harrowing tweens-gone-amok movie 13, looked like before she sold her soul to beau Marilyn Manson:



Does she have parents? And does she realize she is now living the Kim Novak part in Vertigo?

Under The Same Sky

I love love love this Gawker Stalker sighting of Alec Baldwin today:

E 72nd St & Madison Ave
Apr 1st, 2008 @ 1pm
A surreal sighting of Alec Baldwin who had to have been completely hungover. The thing is, a white yap dog was tied up barking out front and he came out and started barking with it. I bet he was still drunk. Bloated and hair all over AND barking, but I have to say totally hot. Got in waiting black car and drove off.

Crazy, bloated, drunk, hair all over the place, barking like a dog--and totally hot. This stalker has my exact taste! I bet if this same person saw a deranged, grey-haired, puffy Vincent D'Onofrio on all fours, snarling like a tiger, they'd be as turned on as I would be!

It warms my heart to know that I am not alone.

This-N-That

Here are a few teensy, tiny tidbits to start your week:

First up, apparently it is possible that Heath Ledger might have fathered a love child back when he was 17, although the source of this information is his estranged uncle. This may turn out to be completely untrue, so stay tuned. I feel more and more sorry for his ex, Michelle Williams, though, I must say...



In other dead people non-news, crazy old blowsy broad Courtney Love is claiming that "con men" have ransacked the estate of Kurt Cobain. She left some kind of ranting, irate message at the New York Post shrieking that a couple of thieves stole Cobain's social security number and went on spending spree that might force his mother and sister to lose their homes. But don't worry, she says Scotland Yard are on the case. On the other hand, she might be insane.



And finally, check out this photo and see if you can figure out who it is:


(image via janet charlton's hollywood)

Give up? Why, it's Lara Flynn Boyle! I had no earthly idea who it was until Janet Charlton told me so! Look at those crazy cheek implants and trout lips! She's only 38!

OK, gotta start work on the epic "Rock of Love" recap. OMG. Can you believe Daisy had a "friendship" with CC Deville?

The Starvation, Horse Pill, and IV Diet!

dextroamphetamine 10mg (14.5 tabs); adderall xr 20mg (19.0 capsules) image via flikr

I looove this kind of thing! The UK Daily Mail has an article today all about the crazy ass things celebs do to be skinny--despite telling the world their thinness is due to "great genes," yoga, walking the dog, or "chasing after" their toddler. (That crap makes me so mad! ) Most of it I'd heard before--cocaine, Adderall, fasting, horse pills, chain-smoking, coffee addiction, workout bulimia--but there are some new ones in there, too, such as:

*only eating a couple of boiled eggs a day OR only eating peanuts and Diet Coke

*consuming only master-cleanse and laxative tea

*checking into the hospital to be fed by IV

Marcia Cross says that her life is a "living hell" and that she is basically being "paid not to eat"! One celeb spent her birthday at the gym! Katherine Heigl would rather die of lung cancer than be fat!

Sometimes I'm really glad I'm not famous.

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Eewww. I already disliked Patricia Heaton intensely (she is a rabid Republican and not very pleasant), and now she is freaking me out. Check out these photos and see if you can see what is missing from them:


(images via defamer.com)

Yes, Ms. Heaton HAS NO BELLY BUTTON. She had a tummy tuck and claims her "herniated belly button" necessitated the removal of said body part. YUCK. You can read about her icky surgery at The Huffington Post, if you dare.

Kimora Demands More-a

Now here's the kind of non-news story that fills me with delight! According to Page Six, Kimora Lee Simmons has it written into her contracts (for personal appearances, I presume, since she has no immediately apparent talents beyond fabulosity) that underlings must fill her glass with champagne whenever her bubbly gets down to one inch in depth. And when she's drinking water, only Fiji water is acceptable. AWESOME.

I would very much like a contract rider like that. Whenever I'm sitting around Felt Up HQ in my robe and fuzzy slippers, covered in Corgi hair, holding forth on the important issues of the day, and my glass of champers hits that critically low level, I want to snap my fingers and get some service, pronto, from silent lackeys carrying bottles of Veuve Cliquot.

It could happen, right?

A Different Kind of Bump For Winehouse

(image via tmz.com)

BREAKING NEWS: Amy Winehouse has impetigo on her face, according to People:

What's up with those bumps on Amy Winehouse's face? The singer has been diagnosed with impetigo, her spokesman confirms to PEOPLE.

It's a bacterial skin infection that causes pimple-like lumps – and is "is highly contagious, and scratching or touching the sores is likely to spread the infection to other parts of the body as well as to other people," according to the Mayo Clinic's Web site.

