(image via elysabeth)
When people on the street stop and ask me, "Hey, humble Felt Up Blogette, why don't you post on your blog as much as you used to?" I usually reply that good celebrity gossip totally peaked with Britney Spears going berserk and shaving her head, and it's been all downhill ever since. It's true: great, juicy, trashy Hollywood gossip has simply dried up. I just cannot muster up any enthusiasm for the boring, unbearably press-agent-choreographed carrying-ons of anyone named Leighton or Blake or Penn. The Kardashians' antics are well-documented, and tame. Even the ever-changing relationships and volatile wig-pullings on "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" are too confusing to keep straight. Michael Jackson (and seemingly every other celebrity on Earth) is dead. To paraphrase Felt Up muse Norma Desmond, I am big--it's the gossip that got small.
And then tonight came this story at CNN and I had to EAT MY WORDS, because it is one humdinger of a tale:
Actress Mackenzie Phillips reveals she had a long-term incestuous relationship with her famous father, musician John Philips, in a tell-all memoir, according to People.com, which obtained an advance copy of her book...WOW. I realize that young 'uns under the age of 40 may not give a crap about anything having to do with golden oldies like Mackenzie and John Phillips, but I sure do. Because I'm old--older than "The Hills." It's completely horrifying and fascinating at the same time. And though I don't wish in any way to diminish her pain or misery I have to say: Whoo boy--what a story. Of course she's going on "Oprah" any minute now to share.
"On the eve of my wedding, my father showed up, determined to stop it," writes Phillips, who was 19 at the time and a heavy drug user, according to People.com. "I had tons of pills, and Dad had tons of everything too. Eventually I passed out on Dad's bed."
Phillips, best known as Julie Cooper on the sitcom "One Day at a Time," says the sexual relationship became consensual as her life began to spiral out of control...
Eventually, she and her father went to rehab together and she later toured with him in a band called the New Mamas and the Papas, according to People.com.
"I was a fragment of a person, and my secret isolated me," she writes, according to People.com. "One night Dad said, 'We could just run away to a country where no one would look down on us. There are countries where this is an accepted practice. Maybe Fiji.' "
Listen up, all you Taylor Momsens and Lo Bosworths and Pixie and/or Peaches Geldoffs of the world: This is the bar for riveting, terrifying, outlandish gossip that you will have to live up to from now on. Olden-timey junkie has-been Mackenzie Phillips has one-upped you all. You have been served.