Posh Spicing Up Fox?

(photo via wireimage)

Whoo-hoo! Hot on the heels of her far-too-brief appearance as a guest judge on last night's "Project Runway" finale, Posh Spice may be getting her own fashion-related tv series! Marie Claire (via Jezebel) has this report:

Victoria Beckham has been approached by US TV network Fox to front her own fashion reality TV series.

To be titled Fashion Nightmares, the show would mirror the format of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, which has proved a huge hit in America.

Posh would travel around America, finding stylistically-challenged individuals, and giving them a fashion make-over. A source reveals, 'They want her to visit some boutiques and beauty pageants in real backwater towns and to try to whip them into chic shape.'

OK. My gut reaction is: Awesome. But I do have to say I get a wee bit tired of the whole foreigner-comes-to-make-fun-of-small-town-America thing. It's weird, I get all patriotic and crap about this stuff. I can make fun of the U.S., but I resent it when Euros come over here and do it. Besides, it's really just too easy, like shooting fish in a barrel. And the make-over show has been DONE TO DEATH. But fear not. Not only will I totally watch this, I will do my damnedest to be one of the sad podunk hicks who gets made over! POOOOOSSSSSH!

Can't Bai Me Love, Or Batteries

Here's a wee round-up of some non-news stories floating around the intertubes today...



First up, today it was revealed in Us Weekly that "actress" Bai Ling, Our Lady of Eternally Hideous 'Ho Outfits, was arrested for shoplifting $16 worth of crap at LAX:

Sergeant Jim Holcomb of the Los Angeles Airport police division, tells Usmagazine.com: "Bai Ling was arrested Wednesday afternoon at 4:30 p.m. for shoplifting at the Crews of [California] gift store located in terminal one at Los Angeles International Airport.

"A private persons arrest was made by a store employee after Ling allegedly took two Star magazines along with two packs of triple A batteries totaling about $16 and left the store without paying.

“LAX airport police transported Ling to Pacific Station, where she was booked for misdemeanor shoplifting and released on her promise to appear in court on March 5, 2008.

Ooooh, I bet Us Weekly hates it that she stole Star! You can't buy that kind of classy publicity! I wonder if she was broke or thrill-seeking or is a compulsive thief or just thinks she's "above" paying for the little stuff. Hard to say...unlike Winona Ryder, she doesn't have much of a career to worry about ruining, since she mainly exists so that Go Fug Yourself can make fun of her clothing--or lack thereof--and those ladies certainly won't mind a little harmless shoplifting. In fact, they'll probably be excited about it, just like I am!



Next, it seems that the world may end because Jane Fonda said the ole "c-word" on the "Today" show this morning! Heh. She was talking about--shudder--The Vagina Monologues and dropped the c-bomb:

Jane Fonda may be 70, but she's not too old to have her mouth washed out with soap.

No stranger to controversy, the actress used a vulgar word to describe a body part on Thursday morning's Today show – which later prompted a statement of apology from the program's cohost, Meredith Vieira.

Fonda and The Vagina Monologues playwright Eve Ensler were having a Valentine's Day conversation with Vieira about the 15th anniversary of Ensler's best-known work – and the 10th anniversary of "V-Day," founded by Ensler to end violence against women and girls around the world – when Fonda let the "c-word" slip.

"We were talking about The Vagina Monologues and Jane Fonda inadvertently said a word from the play that you don't say on television," Vieira said after a newsbreak on Today. "It was a slip and obviously she apologizes, and so do we. We would do nothing to offend the audience. So please accept that apology."

There is something a bit sad about having to apologize for a word that is used in a play that celebrates all the glories and wonders of the va-jay-jay...on the other hand, the "c-word" is one of my least favorite words. There is no male equivalent! Boo, hiss!

Gawker has the video here.




And finally, a sad note, as Variety reports the death of David Groh, on whom I had a short-lived but seminal childhood crush when he played Valerie Harper's husband Joe Gerard on "Rhoda," a show that will always be in my Top Ten of All Time Favorites:

Actor, director and producer, David Groh, best known as the husband of TV's "Rhoda," died of kidney cancer Tuesday in Los Angeles. He was 68.

During the mid-'80s, the curly-haired Groh played the nefarious D.L. Brock on "General Hospital," and his nearly 40 year career encompassed film, television and theater roles...

On Broadway, he starred in Neil Simon's "Chapter Two" and Jon Tolin's "Twlight of the Golds."

His wedding to "Rhoda" star Valerie Harper was a highly rated TV event at the time, and when the characters divorced, viewers sent in letters of condolence thinking the divorce was real...