And yes, Winehouse, 24, had been prescribed drugs ... in the form of antibiotics.

As for how the singer's feeling, "She's fine," a pal tells PEOPLE. "She's not hiding away. She's never been one to care what people think."

Yes, it's the bottom of the barrel of non-news. I KNOW.

Penn Pal?

I have to admit that I was more interested in "Rock of Love 2: Rodeo Boogaloo" than the Oscars the other night, mainly because this year's Academy Awards were a snoozefest. With the exception of almost going into cardiac arrest during Javier Bardem's acceptance speech (especially the part en español!), I found the whole thing kind of boring and lame.

Anyway, because of the above, I didn't get around to addressing the big story out of the Oscars. No, not Rebecca Miller's heinous dress--I'm talking about perennial sleazeball Sean Penn dating famous-for-losing-her-fiance-in-the-tsunami Petra Nemcova, of course! Apparently the 47-year-old actor and the 28-year-old model, who met through her charity, were together all over the place this weekend, even though he's only been separated from his long-suffering, soon-to-be-sainted wife Robin Wright Penn for less than 2 months. So tacky!

Speaking of tacky, I have always found Ms. Nemcova, who showed up at last year's Oscars with British singer James Blunt, to be a bit of a sap. Sure, I feel sorry for her painful ordeal, but she's been milking that tsunami for all its worth for a while now. And I think she's rather silly looking, in a pageant queen sort of way. Sean Penn looks ridiculous with her, like an aging ghoul with a mail-order bride:



Sure, I think Sean Penn is a great actor. Sure, I'm looking forward to his portrayal of Harvey Milk and the potentially hot gay sex scenes with James Franco, Diego Luna, and/or Emile Hirsch. But that doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life watching his extended midlife crisis play itself out in the tabloids. He's well on the road to becoming the humorless, holier-than-thou, uncharming version of Jack Nicholson (whose randy old rascal shtick is rapidly working my last nerve, by the way). Can there be any worse thing on Earth? I mean, besides famine and war and stuff.

The Turner Diaries

It's a slooooow non-news day, folks. The best I can come up with is that freaky grotesque Nicolas Cage is suing crazy old blowsy broad Kathleen Turner for libel in a London court over the claims in her autobiography that he was arrested twice for drunk driving and once stole a Chihuahua. From Us Weekly:

On Friday, Nic Cage’s attorney began libel proceedings against Kathleen Turner at London’s High Court.

Cage, 44, is suing Turner, his former Peggy Sue Got Married co-star, 53, for writing in her new autobiography Send Yourself Roses that the actor was busted for two DUIs and once stole a Chihuahua.

Turner writes, “He caused so many problems. He was arrested twice for drunk-driving and, I think, once for stealing a dog. He'd come across a chihuahua he liked and stuck it in his jacket.”

But in a statement issued last month, Cage fired back: "I have never been arrested for anything in my life, nor have I stolen a dog.”

Cage's lawyer tells New York's Daily News, "If he doesn't get a retraction, he intends to go full speed ahead with litigation in the U.S."

I can understand Nicolas Cage being upset over the DUI thing, if in fact that is untrue, but stealing a Chihuahua? Is he really going to get his knickers in a twist over something as ludicrous as that? Also, the British have much, much stricter libel laws than us freewheelin' hicks in the US. Here's a quote from the New York Times quote about a totally different libel case:

British publishing has long been notoriously hamstrung by the country's libel laws, which place the burden of proof on the defendant and often make it prohibitively difficult for authors to win their cases if they are sued.

Usually they are much more careful about what gets published there, as opposed to the US, where we'll publish anything. So even though Kathleen Turner is a notorious nutty nutball, I think it is more likely than not that the stuff in her book is true. If Cage was arrested but the charges were dropped, I'm sure he would get his record completely expunged. And how in the hell can he prove he never stole a Chihuahua? They're so wee he could probably fit a couple of those rascals under his toupé without anyone being the wiser.

Try growing a sense of humor along with your hair plugs, Nicolas Cage! Leave Kathleen Turner alone with her memories of former glory and her endless bottles of whatnot and go play with your Elvis dolls, knife collection, and child bride. Or whatever it is you do when you're not stealing Chihuahuas...

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Access Hollywood claims, in a deep, insightful "think piece" about rehab, insanity, Buddhism, and Britney Spears, that this is a photo of Miss Courtney Love:



Having watched the "Lost" premiere last night, I'm not so sure. Perhaps this is a figment of my imagination. Or an alien. Or something else not...quite...human. Or my dark, shameful past come back to haunt me. Or a polar bear. Or purgatory. Or a powerful electromagnetic forcefield that distorts time and space.

