Friday, February 11, 2011

The Good, The Bad, and The Jiggy

First, a wee program note: January 30 was Felt Up's 7th anniversary! Hooray.

Now for the good stuff. Well, "good" if you're into trashy reality shows. Awesome blog Reality Tea has a bunch of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Before They Were Famous" photos. My favorites are:

1) Taylor "Our Lady of The Lip" Armstrong, whose horrible, boring, aloof husband has been in trouble with the IRS (convicted of felony assessment evasion), and allegedly sued for "fraud, negligent misrepresentation, breach of fiduciary duty and more," according to this site, and who, by the way, tried to pretend that her daughter was godmothered by fellow RHBH co-star Adrienne Maloof (the truth--that The Maloof is not the godmother and is not "close" to Taylor at all--came out on the "Real Housewives Lost Footage" special), AND allegedly tried to call herself Taylor Ford and pass herself off as a member of the Ford family (as in Ford Motors), although her real name is Shana Hughes, and, as we all know by now, is from Oklahoma, not Michigan:

So young, cute, fresh-faced, and UNRECOGNIZABLE. Granted, these photos were taken in the 1980s, but does she even have dimples anymore? Did they get sucked away during all the surgeries? Is that possible?

2) Speaking of unrecognizable, I will let you try to guess who the hell this is:

That, my friends, is CAMILLE GRAMMER.

Sadly, no old-school photos of Jiggy before the alopecia set in, but there are some good ones of mild Felt Up obsession Lisa Vanderpump and her shaggy-haired husband Ken. In fact, the whole layout is worth perusing, especially for the cute series of Kim Richards Before She Was Tragic.

I am LOVING that the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" was such a success that Bravo is doing everything in its power to mine and exploit every tawdry scrap of film they already shot so they can create "new" RHBV shows, like the afore-mentioned "Lost Footage" program and the upcoming "director's cut" of the infamous "Dinner Party from Hell," featuring the e-cigarette smoker/medium/horror Alison DuBois and "the morally corrupt" Faye Resnick. Huzzah! I, for one, am not willing to give up on this season and am ready to eat up whatever re-hashed mishmash of old footage that Bravo dishes out. As Allison DuBois would say, I know exactly when I'm going to watch a crappy reality show--I love that about me! KNOW THIS, Bravo. KNOW THIS.

In other Real Housewives "news," creepy narcissist Slade Smiley who has dated three, count 'em three of "The Real Housewives of Orange County," owes over $138,000 in child support for his son with brain cancer. Why am I not surprised?