During the last few years, he appeared in several independent films, and was developing the film "Lower East Side Story," with his wife, actress Kristin Andersen.

He taught Method acting at the Strasberg Institute for almost 20 years, and was a lifetime member of the Actor's Studio.

What they don't mention is that Rhoda's marriage to Joe was one of the most famous ratings killers in TV history. The wedding itself was the highmark--the ratings went through the roof for that episode, something like 50 million people watched Rhoda running through the subway and all over Brooklyn in her wedding dress--but then immediately viewers hated it that they were married, so the producers made them get a hasty divorce which kind of made no sense, at least in terms of being true to the story and characters.

As much as I loved Joe, I loved Rhoda's sister Brenda, played with her usual brilliance by Julie Kavner (aka Marge Simpson) even more. On "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," Rhoda had been the chubby, sarcastic sidekick, but then Valerie Harper lost a ton of weight; on "Rhoda," it fell to Brenda to be the chubby sadsack, and I adored her for it. There was a great episode where their mother, played by the great Nancy Walker, can't get Brenda to wake up, so she whispers, "Brenda, french toast!" and Brenda springs out of bed, just like I would have done. Oh, "Rhoda," how I've missed you so! Carlton the Doorman! Gary the Denim King! Nick Lobo! Sigh....RIP David Groh, my first-ever mancrush...it all seems so long ago, and yet just yesterday.

Is Valentine's Day over yet?

Denim Make Her Brown Eyes Blue

Last night's "Project Runway" was a bit duller than I'd hoped from the sneak-peak they gave us last week. The challenge--which began with the contestants gathered in front of a warehouse on a dock--seemed so promising at first! I was hoping that inside was a giant pile of mystery junk under a tarp and that they'd be forced to make couture gowns out of a scrap heap of old tires or electrical tape or tin cans or something. But, alas, it was filled with Levi's 501 jeans.


(all images via bravo.com)

**OK, SPOILERS STARTING**

**DON'T GET YOUR DENIM UNDERPANTS IN A TWIST**

**YOU'RE EITHER IN OR YOU'RE OUT!**

There was a lady from Levi's on hand who told them that the challenge was to create an "iconic Levi's look," and then opened the warehouse to reveal the jeans and jean jackets that were all over the place. Poor Chris was once again at a disadvantage because of his size, since the designers were to run around beserk and grab as much denim as they could and shove it all into laundry bags. Sweet P., who apparently has never watched this show before and wore flip-flops on a field trip, lost a flop during the melee. These races go the swift! There were tons of jeans hanging on clothing lines, along with some white cotton material, but as fas as I could tell, no one used the white stuff, only the denim.

Back at Parsons, there was the usual swanning around talking about his own genius by Christian, who is getting on the others' last nerve with his extreme egomania. He also talks a lot o' trash about his competition, especially Our Lady of A Thousand Sorrows, Ricky, whom Christian thinks should not be there. The producers are clearly trying to position Christian as the "villain," but he's not evil or hideous enough for the job; compared to Wendy Pepper or Jeffy Dahmer, he's like Jimmy Stewart. A really, really young, gay Jimmy Stewart with asymetrical rooster hair.

The only drama this episode was between the Humorless Duo, Jillian and Victorya, who are now working solo humorless. During their team challenge, Jillian had made the awesome equestrian-inspired coat/jacket that wowed the judges, and what do you know? This week Victorya is making a fitted coat out of denim--and so is Jillian, again. For some reason this totally sends Jillian down a hate-filled shame spiral; she loses focus, can't manage her time, and pricks her fingers on the sewing machine so much that she breaks down in Ricky-esque tears. It's too bad she's not Elisa, 'cause then she could have used the opportunity to imbue the fabric with her bloody bodily fluids and become one with the Earth, or whatever the hell she used to go on about (o how I miss you, crazy lady!).

Tim Gunn comes around to do his critiques. He is concerned with the unfinished edges on Chris' dress, and Chris does the classic "Project Runway" mistake of ignoring Tim's advice and saying that he meant to do that and he likes it that way. Chris, you fool! Ignore Tim at your peril! YOUR PERIL, I SAY! You and Sweet P. are the only likable designers left! Please be more considerate of our needs!

Speaking of Sweet P., she is working on a patchwork denim wedding dress, for reasons known only to herself. But unlike Chris, when she hears Tim Gunn and his fears and concerns, she totally takes them to heart and starts ripping that thing up. Now, one time she went a little too far and ditched her entire outfit and almost got kicked off for her replacement dress (during the prom challenge), but this time she seems to know that she should just make some relatively simple taste and length adjustments.

