Wednesday, January 07, 2009

"Nip/Tuck" Will Treat Male Breast Cancer With Sensitivity and Good Taste

I hate to say this, but I was a teensy bit disappointed with last night's "Nip/Tuck" premiere, but I probably had too-high expectations, for last season was the apex of hilarious insanity, and there was no way to go but down.

The best part was the "previously on 'Nip/Tuck' montage," which brought a wee tear to me eye as we flashed through last season's incredible run of ridiculous over-the-topness, with a quick look at the show-within-a-show "Hearts & Scalpels," Dr. Sean McNamara's emerging fame on said show, and of course the Sharon Gless-as-terrifying-fake-talent-agent-and-all-too-real-teddy-bear-killer Colleen Rose story arc. I only regret they didn't replay the hot tub diarrhea scene. The flashback ended with last season's final scene: Dr. Sean McNamara lying in a pool of blood on the floor of the operating room (where his boring daughter is getting facial reconstruction after a paparazzi-induced car crash), having been Psycho'd by Sharon Gless.

The premiere opens with a lady in Invisible Man-style sunglasses and bandages entering the lobby of McNamara/Troy's office building and being led into the elevator by a retarded security guard. It quickly becomes obvious that we are seeing the events leading up to Dr. Sean's stabbing, like a mini-prequel. We see Colleen Rose take off her bandages, sneak into the office kitchen, find a knife, and stab the bejeezus out of Dr. Sean McNamara; then she drags him out of the operating room, down the hall, and into a small room, where she locks the door.

Lesbian Nurse Liz freaks out when she enters the operating room not because her friend and boss has clearly been dragged off in a pool of blood, but because the boring daughter is in some kind of distress, so she screams for Dr. Christian Troy, who comes running and saves the day. Then Dr. Christian Troy follows the trail of blood to the locked room where Colleen Rose is being stabbed in the chest by Dr. Sean McNamara (RIP Colleen Rose, fake agent, maker of man bears), who says "I can't feel my legs," so you know the next scene is going to be him in a wheelchair, and of course, it IS.

However, you also know that there is no way he's going to spend the rest of the show as a paraplegic, and by the end of the episode he is up and walking with no real explanation. In between, however, he does enjoy energetic wheelchair sex with a blonde floozie he picked up in a bar, naturellement.

The other main story is that Dr. Christian Troy is diagnosed with breast cancer, and I'm already bored with this development. He is going to have body image issues, gender issues, life/death issues, blah blah blah. YAWN. More male gigolo-ing! What the hell happened to that plot line?

Also, creepy Michael-Jackson-lookalike son Matt has sufficiently recovered from setting himself on fire in a meth lab explosion to attend community college pre-med classes. Also: YAWN.

And finally, Dr. Sean McNamara is teaching plastic surgery at a local medical school, solely to introduce the Indian/Pakastani 17-year-old wunderkind surgeon/provider of comic relief into the cast And: YAWN.

Lesbian Nurse Liz has lost weight since last season.

There weren't any scenes with Julia, even though she ended last season as an amnesiac after being shot in the face by her lesbian lover's psychotic slutty daughter, which is fine by me because Julia is dull even when conscious, upright, and in a lesbian lover/ex-husband/ex-husband's business partner love triangle, so no loss there.

As lackluster as this episode was, I do have high hopes based on the "this season on 'Nip/Tuck'" montage, which showed always-delightful Jennifer Coolidge trying to get a "J.Lo ass" enhancement, lesbian Nurse Liz doing it with Dr. Christian Troy (!), and crazy ole Kimber trying to inject collagen into her baby's lips (so she can be the next "baby Cindy Crawford").

At least Dr. Sean is walking; there is only so much self-pity and wheelchair sex orgy-ing that I can take...

NOTE: Friend of Felt Up Terri R. just pointed out the obvious-to-everyone-with-a-brain-but-me: that Dr. Sean McNamara is faking being paralyzed--for sympathy? So he doesn't have to perform surgery? So he can continue picking up wheelchair-crazed blonde floozies in bars? It remains to be seen!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank GOD this is up. I have seriously been checking your blog every half hour looking for your recap!

Sean is FAKING being in a wheelchair!! How awesome and tacky is that?

Also, Dr. Christian Troy asking, "Shaft had tit cancer?" was the only good thing about his story line.

Did you know that they are calling this season, Season 5, part two? Weird.

I will miss Colleen so much. I'll never look at another Teddy Bear in the same way again.

Terri R.