Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The Turner Diaries

It's a slooooow non-news day, folks. The best I can come up with is that freaky grotesque Nicolas Cage is suing crazy old blowsy broad Kathleen Turner for libel in a London court over the claims in her autobiography that he was arrested twice for drunk driving and once stole a Chihuahua. From Us Weekly:
On Friday, Nic Cage’s attorney began libel proceedings against Kathleen Turner at London’s High Court.

Cage, 44, is suing Turner, his former Peggy Sue Got Married co-star, 53, for writing in her new autobiography Send Yourself Roses that the actor was busted for two DUIs and once stole a Chihuahua.

Turner writes, “He caused so many problems. He was arrested twice for drunk-driving and, I think, once for stealing a dog. He'd come across a chihuahua he liked and stuck it in his jacket.”

But in a statement issued last month, Cage fired back: "I have never been arrested for anything in my life, nor have I stolen a dog.”

Cage's lawyer tells New York's Daily News, "If he doesn't get a retraction, he intends to go full speed ahead with litigation in the U.S."
I can understand Nicolas Cage being upset over the DUI thing, if in fact that is untrue, but stealing a Chihuahua? Is he really going to get his knickers in a twist over something as ludicrous as that? Also, the British have much, much stricter libel laws than us freewheelin' hicks in the US. Here's a quote from the New York Times quote about a totally different libel case:
British publishing has long been notoriously hamstrung by the country's libel laws, which place the burden of proof on the defendant and often make it prohibitively difficult for authors to win their cases if they are sued.
Usually they are much more careful about what gets published there, as opposed to the US, where we'll publish anything. So even though Kathleen Turner is a notorious nutty nutball, I think it is more likely than not that the stuff in her book is true. If Cage was arrested but the charges were dropped, I'm sure he would get his record completely expunged. And how in the hell can he prove he never stole a Chihuahua? They're so wee he could probably fit a couple of those rascals under his toupé without anyone being the wiser.

Try growing a sense of humor along with your hair plugs, Nicolas Cage! Leave Kathleen Turner alone with her memories of former glory and her endless bottles of whatnot and go play with your Elvis dolls, knife collection, and child bride. Or whatever it is you do when you're not stealing Chihuahuas...

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