There's hardly any footage of hot gay Mossad agent Rami, about whom we all were wondering one thing: How in the world is he going to do a Grecian drapey dress out of denim?

Christian, of course, is doing '80s puffy sleeves and skintight pants. He's the only one doing an actual pair of jeans, which was a smart move. The pant legs were made out of the arm sleeves of a jacket--that's how skinny they were. Christian thinks his outfit is fierce and he is a genius. Naturally.

Runway time!

Here's Christian's look:



Even though it's totally his usual retro pouffy thing, I have to admit the jacket cuffs open on the ankles are a great touch and I can see how Levi's would be able to sell this whole ensemble right now.

From Chris we have the dress that Tim had much furrowed-brow concern over:



It's not a disaster by any means, but it was a bit Gwen Stefani for Hot Topic for my taste. Chris is venturing dangerously back into costume-y territory! Be careful Chris! We love you and don't want to lose you!

Here is Our Lady of One Million Tears, Ricky, and his strapless mini-dress:



Somehow through his tears, he was able to create something nice. I liked the button-fly front details and the model looked cute. It's not the most creative, innovative thing I've ever seen or anything like that, but he did a good job, finally. Michael Kors was peeing his panties over this whole look with the beehive and talked about how Ricky, like him, must love Amy Winehouse. Oh, Michael, trying to talk all hip with the young people!

Rami's dress was not drapey! Huzzah! He did a similar-to-Ricky fitted minidress:



Except he added a Christian-esque '80s flapneck collar, and used zippers as trim (a la Jeffy Dahmer). The judges were just glad they were not transported in a Rami-built time machine back to an ancient Greece where denim togas were the fashion of the day.

Sweet P.'s dress came out great:



She shortened the length and that made all the difference. Funnily enough, this looks more like something that '70s-crazed Shields-and-Yarnell-inspired Jillian would have made. The judges went mad for it; in one of the cutest moments ever on this show, Nina Garcia said that "all of us here--the ladies, I mean--would wear this" and Michael Kors pipes in that he would, too, "with the right shoe!" It was pretty delightful. The only problem was that the Levi's lady didn't like it that Sweet P. didn't incorporate the Levi's logo red tag anywhere, so that spelled doom. You gotta push the brand, Sweet P.! It's too bad, though, because the other judges were in lurve with this dress.

Then the two coats from the Humorless Duo came out. This one is Jillian's:



She had the opposite problem from Sweet P.: The Levi's lady actually thought there were too many Levi's red tags! Jillian used them as a decorative motif on the shoulder and the result was fuuuugly. The whole thing was kind of blah and not up to Jillian's usual standards, but at least she was trying. Which cannot be said for Victorya:



This really looked like a regular ole denim jacket with a weird collar and skirt attached, and the judges thought so, too. But whose denim disaster was worth getting auf'd? Chris? Jillian? Victorya? It was hard to figure out which was the worst. And who would win?

In the end, and much to Christian's obvious shock, Our Lady of Perpetual Drama, Ricky, was crowned the winner through his vale of tears. He felt validated! He finally showed the rest of them that he deserved to be there! He cried and cried like a baby! And cried some more! And one more time! And somewhere in New York, right now, he's still crying! Sweet P. came in second, then Chistian, and ooooh, was he pissed. Hee-hee!

Thank goodness, our beloved Chris was safe. Then it was down to the Humorless Duo...and Victorya was OUT. Can't say I'm sorry to see her go. I think Jillian is way more talented, wears more ridiculous outfits, and sometimes will occasionally let out a teensy, tiny, half-hearted mini-grin. Victorya is physically incapable of amusement. And now she's gone! Huzzah!

Next week's preview was hard to figure out. Would they be designing for a swingers' club? Screaming toddlers? Sheep? All of the above? I guess we'll just have to wait and see...

The Whole Kit-N-Caboodle

**HEY, YOU!**

**BEWARE!**

**PROJECT RUNWAY SPOILERS AHEAD!**

**CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED**

**ALL RIGHTY, THEN!**


Last night's "Project Runway" was awesome. I loved the challenge, although at first I kinda didn't understand it. They had the models come out with some bizarre-o hairdos and then were told that they had to use the hair as inspiration for an avant-garde outfit. I didn't get why they had to use hair as their muse, but actually it worked out pretty well.

