Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Smelling Like A Daisy

(all images via VH1)

Ugh. My fears of a less-than-festive season of "Daisy of Love" are coming all too true! In fact, this show may just be even more down in the dumps than "Rock of Love Bus." And it started off so promisingly inane and retarded! Boooo. Hiss. Someone at VH1 needs to step in and take control of this train wreck!

The problem is Daisy herself. Besides being drugged out/drunk/whatnot she seems to actually believe that she will find true love amongst these reality dating show douches. She gets genuinely upset when these ersatz beaus act like imbecilic soulless jerks. It is both infinitely sad and infuriating. This is supposed to be FUN, people! Whassa goin on' ?
Where o where have the good times gone?

Let's just get this over with. I'm going to keep it short because it is all so depressing.

It begins well, with a "rock band" challenge that is sure to result in public humiliation and horror, and boy does it ever. Three teams are created, and right off the bat, Chi Chi's chi chi gets all bent out of shape because his best 'bro and room mate, the truly hideous-looking Sinister, doesn't pick him for his fake band on this fake show. The "twist" of the challenge is that each band has to make a rock song out of a nursery rhyme, like "Old McDonald Had a Farm." I don't really know why this was necessary, except to make the contestants look even more ridiculous than they already do. Mission accomplished!

The bands are named clever things like "Daisy Chain" and "Daisy Blades" (?).

Daisy is totes in love already with London, so even though his band sucks balls, they win. Sinister, who had the best band out of the three (which is like coming in first in an a-hole race), is fit to be tied. This aggression will not stand!

At numerous points during the rest of this episode, Daisy and London either make out or fight about nothing. Back and forth, back and forth--it makes no sense whatsoever. The winning band gets three brand-new Gibson guitars for free as part of their prize, and clearly the guitar means way more to London than Daisy ever could.

But she may be in looooove! Tears abound. Way too many tears ABOUND. Daisy is bereft! She manages to rationalize London's schizo behavior with the old "we must be love because we keep fighting" excuse that has kept the Daisys of the world in miserable relationships since the Dawn of Marilyn Manwich.

So London leaves the show of his own volition and Daisy goes to her pink grotto to sob. Three contestants in a row have left without Daisy asking! It hurts her feelings! She is devastated with only Riki Rachtman to soothe her soul!

Thanks a lot, VH1. Boo! Hiss!

Bret Michaels even in the black depths of his Road Ennui was at least marginally entertaining. And a professional. Professional what, I'm not sure, but compared to Daisy, Bret is the Barack Obama of reality dating. (And by the way, watching Daisy's interviews has given me a new appreciation of the genius that was Bret. I think now that he probably did not get lines fed to him, as I used to suspect; now it seems that he was actually pretty clever/funny on his own. Because if what Daisy is saying on this show was created by a professional writer then said writer should immediately commit hari kari.)