Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I fretted last week that "Nip/Tuck" was slipping a bit after a lackluster season premiere (technically "part 2" of last season, for some unknown reason), but I needn't have worried. Last night's episode was chock full of the tasteless sex, insanity, and grotesqueries that we have come to expect from "Nip/Tuck," thank god. The main theme was "mothering," and all the horrors that go along with it!
The show opens with Dr. Sean McNamara, Dr. Christian Troy, and 17-year-old wunderkind surgeon/comic relief Raj (who calls everyone by their full names just like I do--ie, "Thank you, Dr. Sean McNamara") interviewing an extremely androgynous couple in flannel shirts and odd hairdos who describe themselves constantly as "horse people" in a very creepy manner. It seems that the male-ish half of the couple is going through some kind of "manopause" that has made him soft and girlish-looking. I kept thinking that if he got rid of his Dorothy Hamill hair cut, it might make a big difference. He wonders who will perform his surgeries (to man-up his jawline, pecs, flabby belly, etc) and says something along the lines of, "No offense, but you've got a doctor in a wheelchair, one in chemo, and a 17-year-old. Who is going to operate on me?" Good question, man/ma'am.
The breast cancer treatment for Dr. Christian Troy continues, and lesbian Nurse Liz is there for him during his seemingly endless rounds of vomiting. (I really hate seeing people throw up on screen, unless it is a puppet and the movie is Team America.) At first, Dr. Christian Troy is all, "I don't need you taking care of me, I can do this myself," but eventually (after his ex-fiancee/ex-porn star/mother of his grandchild Kimber humiliates him and then a hooker humiliates him and robs him of his cancer meds) he realizes he does need help getting through this, blah blah blah. Long story short: He does it with lesbian Nurse Liz! However, it is not nearly as fun and festive as cancer patient/lesbian platonic friend sex could and should be. He pretends to be zonked out and doesn't say a word, which is not a very nice thing to do to his friend, employee, and caretaker. The next day Raj immediately guesses what happened and they yell at each other and that's it. I wanted more! More what, exactly, I'm not sure, but MORE.
In the mean time, wheelchair faker Dr. Sean McNamara is getting involved with one of his comely female medical students. She likes to mother Dr. Sean McNamara. A LOT. She calls him "baby" and herself "mama" and she bathes him and shaves his genitalia and eventually puts a giant diaper on him. I can only repeat Friend of Felt Up Tanya B.'s observation: "How did it take this show so long to get to sexual infantilization?" How, indeed? We are in Season Five, Part Two! This kind of subject matter should have been addressed by the second season, tops. Dr. Sean McNamara likes the babying at first, but draws the line at the diaper and leaps to his non-paralyzed feet to usher the student out the door--all in front of boring ole Julia.
The operation on the horseman/woman is performed by Dr. Christian Troy with assistance from Raj while "I'm Not The Man I Used To Be" by Fine Young Cannibals plays in the background (!). Dr. Christian Troy keeps upchucking into surgical trays, much to the chagrin of EVERYONE. I know he can't help it, but it seems unsanitary.
Raj manages to get a b.j. in the office from the lesbian-seeming wife of the horseman/woman in gratitude for a job well done, but is horrified later when she sidles up next to him in the men's room and is revealed to be a MAN. Sort of. Raj discusses his sexual confusion with lesbian Nurse Liz, who knows a thing or two about these matters. Their little talk seems to make them both feel better.
Creepy Michael Jackson-lookalike son Matt punches a wall when told by Julia that Dr. Sean McNamara has been a wheelchair faker; only Dr. Christian Troy seems sanguine about the matter. He goes to Dr. Sean McNamara and tells him that he knows how hard it's been for Dr. Sean McNamara to take care of everyone and blah blah blah he can wait as long as it takes before he reconstructs Dr. Christian Troy's breast. Then he goes to vomit and Dr. Sean McNamara walks into the bathroom and puts his hand on Dr. Christian Troy's shoulder.
Next week on "Nip/Tuck," Dr. Christian Troy joins a breast cancer support group. Let's hurry this story up, shall we? Less chemo! More adult baby sex!