The designers were paired into teams: Chris and Christian, Rami and Sweet P., Jillian and Victorya, and Ricky, Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow, and Kit. Chris and Christian were dy-no-mite together; they were the yin and yang, the Abbot and Costello, the peanut butter and jelly of gay culture--old school drag queen creative and young hipster egomaniac. They immediately decided on "thousands of circles of organza," and went to town. It was exciting to watch.

Rami and Sweet P. were not as harmonious; he was arrogant and bossy and fussy, while Sweet P. was laid-back and pushover-y. I felt bad for her. Usually Rami comes off as fairly likable, in a scary-hot gay Mossad agent way, but this episode did not present him in the best light.

Ricky, Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow, and Kit decided on a hoop-skirt dress for some unknown reason. Perhaps their vision was blurred by Ricky's vale of tears?

Jillian and Victorya, aka The Humorless Duo, got along well together in their shared love of grim determination and total lack of joy, and came up with a jodhpurs-n-trench coat look that was a no-brainer considering the faux-hawk/tribute to "Equus" hairdo on the model. And all with nary a smile betweent the two of them.

In the middle of all this, Tim Gunn appeared to make the announcement that they would have to come up with a second look--a ready-to-wear interpretation of their avant-garde piece. Much sturm-und-drang! Much talk of suicide and dread and nausea! Many tears from you-know-who! Oh, and the winners of the challenge would have their picture taken for a Tres-Somme Elle magazine full-page ad!

When it came time to put on the runway show, it was clear that Chris and Christian had blown everyone else out of the water. Their design was awesome--weird, fashion-forward, extreme, yet beautiful:



(images via bravotv.com)

Wow. It was the perfect melding of Chris' costume-y/drag super-creative aesthetic and Christian's high-falutin' fashioniness. Guest judge Alberta Ferretti swooned in her impenetrable Italian acccent that it was "important." All the judges were agog. Michael Kors also called it "important."

Let's see another more picture of this amazing outfit, shall we?



So great. This is why I watch this show!

Their ready-to-wear piece was, I thought, a nice, casual, safe interpretation of the Organza Bonanza, which was the point of the exercise, although I think the judges were slightly meh on it in comparision with the main event:



Rami and Sweet P. ended up dividing the challenge in two: He took the avant-garde dress and she made the simplified version. Rami, of course, did a drapey Grecian gown, since that is all ever does. He thought it was avant-garde because a) he made Sweet P. make some pants to wear underneath (UGH! so tired!) and b) he put a corset in there, and he usually doesn't work with corsets, which really doesn't have anything to do with the price of tea in China, now does it, Rami? Also, when Tim mentioned the drapey drapiness of the piece, Rami managed to blame Sweet P. because they "didn't work well together." So, your dress is too much what you always present and that's because Sweet P. has time-management issues? Oy vey!

Here's Rami's dress:



And here's Sweet P.'s:



I really liked this outfit. I thought it was Sweet P.'s best effort yet, and the judges loved it. Of course they told Rami that his dress was the usual Drapey McDraperton thing he always brings them, and, of course, he blamed Sweet P., but the judges simply weren't having it.

Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow, Ricky, and Kit turned out a super-drab hoop-skirted tribute to Gone With the Wind:



The judges hated it. I was trying to predict what Scarlett O'Hara reference Michael Kors would make; I was thinking "It's a little 'this model will never go hungry again,'" but he went for "pulling down the drapes." Oh, of Kors you did, Michael!

Their ready-to-wear was even duller:



The judges were nonplussed by this outfit, as was I. So boring and blah! There are cuter dresses for sale right now at Forever 21 for $19.99!

The only other team to really try for avant-garde-iness was The Humorless Duo, whose equestrian thing was pretty impressive, although not nearly as impressive as Chris and Christian's:



On TV it looked a lot more dramatic, and it seemed really well-made and detailed. The judges were wowed.

Their ready-to-wear was cute:



Again, it read better on TV than in this photo.

The top two teams were obvious, and thank god the judges picked Chris and Christian's as the winner, or I might have rioted in my living room, and my dog is nervous enough already. Christian, as team leader, won immunity. The Humorless Duo came in second. Sweet P. and Ricky were safe.

Who would be auf'd? I knew it wouldn't be Rami, because his dress was pretty and well-made, while Kit's was not only fug, it was apparently rather crappy. Sure enough, Kit was OUT.

Next week it looks to be another kooky materials challenge, my fave! I know other people hate on these challenges, but I find them delightful! Huzzah! And kudos to Christian-n-Chris!

