Friday, September 25, 2009

No Cure For The QUAIDS Crisis

(image via tmz)

Whew. The Quaids Crisis continues, hot-n-heavy! I can barely keep up.

According to TMZ
, Evi Quaid went nuts in the office of the sheriff in Marfa, Texas, where she and Randy were arrested yesterday:
Evi Quaid thinks the cop who arrested her and husband Randy is corrupt. How do we know this? Because she just showed up at his office and went "psychotic" on him.

Deputy James Davis of Presidio County Sheriff's Office in Marfa, Texas tells TMZ Evi showed up at the station just moments ago screaming at him, accusing him of being "a crooked, corrupt cop" who concocted "a plot against her and her husband."

Davis described it as a "psychotic episode."

He claims she followed him into the station and threw a handwritten statement at him accusing him of setting them up.

Davis says Quaid then went to a nearby courthouse and as she was leaving, backed into a motorcycle that was parallel parked.
What happened to Marfa, TX being a "great place to get arrested," Little Evi? Not content to go "psychotic" on the man, she then hand painted a huge sign accusing the sheriff of taking bribes and hung it on a big truck and parked it in front of the mayor's office:
Evi painted the sign -- directed at Deputy James Davis -- on the side of a truck she personally drove and parked outside of Mayor Dan Dunlap's office moments ago. The sign says "Deputy James Davis takes payments ... call & make offers."

But Deputy Davis tells us he won't take the smear campaign laying down, saying, "She's entitled to her freedom of speech, but at some point it becomes libel. I'm considering legal action if it continues."

More Mackenzie Phillips Madness--Mick Jagger Edition

(image via culture fix)

The Times of India, my favorite source of celebrity gossip, has a story, presumably from her forthcoming book High on Arrival, about Mackenzie "The Face of Consensual Incest" Phillips being seduced at age 18 by Mick Jagger "while her father and future lover John Phillips was making a tuna sandwich for him":
The 'California Dreamin' singer had left the rocker alone with his 18-year-old daughter in Jagger's apartment while he went out to get some mayonnaise and when he returned, he found the door had been locked and he realised that the 'Rolling Stone' rocker was having sex with his girl.

"My dad walks out (of the apartment), Mick turns around, locks the door, looks at me and he says, 'I've been waiting for this since you were 10 years old...' and he seduced me," the 49-year-old actress and singer said.

"My dad comes back and (says), 'That's my daughter in there, let her out,' and we just ignored him. "It's a dubious distinction, having had sex with Mick Jagger," she added.

John Phillips, then tried to break in but failed and simply called the following morning to make sure his daughter was fine.

"He says, 'Was he nice to you? Are you OK?' and I said, 'Mick just brought a tray of tea and toast and strawberries and Marmite. We're fine. I'll talk to you later," the actress said.
Not as fascinating as her l'affaire inceste, but the "I've been waiting for this since you were 10 years old" line is pretty damn creepy. What a life she's led!

The Continuing QUAIDS Crisis

TMZ got a hold of Randy and Evi Quaid's mugshots AND a handwritten note from them that says "I promise the state of California, Texas does not bother people over hamburgers ordered by room service, supposedly burglarized" and "Marfa, Texas is a great place to get arrested."

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Olds Are Showing The Youngs How It's Done

(photo via janet charlton)

Hot damn! Nipping the heels of old actress Mackenzie "The Face of Consensual Incest" Phillips' media frenzy, old actor Randy Quaid and his spitfire wife have been arrested after what I am going to go ahead and call a cross-country crime spree!

According to CNN,
Actor Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi, were arrested in Texas on Thursday. They're accused of skipping out on a $10,000 hotel bill, authorities said.

Randy Quaid is being held in Presidio County, Texas. He's accused of skipping out on a $10,000 hotel bill.

Randy Quaid is being held in Presidio County, Texas. He's accused of skipping out on a $10,000 hotel bill.

Santa Barbara, California, authorities had been looking for the couple after the sheriff's department received a complaint from a local hotel.

Each faces felony charges of burglary, defrauding an innkeeper and conspiracy.

The couple was held in Presidio County, Texas, late Thursday, authorities said.

TMZ has the juicier, possibly untrue, details:
There was a struggle and deputies had to wrestle Evi to the ground as she screamed loudly.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ they believe Randy and Evi Quaid have a pattern of staying in pricey hotels and stiffing the joints when they leave...and that's why authorities are trying to nail the Quaids for burglary...

