Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Quaids Hit The Big Time

(image via vanity fair)

Christmas has come early! The new Vanity Fair has an in-depth profile of America's favorite fugitives, The Quaids, and it's already online.

Here are some choice tidbits I hadn't heard about until this article:

The Quaids are "sometimes" sleeping in their Prius in Vancouver.

Evi Quaid once had an L.A. art gallery show featuring "giant photographs of her pierced vagina."

When they showed up in court with Randy's Golden Globe, Evi also had a "valid credit card" attached to her forehead.

They tried to build a Randy Quaid Museum in Marfa, Texas. (And if it ever gets built, I guess I'm finally going to have to go to Marfa!)

The Quaids allegedly have not defrauded just one innkeeper, but a whole string of fancy California hotels: "They reportedly had unpaid charges at the Bel-Air in Beverly Hills ($17,000), the Biltmore in Montecito ($500), and San Francisco’s Nob Hill Hotel ($55,243)." Evi, naturally, "insisted they had paid all the bills in full."

Evi claims that Madonna tried to lure Randy away from her on the set of Bloodhounds of Broadway so she, Randy, and Jennifer Grey could have a ménage a trois.

They have pitched a reality show called Star Trackers, which has "Evi and Randy playing a Bonnie-and-Clyde-like couple that hunts down the Hollywood Star Whackers."

Evi directed a movie in 1999 called The Debtors, starring Randy and Michael Caine (!), which was never realeased due to the producers' squeamishness about a "squirting rubber penis."

Oh, there a thousand twists and turns in this story, including appearances by Robert Blake (framed!), Chris Penn (murdered!), Jeremy Piven (poisoned!), David Carradine (murdered!), Mel Gibson (framed!), Michael Jackson (part of a conspiracy!), Meg Ryan (jealous slut!), an Andy Warhol painting (with hidden meaning!)--it just goes on and on, and is really, really complicated. Go read the thing and see if you can make sense of the Quaids worldview, because it's too much for my noggin to wrap itself around.

Sadly, by all accounts, Randy Quaid was a sweet, relatively normal (for an actor) man whose wife turned him against his friends and supporters, spent all his money on fancy clothes, and may literally be driving him insane with her paranoid fantasies about a "cabal" of bankers, agents, lawyers, etc who conspired to take Randy's royalty checks and real estate. I hope nothing truly terrible happens; right now, it's kooky good gossip. But it could easily take a turn for tragic. Keep it kooky, kids! Please!