Say It Ain't Zoe

Dude, first they take away my lifeblood, Discovery Health, provider for all my many varied and sundry obesity, crazy-weird illness, and emergency room porn programming needs and give it to Oprah so she can continue her ego's quest for total world domination (although if she would bring back "Campus Ladies" all would be forgiven!), and now Bravo has announced that Rachel Zoe, arbiter of scary skinny tanorexic bugface fashion and alleged pusher of illegal Mexican horse drugs as a weight loss product, has got her own reality show. Broadcasting Cable reports:

Bravo green-lit a reality show starring celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe and her entourage.

The show, for now called The Rachel Zoe Project, will be at least six episodes. It began production last week. It will be shot in New York and Los Angeles and is scheduled to premiere later in 2008.

Zoe, perhaps best-known due to former client Nicole Richie’s characterization of her as a “raisin face,” will star alongside her husband Rodger and her fashion team, Taylor and Brad, as they aim to broaden her business through dealings with magazines, beauty companies, fashion firms and, of course, star clients, according to the network.

Zoe, who has styled the likes of Jennifer Garner and Salma Hayek, was the subject of some controversy as a result of a Web posting Richie made insinuating that she urged clients to adopt radical measures such as drugs to remain ultra-skinny, as both she and Richie appear to be.

Though I must admit, to my great great shame, that I will totes be watching this. I can't help myself! My name is Jennifer and I'm a Bravo reality show addict!

Sigh..

Frightening Celeb Photo of the Day

Stolen from Go Fug Yourself:



If you didn't see it over there at GFY, this is Keira Knightley. Yes, the English one. From Pirates of the Caribbean and Atonement and whatnot. Take a moment to digest that fact for a moment, if you like...

Shocking isn't it? Although she is scary skinny, I usually do find Ms. Knightley to be a reasonably attractive, albeit annoying, girl. But she really looks quite bad here. Besides the fact that she seems to be wearing a tribute to Britney and Justin's hilariously awesome his-n-her denim suit combo from a few years ago, she appears to be dying. And is also unrecognizable. If it had not been pointed out to me, I would not have known it was her. At all. W has a special gift for fugging up their celeb lady models, don't they?

Posh Marcs Her Spot

Check out a sneak preview of the new Posh Spice For Marc Jacobs ad campaign over at Women's Wear Daily! Click on the slide show under the photo...

Promtourage

***SPOILER ALERT! "Project Runway" discussion ahead!***

***LAST CHANCE TO LOOK AWAY!***

***OK, THEN!***


Last night's "Project Runway" challenge was to design a prom dress for a bunch of teenagers in private schoolgirl outfits, and I couldn't have been more delighted! Well, that is until Humorless VictorYa asked her client why she "thought we could work together" (in a nice twist, this time the models got to choose their designer) and the girl replied, "Uh, I got the last choice." HEH!

The girls' moms came in midway through the design process to give their opinions, and ranged from typically over-protective to completely clueless to sweet-n-supportive, just like in real life!

Sassy egomaniac Christian got picked by sassy egomaniac Maddie, who not only had big ideas for her dress, she also had the temerity to grab the pencil out of Christian's tiny hand and start drawing on the design herself! Hee hee! Christian was not pleased. Her mom wasn't exactly thrilled with his efforts, although the daughter ran the show. Surprisingly to me, though, he ended up a) letting himself get bulldozed by his client, b) getting all down and sad on himself and his design and showing the audience how reaaaaally young he is (21!), and then c) mustering up some chutzpah on the day of the runway show.

His dress had a lot going on, with mixed results:


(all images via bravo tv)

Maddie demanded the color and the accent pieces of lace and goo-gaws, but when he blamed the whole hot mess on her, Nina Garcia got very offended and told him he had to take control of his vision and not blame the client and blah blah blah. I actually don't think it came out quite as bad as I feared it would; sure, 'tis a bit tacky, but it's very prom-y and Maddie looked pretty cute (although the dress rode up over her backside in a very weird way). I also think Christian can't really design for non-stick-insect-type bodies.

Poor Sweet P. thought she had a shot of winning with this dress:



And it is definitely a pretty dress and her best effort thus far, but it came in second place. She seemed pretty upset about that.

The winning dress belonged to Humorles VictorYa:



I have to admit, it's cute. And young. And yes, it deserved to win, dammit. I just don't like Humorless VictorYa because she's, you know, so humorless. For some reason, she was the only one who figured out that a bright, bold color would read "youthful" on the runway. Everyone else did stuff that was boring, too sophisticated, too old...

