Saturday, March 14, 2009
What The French, Bret Michaels?
(all images via VH1)
On this week's "Rock Of Love Bus," there was:
A trip to a beach in Florida.
A platter of bikinis for the girls to choose from; Farrah and Ashley pick the teeniest ones, of course.
Babysitting for families of troops stationed in Iraq. Babysitting in itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny poke-a-Bret bikinis. For the troops!
The news that Brittanya and Ashley ARE MOTHERS. OF CHILDREN. HUMAN CHILDREN.
A little girl painting over Ashley's tattoo of herself naked and holding a gun:
A win for Ashely in the babysitting challenge.
The reversal of the Earth's rotation on its axis.
A romantic trip to Coyote Ugly.
A LOT of straight vodka poured down Beverly's gullet by Beverly before leaving the hotel room:
A LOT of drunk talk by Beverly to Bret that was less than complimentary (the "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" video was "a long-ass time ago,"etc etc), and more than awesome.
Skanktestants dancing on the Coyote Ugly bar, of course:
A near fall off said bar by an extremely intoxicated Beverly.
A gross and disgusting make-out session between Penthouse Pet of the Year Taya and Bret Micheaels back on the bus, while Beverly gives them the ole stink(ing drunk) eye.
A bonfire on the beach.
A three-way gross and disgusting make-out session at said bonfire between Ashley, Brittanya, and Bret, which causes Taya to have a fit and leave in a huff.
Mindy and Taya barefoot in a beach bathroom together.
Mindy and Taya naked in a hot tub together.
A gross and disgusting make-out session between new skinny girl Jamie and Bret:
The thought by the audience that perhaps Bret might want to get an emergency dose of Valtrex, stat.
Mindy and Taya showering in the hotel room together, discussing someone not being a person "you bring home to mom," which could mean any person on the show; Farrah, feeling certain they are talking about her, yanking open the shower curtain, exposing their nether regions to God and VH1, and yelling stuff at them:
A jar of salsa poured by Ashley into Mindy's suitcase, in apparent retaliation for the trash shower talk:
The statement from Mindy that it will take "more than a can of salsa" to deter Mindy.
A romantic dream date of ATVing on the beach for Ashley and Bret.
The realization by Ashley and the audience that Bret mistakenly sees Farrah as the alpha skank in the Ashley/Farrah dynamic duo and thus blames Farrah for Ashley being an unbelievable drunken bitch.
Another half-hearted hotel gym workout by Bret.
A discussion between Farrah and Bret in the hotel gym in which Bret makes mention of the dreaded "friendship connection" he fears he only has with Farrah.
A discussion between Beverly and Bret in the hotel gym in which Bret makes mention of Beverly's dreaded "angry side" that comes out when she is crapfaced hammered.
An elimination in which Taya and Farrah are the last two standing: Taya, because Bret fears she is only on the show to publicize Penthouse magazine and her incredible, outstanding, impressive, and exceptionally classy career as Pet of the Year; Farrah, because he likes Ashley and thinks Farrah is a bad influence, which shows that Bret Michaels is not MENSA material.
The elimination of Farrah, her "What the French?" catchphrase, and her boobs. We shall miss all four.
Next week: It's the "Bring the Exes Back" episode!