Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Ozzfist!


(image via E!Online)

Sharon Osbourne
might be in a spot of trouble with the law after allegedly physically attacking the least charming (and that is saying a lot) Charm School-er Megan H.,whose "job" is being a professional reality show contestant (she is a former winner of Beauty and The Geek and former loser on Bret Michael's Rock of Love 2 and I Love Money).

Apparently, during the filming of the recent Charm School reunion special, Megan said some insulting, possibly true, things about Sharon--that she is only famous for managing her husband Ozzy's career, and that he is a "brain-dead rock star." So Sharon went nuts and scratched Megan's face and pulled her hair, as one would totally expect Sharon to do in this situation. Megan can say what she wants about Dallas, Heather, Crystal, or Leilene, but when she maligns Ozzy, she is crusin' for a bruisin'!

All I can say is, brava! Sharon Osbourne! Brava! Megan has been so consistently hateful and horrible and bitchy and mean on all these shows, in a way that I think transforms her hot bod and pretty (for reality tv) face into a hideous Medusa-like visage of pure ugliness, that I'm really glad someone finally scratched her stupid eyes out.

Oh, and Megan is supposed to have her own spin-off reality show soon, called Trophy Wife. Or MILF Island. Or Dog Swap. I'm not sure which.

FREE SHARON!

Monday, December 08, 2008

Frightening Celeb Photo of The Day

I must admit that as much as I didn't want to, I did manage to fall into the k-hole that was Bravo's reality series The Rachel Zoe Project, which just got picked up for a second season. I couldn't help it! Zoe's incredibly odd, incredibly California voice and accent and speech patterns (pretend you are Scarlett Johanson after a long nap and say "That dress is bananas, shut up" in a flat monotone while zonked out on Xanax just after a Botox injection to the facial muscles and you are getting close to the abyss that is Rachel Zoe's affectless-bordering-on-vegetative persona), her insanely bitchy assistant, her adorably spiffy assistant-to-the-assistant, and her lonely, floppy-haired ambiguously gay husband all SUCKED ME IN against my will, like the Death Star.

Speaking of death, Ms. Zoe, who is famous for being a celebrity stylist and for rumors that she got Mexican horse pills as diet aids for her clients, is allegedly 37 years old. Behold her recent personal appearance at the opening of a door:


(images via just jared)



You could cut a pork chop with that clavicle! Does potato salad come with those ribs?

I do feel sorta bad making fun, because she recently announced she is fighting a valiant battle against a terrible illness: Gwyneth Paltrow Fried Egg Sagging Boob Syndrome, also known as "Flapjackitis." She is one brave, saggy lady. Swing low, sweet chariot, as Creed Bratton would say...

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Caught Between The Moon And New Crap City



Hmmm. I don't like the sound of this one bit. Apparently taking a cue from the geniuses who completely ruined The Bad News Bears, The Parent Trap, Freaky Friday, and seemingly every other beloved movie of my childhood (not to mention that monstrous re-make of The Women---Aaaaaaaaaah!), the word on the street is that English "bad boy" comic Russell Brand is about to star in a re-make of Arthur. ARTHUR!

Oh, how I loved that movie as a kid. I saw it about 5o times in San Antonio, TX, and I thought it was the funniest, most sophisticated thing ever. Why, it had it all--a fun hooker, naughty drinking, a bizarre love interest (Liza Minelli!), riches beyond your wildest imagination, a totally kick-ass Christopher Cross soundtrack, John Gielgud camping it up, romance, drama, and endless high hilarity!

Now, this Russell Brand fellow seems funny in an on-again off-again way, if a tiny bit too pleased with himself, but the main thing is that Hollywood just needs to STOP destroying the last vestiges of my cherished movie memories and come up with some new ideas. What's next? Miley Cyrus in The Wizard of Oz? Oh, god...

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

An Early Christmas Present. God Bless Us, Every One!

It turns out we DO need another hero. BEHOLD:


(click here for larger version! do it!)

Tina Turner at Madison Square Garden just last night.

In full Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome regalia.

She is 69 years old, people!

Simply the best, indeed.