Last night's "Project Runway" was a bit duller than I'd hoped from the sneak-peak they gave us last week. The challenge--which began with the contestants gathered in front of a warehouse on a dock--seemed so promising at first! I was hoping that inside was a giant pile of mystery junk under a tarp and that they'd be forced to make couture gowns out of a scrap heap of old tires or electrical tape or tin cans or something. But, alas, it was filled with Levi's 501 jeans.
(all images via bravo.com)
**OK, SPOILERS STARTING**
**DON'T GET YOUR DENIM UNDERPANTS IN A TWIST**
**YOU'RE EITHER IN OR YOU'RE OUT!**
There was a lady from Levi's on hand who told them that the challenge was to create an "iconic Levi's look," and then opened the warehouse to reveal the jeans and jean jackets that were all over the place. Poor Chris was once again at a disadvantage because of his size, since the designers were to run around beserk and grab as much denim as they could and shove it all into laundry bags. Sweet P., who apparently has never watched this show before and wore flip-flops on a field trip, lost a flop during the melee. These races go the swift! There were tons of jeans hanging on clothing lines, along with some white cotton material, but as fas as I could tell, no one used the white stuff, only the denim.
Back at Parsons, there was the usual swanning around talking about his own genius by Christian, who is getting on the others' last nerve with his extreme egomania. He also talks a lot o' trash about his competition, especially Our Lady of A Thousand Sorrows, Ricky, whom Christian thinks should not be there. The producers are clearly trying to position Christian as the "villain," but he's not evil or hideous enough for the job; compared to Wendy Pepper or Jeffy Dahmer, he's like Jimmy Stewart. A really, really young, gay Jimmy Stewart with asymetrical rooster hair.
The only drama this episode was between the Humorless Duo, Jillian and Victorya, who are now working solo humorless. During their team challenge, Jillian had made the awesome equestrian-inspired coat/jacket that wowed the judges, and what do you know? This week Victorya is making a fitted coat out of denim--and so is Jillian, again. For some reason this totally sends Jillian down a hate-filled shame spiral; she loses focus, can't manage her time, and pricks her fingers on the sewing machine so much that she breaks down in Ricky-esque tears. It's too bad she's not Elisa, 'cause then she could have used the opportunity to imbue the fabric with her bloody bodily fluids and become one with the Earth, or whatever the hell she used to go on about (o how I miss you, crazy lady!).
Tim Gunn comes around to do his critiques. He is concerned with the unfinished edges on Chris' dress, and Chris does the classic "Project Runway" mistake of ignoring Tim's advice and saying that he meant to do that and he likes it that way. Chris, you fool! Ignore Tim at your peril! YOUR PERIL, I SAY! You and Sweet P. are the only likable designers left! Please be more considerate of our needs!
Speaking of Sweet P., she is working on a patchwork denim wedding dress, for reasons known only to herself. But unlike Chris, when she hears Tim Gunn and his fears and concerns, she totally takes them to heart and starts ripping that thing up. Now, one time she went a little too far and ditched her entire outfit and almost got kicked off for her replacement dress (during the prom challenge), but this time she seems to know that she should just make some relatively simple taste and length adjustments.
There's hardly any footage of hot gay Mossad agent Rami, about whom we all were wondering one thing: How in the world is he going to do a Grecian drapey dress out of denim?
Christian, of course, is doing '80s puffy sleeves and skintight pants. He's the only one doing an actual pair of jeans, which was a smart move. The pant legs were made out of the arm sleeves of a jacket--that's how skinny they were. Christian thinks his outfit is fierce and he is a genius. Naturally.
Here's Christian's look:
Even though it's totally his usual retro pouffy thing, I have to admit the jacket cuffs open on the ankles are a great touch and I can see how Levi's would be able to sell this whole ensemble right now.
From Chris we have the dress that Tim had much furrowed-brow concern over:
It's not a disaster by any means, but it was a bit Gwen Stefani for Hot Topic for my taste. Chris is venturing dangerously back into costume-y territory! Be careful Chris! We love you and don't want to lose you!
Here is Our Lady of One Million Tears, Ricky, and his strapless mini-dress:
Somehow through his tears, he was able to create something nice. I liked the button-fly front details and the model looked cute. It's not the most creative, innovative thing I've ever seen or anything like that, but he did a good job, finally. Michael Kors was peeing his panties over this whole look with the beehive and talked about how Ricky, like him, must love Amy Winehouse. Oh, Michael, trying to talk all hip with the young people!
Rami's dress was not drapey! Huzzah! He did a similar-to-Ricky fitted minidress:
Except he added a Christian-esque '80s flapneck collar, and used zippers as trim (a la Jeffy Dahmer). The judges were just glad they were not transported in a Rami-built time machine back to an ancient Greece where denim togas were the fashion of the day.
Sweet P.'s dress came out great:
She shortened the length and that made all the difference. Funnily enough, this looks more like something that '70s-crazed Shields-and-Yarnell-inspired Jillian would have made. The judges went mad for it; in one of the cutest moments ever on this show, Nina Garcia said that "all of us here--the ladies, I mean--would wear this" and Michael Kors pipes in that he would, too, "with the right shoe!" It was pretty delightful. The only problem was that the Levi's lady didn't like it that Sweet P. didn't incorporate the Levi's logo red tag anywhere, so that spelled doom. You gotta push the brand, Sweet P.! It's too bad, though, because the other judges were in lurve with this dress.
Then the two coats from the Humorless Duo came out. This one is Jillian's:
She had the opposite problem from Sweet P.: The Levi's lady actually thought there were too many Levi's red tags! Jillian used them as a decorative motif on the shoulder and the result was fuuuugly. The whole thing was kind of blah and not up to Jillian's usual standards, but at least she was trying. Which cannot be said for Victorya:
This really looked like a regular ole denim jacket with a weird collar and skirt attached, and the judges thought so, too. But whose denim disaster was worth getting auf'd? Chris? Jillian? Victorya? It was hard to figure out which was the worst. And who would win?
In the end, and much to Christian's obvious shock, Our Lady of Perpetual Drama, Ricky, was crowned the winner through his vale of tears. He felt validated! He finally showed the rest of them that he deserved to be there! He cried and cried like a baby! And cried some more! And one more time! And somewhere in New York, right now, he's still crying! Sweet P. came in second, then Chistian, and ooooh, was he pissed. Hee-hee!
Thank goodness, our beloved Chris was safe. Then it was down to the Humorless Duo...and Victorya was OUT. Can't say I'm sorry to see her go. I think Jillian is way more talented, wears more ridiculous outfits, and sometimes will occasionally let out a teensy, tiny, half-hearted mini-grin. Victorya is physically incapable of amusement. And now she's gone! Huzzah!
Next week's preview was hard to figure out. Would they be designing for a swingers' club? Screaming toddlers? Sheep? All of the above? I guess we'll just have to wait and see...