Or the end of the world as we know it.

Britney Loses Mind, Taken To Hospital On Gurney--Again

(image of Spears' peeps via People)

Lordy, ya'll. I'm sure most of you know by know that poor ole Britney Spears was taken by yet another police-ordered ambulence for yet another 72-hour hospital psychiatric evaluation last night. According to People:

Britney Spears was hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center for a psychiatric hold early Thursday morning, after being transported by ambulance from her Studio City home around 1 a.m.

An LAPD source tells PEOPLE: "Spears was escorted by police and is on her way to get help."

The singer, 26, was transported to UCLA for treatment and evaluation during a 72-hour emergency hold, known as a 5150.

"She went willingly. It was like something in her heart was telling her she should go. She knew something was wrong," confidant Sam Lutfi tells PEOPLE.

Police or a mental health professional can request one if a person is deemed to be a danger to herself or others. (Spears was held at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center on such an order earlier this month, following her Jan. 3 custody standoff with police.)

Spears's mother, Lynne – who's in the midst of a tense reunion with her daughter – friend Alli Sims and Lutfi were all inside the gated mansion when police and the fire department arrived.

What brought on the hospitalization? "She was driving around her neighborhood like a mad-woman," says a Spears family source. "Britney has been prescribed medication which she refuses to take. This is just another sad, sad evening."

Lutfi and Spears's father, Jamie, arrived at the hospital shortly after the singer. Her mother was later spotted leaving the Summit home with Spears's photographer beau, Adnan Ghalib, in the backseat.

Earlier in the night, Internet rumors claimed that the singer had attempted suicide, but Lutfi and Sims both denied those claims to PEOPLE.

Hmmm...this obviously doesn't sound like the whole story. Britney Spears was driving around like a madwoman and refused to take her meds? What else is new? That's just a Day In The Life for Brit-Brit. I bet something else happened...perhaps Angelina's pregnancy got her lil' mind to thinkin' about a stunt to get back on the cover of the tabloids? As I've said before, I cannot decide if she is genuinely mentally ill, a degenerate drug addict, or a master press manipulator hellbent on staying in the public eye at any cost. Or perhaps all three. So confusing!

I don't trust TMZ much for its accuracy (I know, it's not like People is much better, but in the pecking order of trashy celeb news outlets, People is like the Holy Bible compared to TMZ), but here's their account:

Last night, Britney's new psychiatrist went to her home and felt she was a danger to herself and others -- partly because of her reckless driving and partly because of her "downhill behavior." As a result, the shrink launched a plan (days in the making) to have Britney committed to UCLA Medical Center by calling the cops.

Sources tell us the cops knew it was coming. In fact, the plan was for cops and paramedics to take Britney away the night before, but it was scrubbed. Last night, it all went down according to plan. Cops even used code to minimize craziness in transporting Britney to the hospital. Over the police radio, she was referred to as "The Package."

Before the cops arrived, the shrink told her she was going back to the hospital and she offered no resistance. She said, "Is something wrong?" She made hot chocolate and waited. Her mom, Lynne, got extremely agitated, accusing Sam of engineering the impending commitment. We're told Brit told her to "shut the hell up." She demanded silence, sat on the floor and wrote notes to people who were there as they waited. When emergency personnel arrived, Brit went on the gurney without resistance.

When everyone arrived at UCLA, things got heated. Jamie Spears began screaming at Sam Lutfi, accusing him of trying to control Britney. We're told as far as the doctors are concerned -- at least for now -- Lynne and Jamie Spears are not calling the shots. The point guy for the docs is Brit's friend, Sam Lutfi.

Sources say after Britney's commitment earlier this month, she was extremely upset at her dad for getting angry at Sam and the hospital staff. Britney had lawyers draft several documents, however, we're told she did not sign a durable power of attorney giving Lutfi the power to make medical decisions on her behalf. Nevertheless, something was signed and doctors are going to Lutfi for guidance. Jamie went off on Lutfi in the hallway, accusing him of trying to control his daughter.

Britney has been calm in the hospital, even getting a "cigarette break."

TMZ also posted a video of Britney's ambulance going to the hospital, which you can watch here if you really want to.

That image of Britney making hot chocolate and writing notes while she waited for the ambulance come take her away is rather chilling, for some reason. Shudder!

I'll update as much as I can...however I do have, like, non-Britney stuff I need to do today. I'll do my best!

