Thursday, February 05, 2009

Peens-n-Teens Are Somehow No Fun

This week's "Nip/Tuck" was a rather melancholy affair, which is odd, considering the fact that some of the plot lines include a Mary Kay Letourneau-type teacher/young boy love triangle, a penile enlargement, former lesbian anesthesiologist Liz getting a glam makeover, and Raj getting drunk and high. But somehow it managed to be very, very sad.

First up, the Mary Kay Letourneau story. The doctors interview "Carrie May" and a boy they assume is her son, but is in fact her husband. They have the EXACT same story as the real Mary Kay--she was the kid's teacher, they had a passionate and gross affair, she went to prison for statutory rape, she got out on good behavior, they were immediately caught doing it in a car, she went back to prison, and they got married when she was released and he turned 18. Now "Carrie May" is pregnant and the kid wants to look older so people will take him more seriously as a husband and father. The doctors are hesitant for about a millisecond but of course agree to do the surgery.

Wunderkind doctor/comic relief Raj introduces his father, also a brilliant surgeon, to Dr. Sean McNamara. Raj and his father have all kinds of issues because the father pushed Raj so hard to be a wunderkind all his life. Now the dad wants Raj to perform his penile enlargement so he can "whore it up" while globetrotting after the death of his beloved wife, aka Raj's mother. Raj is at first a wee bit apprehensive about operating on his father's peen, but the dad browbeats him into doing the surgery.

Dr. Sean McNamara is having troubles with his creepy Michael Jackson-lookalike son Matt, because Matt is not trying hard in his medical studies, to no one's surprise.

Dr. Christian Troy is getting his breast reconstruction surgery. Dr. Sean McNamara performs the operation with assistance from Raj, while Raj's father and Matt watch from the viewing gallery. In order to let Raj show off for his dad, Dr. Sean McNamara lets Raj finish the suturing. Dr. Sean McNamara talks with Raj's dad and clearly wishes a little Raj would rub off on Matt.

The breast reconstruction is a big success. Dr. Christian Troy has only a tiny little scar under his pec, so he can tell babes he was "knifed trying to stop a burglar" or whatever. In the mean time, poor former lesbian anesthesiologist Liz goes all out trying to make herself attractive to Dr. Christian Troy, who clearly doesn't like seeing her walk around the house naked and is banging skanks left and right. Liz gets a full-on makeover, with hair ironing, make-up, cute clothes--the works. And it is ALL IN VAIN because Dr. Christian Troy is a manwhore.

In fact, Dr. Christian Troy is such a vigorous post-op male slut that he pulls the sutures out while doing it and his breast implant goes all wonky. He runs into the Troy/McNamara operating room right when Raj is about to start operating on his father, and it comes out that Raj is the one who did the faulty sutures. Raj's father gets up and refuses to be operated on by his son, he's ashamed of him, blah blah blah. For someone in need of a penile enlargement, Raj's dad is a huge dick!

The surgery to age "Carrie May"'s husband is underway. The aging process seems to include a lot of mustache and side burn hair plugs. Afterwards, the husband's younger brother and father gather around with "Carrie May" to see the results. Oh, brother! You know where THIS is going. Sure enough, as soon as the bandages are removed and she sees the "older" husband and is clearly repulsed by his non-jailbait appearance, she practically leaps across the bed to ravage the younger brother.

Matt and Raj get drunk and high in Matt's truck. They commiserate over their relationship problems--the sex with trannies, the fathers who don't love them for who they are, etc etc. Suddenly, Raj implores Matt to slam the truck door on his hand so he won't have to be a surgeon anymore. Of course Matt does it. Matt is RETARDED.

Cue emergency surgery of Raj's hand and Dr. Sean McNamara shaking his head sadly at the devastated dad.

Matt tells Dr. Sean McNamara he wants to be an actor, not a doctor. Dr. Sean McNamara thinks this is fine. Dr. Sean McNamara is a fool.

We see an apartment door open, and in walks the newly-mustachioed-and-be-sideburned kid, calling out for his wife. Who is doing it with his teenage brother in their bed.

Former lesbian anesthesiologist Liz has a talk with Dr. Sean McNamara about her relationship with Dr. Christian Troy. The next thing you know, Dr. Sean McNamara informs Dr. Christian Troy that due to his horrible treatment of former lesbian anesthesiologist Liz, she is not only quitting their practice but moving back to Miami.


See what I mean? Not very much joie-de-vivre. All sadness, all the time. Boo! We want good times with our crazy over-the-top outrageousness! But hope springs eternal, because....

Next week: We finally get the Kimber-wants-to-inject-collagen-into-her-baby story!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Umm, don't forget also next week is the movie re-enactment of Dr. Sean McNamara's agent problems starring Bradly Cooper as Dr. Sean McNamara and MORGAN FAIRCHILD as Colleen The Teddy-Bear Killer!!!! I cannot WAIT.

Terri R.

PS: The last couple of episodes have been kinda meh, though.