Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Kraft Singles Commercial May Give Me Angina

This ad for Kraft Singles fills me with rage every time I see it on tv, which is constantly. Why does it make my blood boil so? For one thing, the two ideas being propigated are: 1) Kraft Singles are a bargain! And in this terrible economy, we need bargains! and 2) Kraft Singles are wholesome and nutritious and so good for your family! Check it:

Well, in response I can only say: J'accuse, Kraft Corporation. J'ACCUSE!

Kraft Singles are not cheap. In fact, many "processed cheese products" are surprisingly pricey--such as sweet, delicious Velveeta--but Kraft Singles are especially expensive, especially compared to in-store brands. Sure, they will survive a nuclear winter along with the cockroaches and Twinkies, but I'm always a bit shocked when I loiter around the American cheese section of the grocery store, as is my wont from time to time, and see how much a package of 16 slices of Kraft processed cheese actually costs. And far from trying to help the consumer by being "economical" in hard times, according to this article in Adweek, Kraft raised prices even more in recent months--during the economic meltdown--because of higher commodity prices and BECAUSE IT SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON ADS! Aaaaaaah!

As for the nutritional value of processed cheese, well, we all know that Kraft Singles are death in a wrapper. And I'm ok with this. I like American cheese. I'm no food snob--I drink Diet Mountain Dew, for God's sake! But I don't try to fool myself that that processed orange goop is good for me, anymore than I try to pretend there's not a giant glowing neon green Diet Mountain Dew globule taking over my spleen. If you're interested, this treatise on the "Krap" in Kraft Singles is pretty informative, especially the part about the mysterious, possibly evil ingredient called Milk Protein Concentrate.

I know it's just an ad, but I really hate the hypocrisy and unabashed mendacity that is being shoved down our throats. We are being force-fed grilled cheese lies!