Monday, January 28, 2008

Twig-N-Perrys



I've been having a hard time getting into Bravo's latest reality competition show, "Make Me A Supermodel," for a variety of reasons: a) I didn't think it was possible, but apparently I can get tired of Bravo reality competition shows, b) it's hard for me to care about the problems of young tall super-skinny pretty people, c) I've been there and done that with "America's Next Top Model" and "The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency" and "America's Most Smartest Model" et al, and d) models are kind of inherently boring. However, the genius of Bravo programming is that no matter how little you want to watch one of their shows (like "Flipping Out" or "Work Out," etc etc ), they know that when there is absolutely nothing else on TV, when you have exhausted the annals of "Mystery Diagnosis," when "Intervention" is a repeat, when you've just finished watching the finale of "Sex and the City" for the one millionth time, and when you've actually seen the episode where the son gets his leg operation on "Little People, Big World" at least twice before, well then Bravo's got you right where they want you and eventually you will just give up the fight and let yourself get sucked in. Again.

Which brings me to aspiring male models Perry and Casey dressed in equestrian/bondage gear after tying each other up and biting and licking each other on a bed. Call me crazy, but I found it intriguing. Perry, who on a previous episode won the runway challenge with a broken foot, was the dominant one, and with his thuggish good looks and ability to appeal to straight women while acting gay, I think he has a bright future ahead of him in Hollywood, perhaps at the Scientology Celebrity Centre as a personal assistant to Mr. John Travolta, if not the runways of Milan and Paris. I love that he looks more like a prison guard than the actual prison guard who is a contestant on the show. Usually these male model dudes are waaaay too pretty/thin/young for my taste, but Perry's definitely got an appeal. Casey is also kind of cute, in a sweet, dimwitted, long-haired surfer-y way. They worked well together, that's for sure.

The bed thing was part of a "chemistry" photo assignment challenge, wherein the contestants were paired up in teams that had natural friction and/or awkwardness (haters with hatees, gay male with straight female, virgin with male ho, two straight females, etc) to see if they could overcome their obstacles to create chemistry on film. (They should have forced Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore to participate in this challenge before letting them make Words and Music. Ba dum dum! Try the veal!) Perry and Casey are straight, but they decided to be real men about it and not bitch and moan too much (there was some nervous joking, but whatever, I felt their intention was both to attempt to be cool and sophisticated with the gay theme and also win the damn challenge) and it was awesome. Very Velvet Goldmine mixed with Y Tu Mama Tambien. Here, check out this totes ridonkulous YouTube fan tribute montage of the photo shoot set to some is-it-supposed-to-be-funny? song by Mr. JC Chasez called "All Day Long I Dream About Sex" from wunderkind auteur Spiceboy97:



The runway challenge had a horsey/S&M theme, like an even kinkier Equus. (I do believe this is the second Equus reference I've made recently, and I still haven't made a naked Daniel Radcliffe joke yet! I'm losing my touch!) Normally bondage-y stuff leaves me cold, but this was so hilarious and the models all tried their best to have fun with it and not take it too seriously that I actually enjoyed it a little. Again, Perry and Casey were genius, and not surprisingly, Perry won the challenge.

I still haven't gotten hooked on this show yet, but if they continue to make straight boys lick each other's chins, well, I might be able to squeeze it into my busy television viewing schedule. I do have to admit I'm a teensy bit excited about the upcoming "Real Housewives of New York City," though, to my great shame. And I'm sure some day I will be desperate enough to watch "Millionaire Matchmaker," although I won't be proud of myself and will have to take a Silkwood shower immediately afterwards before descending down a shame spiral from which I might never recover. Bravo, Bravo! You continue to play me like a violin. Our co-dependent relationship continues to flourish...Well-played, indeed.

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