Death Becomes Her

(image via worth1000)

Heh. Lindsay Lohan has to do community service in a morgue. From the Associated Press:

The 21-year-old actress will soon be working at a morgue as part of her punishment for misdemeanor drunken driving, her attorney, Blair Berk, told a judge Thursday.

She has also spent two months in rehabilitation and has done some community service, Berk said at a hearing on her progress toward fulfilling the terms of her plea bargain.

Her two four-hour days at the morgue are part of a court-ordered program to show drivers the real-life consequences of drinking and driving. She must also spend two days working in a hospital emergency room.

Lohan was arrested twice last year on DUI charges and pleaded guilty in August to misdemeanor drunken driving and cocaine charges. She has already served 84 minutes in jail as part of the plea deal.

Wow, she's already done a whole 84 minutes in jail? A badass with that kind of hard time under her belt will breeze through this morgue thingy, I'm sure.

I think the morgue is a good place for her to do some reflecting on Death: The death of her childhood, the death of her possible future car-crash victims, and of course, the death of her career. There's probably totes cute morgue attendants to make out with, too. Sweet!

PS
Don't ever ever ever ever search Google Images for the word "morgue."

A New Low

I feel weird even providing the link for this, but what the hell. Classy celeb news website x17 has photos from last night of Britney Spears' underpants--apparently stained with period blood--that they posted to prove she's not pregnant. I guess these pictures are NSFW, although I'm not sure why, since they're mainly just sad and kinda gross, if you're easily disgusted by ladythings, that is. (Somewhere a menstrual fetishist is having The Best Day Ever!)

I'm at a loss for words. I go back and forth, though, trying to figure out if she's a mentally ill drug fiend in desperate need of help, or if, like Michael Jackson and his carefully orchestrated nutsiness that helps keep the creditors at bay, she is actually a shrewd and masterful media manipulator intent on keeping her sister Jamie Lynn and her teen pregnancy off the front pages of the tabloids. I just can't decide!

Oh, and the Associated Press announced that they have written her obituary, just in case she ups and dies on us.

Cry Me A Rivers

(image via new york social diary)

O how I loooove tidbits like this! From the NY Post's Page Six column:

Melissa Rivers, who feels she's entitled to as much swag as any movie star, stopped by the Silver Spoon Gifting Suites set up for the canceled Golden Globes and appalled the staff with her voracity.

At the Lust 4 Luxe and Frilly Lilly gifting booths, "she was so desperate for free gifts," our spy said.

"She was so pushy, begging vendors for their products, not taking no for an answer and even going as far as offering pictures of her mother, Joan Rivers, in exchange for free gifts."

Can't you just picture Melissa Rivers getting all up in people's faces, grasping for freebies? The only thing that would've made this story better is if she'd screamed "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" But we have the moon here, so why ask for the stars, right?

I get kinda violent when I think about all the free stuff that celebs get because they're famous. I can sort of see that a Melissa Rivers-caliber D-lister might want to grab onto anything she can shove into her pockets and run out the door, because her "career" is based on her mother's and if Joan dies, so too does Melissa's 15 minutes. But in general, if you're so famous and rich that parading merchandise around will actually increase sales, then the only decent thing to do is donate the swag to the sick, elderly, and less-fortunate, like, say, Jeff Conaway. Or anyone else appearing on "Celebrity Rehab." (Which, by the way, is not the festive romp it sounds like and is, in fact, the biggest bummer on TV right now--and I'm a regular viewer of "Intervention" and "The First 48." Perhaps "The Wire" is more depressing, but it's FICTION.)

Anyway, there's something so needy and just plain off about Melissa Rivers and her matching mom-n-daughter facelifts. Creepy!

Speaking of creepy, the person in the above photo with Melissa is none other than recently deceased/tragic figure Brad Refro! Poor guy. Stuck with Melissa Rivers for his big photo op. No wonder he was doing drugs...

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Believe it or not, this is Janine Turner, who used to a) star on Northern Exposure, b) have cute brown pixie hair, and c) look human:


(photo via jezebel)

Ole Janine was fugged on Go Fug Yourself yesterday for looking like the poor man's Carol Channing in this photo :


(photo via Go Fug Yourself )

As the Fug Girls mention in their post, Janine is involved in some kind of Christian yoga and cattle-raising when she isn't bleaching her hair and making her face go away.

Leg Up!

I am kind of in love with this story from Page Six today:

Stella McCartneyis fighting back against her evil ex-stepmonster, Heather Mills.

Last week, Mills told "Extra" that Stella - who never liked the one-legged "model" and once begged her father, Paul, not to marry her - did some "evil, evil things. She scraped my face out of a photo."

