Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Mr. Blackwell Decides Not To Kick Britney While She's Down

(image via kabc)

The Associated Press has finally got the important news we've all been waiting for...No, not the New Hampshire primary results, silly. Why, it's kooky Mr. Blackwell and his annual "Worst-Dressed" list, of course!

A drumroll please....Numero Uno is...Victoria Beckham, aka, POSH SPICE!
"Forget the fashion spice, wearing a skirt would suffice! In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty Posh can really wreck-em," he said in a statement.

An e-mail message to Beckham's publicist, Cheryl Maisel, was not immediately answered.

Blackwell listed the Spice Girls as No. 1 in his 1998 worst-dressed list, deriding the group as "the only spices on the planet that have no taste."

The top 10 roll-call of fashion dishonors also included:

_No. 2. Amy Winehouse — "Exploding beehives above, tacky polka-dots below, she's part 50's carhop horror."

_No. 3. Mary Kate Olsen — "She resembles a tattered toothpick-trapped in a hurricane."

_No. 4. Fergie — "Yes, when it comes to couture chaos, guess it's all in a name!"

The rest of the top 10 list included Kelly Clarkson, Eva Green, Avril Lavigne, Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan and Alison Arngrim.

Missing from the list was Britney Spears, who has made it many times before.

"I felt that it was inappropriate at this time to make comment, when her personal life is in such upheaval. I hope 2008 is a better year for her," Blackwell said.

Blackwell also released a Fabulous Fashion Independents list that included Reese Witherspoon, Jemima Khan, Beyonce, Angelina Jolie, Helen Mirren, Nicole Kidman, Katie Holmes, Kate Middleton, Katherine Heigl and Cate Blanchett.

Wow, that's a lot to process. First of all, why in the hell is Alison "Nellie Oleson" Arngrim on there? I mean, she's great and all, but not exactly a huge star influencing the world's fashions. Or am I so old and out of it that I missed the big Argrim scene taking over Brooklyn's hipster elite? Do the Harajuku girls traipse around in Nellie Oleson outfits? Well, actually, maybe so, since lots of fashionistas are already embracing vintage Gunne Sax dresses...

And really, Posh may be orange, tanorexic, have horrible fake stapled-on balloon boobs, and be totes ridiculous, but I don't think she's that bad a dresser.

However I do think it's nice that he decided to leave Britney alone, since she's in no shape to receive any more bad news.

The rest I can't argue with, although I think Amy Winehouse has a way cuter (albeit grubbier) fashion sense than any of the others on the list.

It's funny that he put Beyonce, who mainly prances around in ridiculuous sparkly hot pants her mom made (and why not?), amongst all the prim, boring tastefuls in his "Fabulous Fashion Independents" list, which sure is heavy on the Brits.

I'm sure I'm the one zillionth person to ask this, but what exactly does Mr. Blackwell do when he's not making his list? And how do I get his job when he dies (which looks to be never)?


Anonymous said...

Is "totes" some new Brooklyn Harajuku slang I am unfamiliar with? What does it mean?!!? My guess is totally, but I'm not that hip...except that I had about 25 Gunne Sax dresses when I was little.

Terri R.

jennifer said...

"Totes" does indeed mean "totally," and is all the rage with middle-aged unpaid bloggers who never leave their house in the sticks.