Our law enforcement sources tell us the reason they believe the Quaids were scamming the San Ysidro Ranch from the get-go is because they have evidence they've done it before. Our sources say the Quaids stiffed the uber-ritzy Bel Air Hotel in L.A., among other places.
Gossipeuse Janet Charlton calls Randy and Evi "the new Bonnie and Clyde" and notes:
Not long ago Evi hired a private detective because she believed that “the same peoplew ho killed David Carradine” were after her husband. The detective ended up getting a restraining order against the Quaids – she told that Evi kept her drug use and spending hidden from her husband and the shaken detective feared that Evi might kill Randy and/or herself. We predict rehab is dead ahead for these two.
Boy, I am so proud to call myself a Texan today. Randy Quaid, you are a state treasure! Let's not forget that recently you got kicked out of Actors' Equity for life for physically and mentally abusing your fellow performers in a Seattle play who claimed your "oddball behavior" led directly to the play closing early, and then the Equity hearing about the matter was
highlighted by Quaid's wife apparently getting into a tussle with a 76-year-old Equity receptionist that ended with the receptionist bleeding from the shins and Evi Quaid's finger broken.

Randy Quaid, you must keep up the good work. Now that you've apparently been forcibly removed from the acting profession and into a life of grifting, I think this whole "defrauding an innkeeper" thing is just the beginning! You could easily find a way to "extort a habadasher," "burgle a blacksmith," or "bamboozle a barber." Get Evi on it, I'm sure she'll know what to do.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Mackenzie Philips Restores My Faith In Trashy Gossip With Gross Tell-All

(image via elysabeth)

When people on the street stop and ask me, "Hey, humble Felt Up Blogette, why don't you post on your blog as much as you used to?" I usually reply that good celebrity gossip totally peaked with Britney Spears going berserk and shaving her head, and it's been all downhill ever since. It's true: great, juicy, trashy Hollywood gossip has simply dried up. I just cannot muster up any enthusiasm for the boring, unbearably press-agent-choreographed carrying-ons of anyone named Leighton or Blake or Penn. The Kardashians' antics are well-documented, and tame. Even the ever-changing relationships and volatile wig-pullings on "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" are too confusing to keep straight. Michael Jackson (and seemingly every other celebrity on Earth) is dead. To paraphrase Felt Up muse Norma Desmond, I am big--it's the gossip that got small.

And then tonight came this story at CNN and I had to EAT MY WORDS, because it is one humdinger of a tale:
Actress Mackenzie Phillips reveals she had a long-term incestuous relationship with her famous father, musician John Philips, in a tell-all memoir, according to, which obtained an advance copy of her book...

"On the eve of my wedding, my father showed up, determined to stop it," writes Phillips, who was 19 at the time and a heavy drug user, according to "I had tons of pills, and Dad had tons of everything too. Eventually I passed out on Dad's bed."

Phillips, best known as Julie Cooper on the sitcom "One Day at a Time," says the sexual relationship became consensual as her life began to spiral out of control...

Eventually, she and her father went to rehab together and she later toured with him in a band called the New Mamas and the Papas, according to

"I was a fragment of a person, and my secret isolated me," she writes, according to "One night Dad said, 'We could just run away to a country where no one would look down on us. There are countries where this is an accepted practice. Maybe Fiji.' "

WOW. I realize that young 'uns under the age of 40 may not give a crap about anything having to do with golden oldies like Mackenzie and John Phillips, but I sure do. Because I'm old--older than "The Hills." It's completely horrifying and fascinating at the same time. And though I don't wish in any way to diminish her pain or misery I have to say: Whoo boy--what a story. Of course she's going on "Oprah" any minute now to share.

Listen up, all you Taylor Momsens and Lo Bosworths and Pixie and/or Peaches Geldoffs of the world: This is the bar for riveting, terrifying, outlandish gossip that you will have to live up to from now on. Olden-timey junkie has-been Mackenzie Phillips has one-upped you all. You have been served.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Say It Ain't So, Skarsgard!

Booooooooooooooooo! Hissssssssssssss!

Evan Rachel Wood, former age-inappropriate paramour of Marilyn Manson and current terrible actor on "True Blood" may be dating her co-star, "The Sexiest Man in Sweden" Alexander Skarsgard. He plays Viking vampire Eric, delightfully; she plays the Vampire Queen of Lousiana, badly.

Let's pray this is just a rumor, fellow vampire nerds!