Thursday, October 25, 2007

I, Too, Have Been Described As "Exuding Papal Grandeur"

SIGH! The Best Movie of All Time, Lagerfeld Confidential, is reviewed in the New York Times today, and though I fear I will have to Netflix this sucker (as soon as I finish The Complete Works of Vincent D'Onofrio Except For Feeling Minnesota, Which I Found Intolerably Twee) because these kinds of arty, fashiony documentaries tend not to make out here to the sticks, the tantalizing tidbits dangled before us are almost too much to bear:
Even now, he cannot go to sleep without a pillow clutched to his stomach.

His mother, he says, was “the polar opposite of a typical German mother.” She “exuded frivolity” and “made slaves of everyone.” Mr. Lagerfeld displays a similar mixture of eccentricity and severity. With his white ponytail, high white collars, sunglasses, fingerless gloves (his hands are festooned with rings) and preference for black, he resembles a man of the cloth, “a defrocked one,” he says matter-of-factly.

And like a priest, he is given to making lofty pronouncements with an aphoristic ring. If the documentary had a subtitle, it might be “The Wit and Wisdom of Karl Lagerfeld.” Or more accurately, “The Wisdom and Obfuscation.”

Here are some sample quotations: “I hate people who can’t be alone”; “The best things I’ve ever done have come from dreams”; ... “There is a German saying: ‘You can’t borrow on your past.’”; “I love change; I’m attached to nothing”; “When I took on Chanel, it was a sleeping beauty — not even a beautiful one; she snored”; “Success nullifies; you have to do it again, and better.” He sneers at “bourgeois marriages,” is pro-prostitution and, as befits a man who aspires to be an apparition, virulently anti-psychoanalysis.

His most unsettling remarks concern friendship. Hanging over every close relationship, he asserts, is a sword of Damocles. And he implies that many have been permanently exiled from his court. “Forgiveness isn’t something I’m preoccupied with,” he says. “Turning the other cheek is not my trip. The curtain falls: an iron curtain.”

Oh, Karl. We have so much in common! I, too, sleep with a pillow clutched to my stomach. I, too, favor ring-festooned be-fingerless-gloved hands. I, too, mix severity and eccentricity like so much coffee and cream. I, too, have a mother with a bunch of slavish devotees. I, too, am pro-prostitution (almost embarrassingly so!). And everyone in the coveted Felt Up Inner Circle is certainly aware of the sword of Damocles hanging over their heads. Acthtung! YOU ARE ALL ONE UNFLATTERING COMMENT AWAY FROM THE IRON CURTAIN COMING DOWN!

Your humble Felt Up blogette's birthday is just around the corner (she turns 24! finally!), and this year she has but one wish: THAT Lagerfeld Confidential COME TO TOWN!


Anonymous said...

It's only showing in NYC until 11/2. This isn't fair AT ALL.

Karl, you big tease! You fabulous, coifed, overly tanned tease! It's like you're one of us.

Unknown said...

Take heart Jennifer, if Austin is "the sticks", Greenville, SC is (not even in a planet anymore) Pluto :-)