Now the fashion designer has created a jewelry line, and her first effort is a necklace featuring a single-leg pendant. The bauble costs $500 - a lot less than the $100 million Mills is looking to get from Paul.

So bitchy! So tasteless! SO AWESOME! I can't wait to see who on Team Stella will actually wear this out in public. Will Stella-bestie-friend Gwyneth Paltrow deign to wear this bauble on her giraffe-like neck? I can't really see it. But I can totally imagine Madonna swanning around with Heather Mills' effigy leg dangling from that ancient, shriveled vein she calls a throat...

If Only Britney Had Been This Entertaining

Ha ha ha! Apparently the only exciting thing at last night's duuulll MTV Video Music Awards happened in the audience, as Pamela Anderson's exes Kid Rock and Tommy Lee got into a big hissy-fit catfight. According to People.com:

As MTV veejay Sway reported during the post-show telecast: "Tommy Lee was sitting by Diddy. [Kid Rock] just walked up and decked him!" It was unclear how the fight started, and there was no immediate word on whether police got involved.

According to an onlooker in the audience, "They had each other at the necks, they were practically strangling each other." Another eyewitness saw Tommy Lee escorted out, "screaming the f-word over and over again." He was taken out into main casino in front of thousands of fans.

The awesome thing is that the MTV cameras were able to catch part of the fight, and you can watch it here.

Hilarious! Bravo, Kid Rock and Tommy Lee, for livening up the world's biggest snoozefest! Bravo!

Sad and Pathetic Celeb Photo of the Day

Britney Spears ain't gonna let no child-endangerment investigation keep her from struttin' her stuff, so just never you mind! She's a sexy young hottie on the prowl, ya'll!



(via the UK's Daily Mail)

Grrrrr!

Amy Winehouse's Goddamn Nogoodnik Cad Rent Boy Husband Is Ruining Her Life AND MINE!

(Consider this seriously-in-need-of-a-wax-and/or-antibiotics crotch shot as your Frightening Celeb Photo of The Day, btw! And it's via jezebel.com)

US Weekly is reporting that Amy Winehouse has cancelled her scheduled appearance at the MTV Video Music Awards:

After canceling her North American tour, a representative for Amy Winehouse tells Usmagazine.com that she will not be performing at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sept. 9.

Universal Republic Records tells Us, "In a continued effort to support Amy Winehouse's well being, in addition to the postponement of her U.S. tour, all other U.S. appearances have been canceled."

Winehouse has been on a downward spiral that began with a collapse on Aug. 8. Since then, she has canceled her remaining tour dates for the year and had a well-publicized domestic disagreement with husband Blake Fielder-Civil. She and Fielder-Civil are currently vacationing in the Caribbean.

ARGH! According to my Entertainment Weekly, she was rumored to be planning a duet with Cee-Lo from Gnarls Barkley on the classic Marvin Gaye/Tammi Terrell Motown hit "Ain't No Mountain High Enough."

Sigh! Apparently there may not be a mountain but there is a husband high enough to keep her away from me!

Butterscotch Stallion Attempts To End His Wild Ride

The National Enquirer and ABC News are reporting that Owen Wilson was hospitalized after trying to kill himself by slitting his writsts and taking a bunch of pills. From Star Magazine:

Actor Owen Wilson was hospitalized after attempting suicide, sources tell the NATIONAL ENQUIRER and Star magazine exclusively.

Wilson was transported to St. John’s hospital in Santa Monica , Calif. on Sunday, August 26, by ambulance. Sources tell the ENQUIRER and Star that he sliced his left wrists and took an indeterminate amount of pills.

He was discovered by a family member who summoned help.

Police and an ambulance responded to a 911 call from Owen’s house around noon on Sunday.

His wrist was sutured and bandaged at the hospital.

The ENQUIRER and Star broke the story of Owen’s hospitalization earlier Sunday and revealed that he was being transferred from St. John’s after being stabilized. The publications learned that he was going to be detoxed.

Owen was brought in to St. John’s in very serious condition. Police were on the scene immediately as was a criminal defense attorney, believed to be working for Wilson. Some of Owen’s family was with him.

Wilson was stabilized at St. John’s

I know I'm terrible, but did anyone else immediately envision the scene from "The Royal Tennenbaums" in which his brother Luke Wilson's character Richie Tennenbaum tries to kill himself as "Needle In The Hay" by Elliot Smith played in the background? Well, here it is if you need reminding or never saw it:



Kind of eery, huh?

Get better Stallion! Skinny ole Kate Hudson is sooooooo not worth it!