Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Our Lips Are Sealed
(This photo montage is not even from this episode but I find it enthralling.)
I am happy to report that last night's "Nip/Tuck" was far more festive than recent episodes, with a delightful (if a tad derivative of an old Will Farrell "Saturday Night Live" sketch) man-addicted-to-sucking-his-own-penis plot line, a made-for-tv movie starring Miss Morgan Fairchild (!) as teddy bear murderer Colleen Rose, and the much-anticipated (by me) baby collagen injection story arc. The show did end on a bit of a bummer note, but overall it was every bit as outlandish, grotesque, trashy, and ridonkulous as we've come to expect from "Nip/Tuck." Huzzah!
Manny Skerrit is a yoga teacher who can't stop fellating himself. He comes to McNamara/Troy to beg for a penis reduction on his ginormous "Tyrannosaurus prick," which is available to his mouth because of his extreme flexibilty, and it is ruining his life because he's abandoned all other forms of activitiy in his life--all he wants to do is blow himself. They agree to the surgery after Dr. Christian Troy admits he's tried it himself, but of course couldn't do it: "Missed it by this much." This is the kind of thing that possibly only guys are obsessed with. But I could be wrong!
The doctors need to hire a new anesthesiologist because Dr. Christian Troy's dickish behavior made conflicted lesbian anesthesiologist Liz run off to Florida last episode. Dr. Sean McNamara hires one of those female characters on tv who are supposed to be "dangerous" (ie, tattooed, drives a Harley--oooh! naughty!) and "sexy" (ie, lots of burning eye contact--BURNING, I say! and tousled blonde hair). Clearly she is going to lead him down a road to ruin.
Kimber, the crazy ex--porn star/ex-wife of creepy Michael Jackson-lookalike son Matt/ex-fiancee of Dr. Christian Troy wants him to inject collagen into the lips of her 18 month-old baby (and Dr. Christian Troy's granddaughter) because she is trying to get a contract with powerhouse baby modeling agents "The Steves," who think the baby is the next "baby Cindy Crawford," but want to improve her "thin, villanious" lips. Several characters make reference to Baby Jenna's "thin, villanous" lips throughout the show, which is funny and sad at the same time. Dr. Christian Troy is appalled and goes with Kimber and Baby Jenna to see The Steves and try and get the names of the surgeons they use so he can report them, but of course they won't divulge that information and he leaves in a huff of righteous indignation.
In the mean time, Bradley Cooper returns (yay!) as Aidan Stone, the disgraced (for doing it with underage devious sloot Eden) sex-crazed actor from show-within-a-show "Hearts & Scalpels." He has written a script called "Deadly Tightrope: The Sean McNamara Story" based on Dr. Sean McNamara's experiences with Colleen Rose, his ersatz agent and would-be teddy bear murderer. They show a few imaginary scenes from the yet-to-be-produced screenplay with Miss Morgan Fairchild taking on the role (and giant black round glasses) of Colleen Rose. Aidan Stone has taken some liberties with the story--making Dr. Sean McNamara and Colleen Rose lovahs, having Colleen Rose murder an amusingly fat and bald Dr. Christian Troy by turning him into a stuffed teddy bear, etc etc. Dr. Sean McNamara is not sure if he should let the movie go into production or not, but his new, DANGEROUS and SEXY anesthesiologist tells him to take the money and run.
After a depressing baby model cattle call in which Baby Jenna is yet again accused of having "thin, villianous" lips, Kimber convinces Dr. Christian Troy to inject the baby with collagen. At the last minute he changes his mind, so Kimber does it herself and Baby Jenna immediately signs with The Steves and is going to make big money from Baby Prada, Baby Dior, et al.
During the auto-fellater's penis reduction surgery, the DANGEROUS and SEXY anesthesiologist convinces Dr. Sean McNamara to take gag photos (hey-oh!) of the yoga guy's enormous schlong while he's under anesthesia. The song playing in the background? That "Oh, Yeah" song by Yello from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, naturally. Ha!
Aidan Stone tries to get the yoga self-fellater to sue McNamara/Troy for taking the peen pics, which makes Dr. Christian Troy royally pissed off, and he throws a bit of a hissy fit. But Dr. Sean McNamara is clearly in the thrall of the DANGEROUS and SEXY anesthesiologist, and could care less.
Dr. Christian Troy sits at home, watching the ocean, being contemplative, looking sad. Dr. Sean McNamara comes in and tries to cheer him up, to no avail. Suddenly creepy Michael Jackson-lookalike son Matt comes barreling in with a hypodermic needle and stabs Dr. Christian Troy in the arm, because he thinks he's the one who injected Baby Jenna's thin, villianous lips with collagen, and is obviously the kind of person who stabs first, asks questions later. Dr. Christian Troy yells that he didn't do it, and they call Kimber, who admits her crime and says snarkily that now the baby is more successful at 18 months than Matt has ever been, which is true.
Dr. Sean McNamara rides on the back of a motorcycle with the the DANGEROUS and SEXY anesthesiologist and does it with her. This will end in tears (Dr. Sean McNamara's), I predict.
We see Baby Jenna on the set of some big-time baby advertising campaign, and Dr. Christian Troy playing with her and looking sad. Then we flashback to the scene where he refused to inject the collagen--and see that when Kimber doesn't do a good job, he finishes it for her. Kimber says she'll take the fall for him. Now we know why he's been so cranky and sad all episode--GUILT over injecting his 18 month-old grandbaby's lips with collagen!
Next week on "Nip/Tuck": Dr. Christian Troy's cancer is spreading and he may only have 6 months to live (so much for the good times! thanks a lot, "Nip/Tuck") and he travels to Florida to possibly propose marriage to conflicted lesbian anesthesiologist Liz!