...Or too tacky:



Oh, token straight dude Kevin. Why did you pick this fabric and make the dress so short that you couldn't safely hem the fabric? It looked unfinished and sad and yuck, and so you were auf'd. (Oddly, Nina Garcia kept harping on the color, when she herself was wearing the exact same color!) Your prom picture was super-hilarious, though!


Kevin's prom pic. (this and the following prom photos via project rungay)

That was a great touch from the show, by the way, putting up the contestants' actual prom pictures. Sweet P. had the greatest: It was totally '70s California and looked like she and her surfer dude date were actually living inside an O.P. t-shirt. Awesome. Poor Chris didn't go to his prom and stayed home and got drunk! (And how cute were the mom-and-daughter team that picked him despite his all-drag-queen portfolio?) Hot Rami is Israeli and they don't have a prom there (who knew?). Blonde hipster Kit was almost unrecognizable from her staid prom photo--she sure has changed her whole persona since high school, and she's only 26.


Kit's prom pic.


Christian's prom pic. Hee hee!

Overall, the dresses were disappointing. Nothing really blew me away...this is where a Santino Rice or Jay McCarroll would have come up with something really interesting, at least, and where an Austin Scarlett would have shone so brilliantly! These were all pretty dull and to that I say, HARRUMPH.

Mr. Blackwell Decides Not To Kick Britney While She's Down

(image via kabc)

The Associated Press has finally got the important news we've all been waiting for...No, not the New Hampshire primary results, silly. Why, it's kooky Mr. Blackwell and his annual "Worst-Dressed" list, of course!

A drumroll please....Numero Uno is...Victoria Beckham, aka, POSH SPICE!

"Forget the fashion spice, wearing a skirt would suffice! In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty Posh can really wreck-em," he said in a statement.

An e-mail message to Beckham's publicist, Cheryl Maisel, was not immediately answered.

Blackwell listed the Spice Girls as No. 1 in his 1998 worst-dressed list, deriding the group as "the only spices on the planet that have no taste."

The top 10 roll-call of fashion dishonors also included:

_No. 2. Amy Winehouse — "Exploding beehives above, tacky polka-dots below, she's part 50's carhop horror."

_No. 3. Mary Kate Olsen — "She resembles a tattered toothpick-trapped in a hurricane."

_No. 4. Fergie — "Yes, when it comes to couture chaos, guess it's all in a name!"

The rest of the top 10 list included Kelly Clarkson, Eva Green, Avril Lavigne, Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan and Alison Arngrim.

Missing from the list was Britney Spears, who has made it many times before.

"I felt that it was inappropriate at this time to make comment, when her personal life is in such upheaval. I hope 2008 is a better year for her," Blackwell said.

Blackwell also released a Fabulous Fashion Independents list that included Reese Witherspoon, Jemima Khan, Beyonce, Angelina Jolie, Helen Mirren, Nicole Kidman, Katie Holmes, Kate Middleton, Katherine Heigl and Cate Blanchett.

Wow, that's a lot to process. First of all, why in the hell is Alison "Nellie Oleson" Arngrim on there? I mean, she's great and all, but not exactly a huge star influencing the world's fashions. Or am I so old and out of it that I missed the big Argrim scene taking over Brooklyn's hipster elite? Do the Harajuku girls traipse around in Nellie Oleson outfits? Well, actually, maybe so, since lots of fashionistas are already embracing vintage Gunne Sax dresses...

And really, Posh may be orange, tanorexic, have horrible fake stapled-on balloon boobs, and be totes ridiculous, but I don't think she's that bad a dresser.

However I do think it's nice that he decided to leave Britney alone, since she's in no shape to receive any more bad news.

The rest I can't argue with, although I think Amy Winehouse has a way cuter (albeit grubbier) fashion sense than any of the others on the list.

It's funny that he put Beyonce, who mainly prances around in ridiculuous sparkly hot pants her mom made (and why not?), amongst all the prim, boring tastefuls in his "Fabulous Fashion Independents" list, which sure is heavy on the Brits.

I'm sure I'm the one zillionth person to ask this, but what exactly does Mr. Blackwell do when he's not making his list? And how do I get his job when he dies (which looks to be never)?

No One Wants A Visit From The S**t Fairy

***Ahoy, matey! Project Runway spoilers ahead! Avast! Avast! (I have no idea what "avast" means, but I like shouting it around the house now and then to keep the Corgi on his toes--or paws, as it were. But I digress.) Go away if you're ascared of spoilers!**

OK, then!

Last night's Project Runway was very very sad, because Elisa, the Little Crazy Lady Who Could, was sent packing.

The challenge was to make a dress out of things found in the Hershey's store in Times Square; only one designer, Debra-Winger-circa-1979 lookalike/rainbow suspenders enthusiast/apparent mime Jilian, decided to use actual candy in her outfit (she went for Twizzlers). The rest took craploads of candy wrappers, tissue paper, pillows, and other candy-themed items for their material.

One would think this kind of whimsy would suit Elisa to a T, but alas, 'twas not so. Her brown velvet dress with detachable silver Hershey's kiss/pool floatie armwarmers was not particularly whimsical, nor particularly good.

The gays over at Project Rungay said it best:

Ironically, we thought this challenge would have been right up her alley. We're pretty sure she lives in a world full of candy and unicorns anyway, so she just could have stared off in space for awhile and eventually some candy fairy would float by and let her sketch her dress.



Apparently, a shit fairy flew by.

Genius. Project Rungays, I salute you! Mwah!

Sweet P., who scrapped her original dress (which featured an actual ceramic mosaic around the waist) in favor of a shiny metallic dress that somehow managed to be boring, was a close contender for auf'ing, but the judges reaaaally hated nutty nutball Elisa's brown velvet nightmare, so she was OUT.

Rami, the Invincible Israeli, won with his very well-made, super-cute, vaguely anime-esque pink and red shiny halter dress:



For once, I agreed with the judges on who should win. Speaking of judges, guest Zac Posen was quite the little bitch, wasn't he? And him with that sweet face!

With Elisa gone, what little fun was left on this show has been sucked out, too, but hopefully imperious egomaniac Christian and sweet, portly Chris (who did a great job this episode, despite what the Posenator said!) will balance out the endless trail of self-obsessed tears left by unfortunately behatted Ricky to bring some interest to the remaining episodes. We'll see!

Project Runway Star to Be At STITCH Tonight Along With Every Other Cool Person In Town!

I would be terribly remiss in my duties if I did not pass on some info about Friends of Felt Up Jennifer P.. and Tina S.. and their amazing STITCH Fashion Show and Guerilla Craft Bazaar which happens tonight here in Austin.

This is the fifth amazing year for Stitch, and it just keeps on getting bigger and more fabulous. The new venue is the Austin Convention Center at 500 E. Cesar Chavez, in exhibit hall one. The doors open at 4pm, and the fashion show starts at 9:30.

Entertainment will be provided by such luminaries as:

Prince Klassen
DJ Ian Orth
BIGFACE
DJ Jennifer
Double Dutch WIll Take You Higher
Uber MC Matt Beardon

AND extra-special guest Bradley Baumkirchner from "Project Runway"! OMG!

Tons of great fashions will be strutted down the runway, including designs from local superstars Chia,Hot Pink Pistol, Naughty Secretary Club, Tina Sparkles, and more, more, MORE, plus a ginormous craft fair that is a perfect place to pick up some Christmas gifts and meet-n-greet the elite of Austin's ever-growing DIY scene.

Get thee to a craftery, people! Support local businesses and artists! DO IT! Tickets available for a mere $10 right here.

Rodeo, We Hardly Knew Ye

Run over to VH1 and read this awesome interview with Rodeo from "Rock of Love." The cowbay-hatted, highly be-muscled fan favorite who was eliminated last week (along with baby-voiced "meth face" porn star Brandi C.) discusses being paralyzed in a high dive accident, surviving cancer, losing a baby, eating meat six times a day, doing lunges around the track, not wanting to kiss another girl for "Rock of Love," and cries approximately 1,000 times, just like on the show. Go right now! DO IT!

Can I just mention here how addictive this show is? (Although now that Rodeo is gone, a little bit of the heart and soul--and craaazy--of the show has left, too.) Which stripper with giant fake boobs will win? Will Lacey simply murder all the contestants? Does her evil know no bounds? Should she be allowed to roam free in society?

Bret Michaels looks like a blonde, balding Carrot Top.

It's A Fine Line Between Crazy And Tacky

Heh. This picture of Britney Spears shows her looking so trashy and skeezy that gossip queen Janet Charlton can only come up with one explanation: SHE HAS LOST HER EVER-LOVING MIND:



Janet says:

We hate to say it but Britney Spears seems like she's losing touch with reality. Why else would she go out looking like an off-duty Eastern European stripper? It's not just booze or drugs or tacky fashion - we're afraid she might have serious mental problems. She's lost it and she won't listen to anyone. When you're rich and struggling with possible mental illness and IN DENIAL, what can anyone do? We feel guilty making fun of her because every day it's more apparent that she's hanging by a thread. It's entirely possible that her next stop will be a mental hospital.

I guess if Britney really is a certifiable Anne Heche/Margot Kidder-ish nutjob who ends up carted off to the loony bin because she's gone of her meds, well, I'll feel real bad, ya'll, but right now I think it's hilarious that total batshit insanity is now considered the most likely explanation in some people's minds for her skantastic outfits, when to me it is crystal clear that the girl simply has no taste, no class, and no idea how to flatter herself--which also happen to be the top three reasons I loooove her so much. Don't go changin', Brit! If you suddenly got all fashiony and sophisticated I would have nothing to live for! And for god's sake, stay away from Posh!

New Balance Fades

From Gawker.com:

Someone did a Joy Division sneaker for New Balance, on sale in the U.K. now. Yeah, that's how we always pictured Ian Curtis. Jogging like a prat. Maybe with some ankle weights, and a track suit! Right up until the moment he hanged himself.

Hear, hear! I heartily agree! It's an outrage and an abomination! Ian Curtis is spinning in his grave!

But I wonder when, exactly, they will be available for purchase in these United States? Just, you know, out of curiosity and whatnot...


Joy Division--Unknown Pleasures, 1979

The Best of Times, The Wearstler Of Times

Anyone who watches Bravo's "Top Design" is probably familiar with the following Five Stages of Reality TV Grief:

1) DENIAL: "This can't be happening to me. How could a show featuring Todd Oldham and Jonathan Adler be so lame and boring?"

2) ANGER: "How dare you do this to me, Bravo? I'm never watching another reality contest on your network ever again, bastards!"

3. BARGAINING: "Just let me get five seconds of enjoyment from this show and maybe I'll watch the new season of 'Workout.' MAYBE."

4. DEPRESSION: "I'm so sad, why bother? Perhaps I'll watch 'Lost' tonight instead!.....Oh, riiiiight. I forgot. Sigh..."

5. ACCEPTANCE: "What else do I have to do on a Wednesday night?"

But there is one glimmer of light in the dark night of our souls that is "Top Design," and that is the wee gleam of craziness in the eye of judge Kelly Werstler, who each week manages to outdo herself with the most insane hairdo and clothing choices this side of Bjork Goes To Wigstock. She's already been fugged on Go Fug Yourself for last week's 1980s-prom-gown-over-t-shirt-and-jeans-combo, and of course there was the whole When Crimping Irons Attack episode, and so on and so forth. But last night she really, really outdid herself:



Behold all the different time periods and styles she incorporates! Marvel that below the 17th century head of ginormous hair we find a Victorian mourning frock freshly stolen from Gary Oldman's wampyre costume collection in Bram Stoker's Dracula. Gasp in fright as we move on down to the '80s cinch belt and some sort of grey checkered skirt and high heels (Christian Laboutin?)

THE WOMAN IS AMAZING. If she's just trying to get attention, it's working! I can't get enough of her nutty nutjobbery! Look how weird she looks in between Jonathan Adler and the lady from Elle Decor! What are they thinking when she arrives on the set in her insane costume du jour?

Take a look at her from a different part of the show:



Guest judge Tom Colicchio is doing his best to look down and take notes and not look over at Her Royal Wackiness, else he might have a giggle fit right in her face. Doesn't she look like she wandered in from the set of some Marilyn Manson-produced remake of The Three Musketeers?

What makes her outlandishness even odder is the contrast between her sartorial splendiferousness and her flat, dead personality. She never smiles or laughs and has a habit of staring blankly at the other judges when she doesn't agree with them, which is all the time. She's like a robot--a robot that Patricia Field dressed while off her meds and/or drunk.

I really can't wait to see what she's got up her giant pouffy sleeve for next week...

Whoa.

From X17, via The WOW Report, here's Courtney Love's Oscar night look:



I'm speechless. I'm without speech. Also a little lightheaded...

Fug Capades

The Go Fug Yourself girls have been covering New York Fashion Week and thus have missed a few opportunities to make fun of some terrible clothing choices that have reared their fugly heads recently. For instance, look upon Oksana Baiul at the Super Bowl, and weep:



O what hath Sienna Miller wrought?

Oksana looks like a Russian aerobics instructor who was forced into a Cambodian sex slave brothel in 1986. Or a really tragically pre-op Madonna impersonator in 1986. Or Tonya Harding in 1986.

Get thee to a fuggery, Fug Girls! We need you!