Monday, July 02, 2007

Posh Promises That 30 Calorie-A-Day Diet Will Probably Help The Spice Girls Lose Weight

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! From Female First:
Victoria Beckham has devised a strict diet and exercise regime for the Spice Girls to help get them in shape for their upcoming world tour.

Victoria is keen for her bandmates - Emma Bunton , Mel C , Geri Halliwel and Mel B - to look their very best when they take to the stage in December, and has allegedly told the girls they should follow her healthy eating plan to shift any excess pounds.

A source said: "Victoria has told the girls her secret to getting in shape is 200 sit-ups a day and a diet of edamame soya beans, strawberries and lettuce. She is determined to make sure the reunion goes well because her image in America is important to her. She wants the girls to all look their very best, and says her diet is a guaranteed way of losing the pounds."

The girl group announced they were reuniting last week for an 11-date tour and to release a greatest hits album.

Your humble Felt Up blogette has managed to get her paws on some sample menus and meal plans from Posh's special Tell Me What You Want What You Really Really Want And Then BLOODY WELL DON'T EAT IT Diet:


Breakfast: One strawberry

Lunch: One edamame (no salt! causes bloat!)

Snack: 200 sit-ups

Dinner: One lettuce leaf (If you are Scary, you should skip this meal. LOSE THE BABY WEIGHT ALREADY, FATTY McLARDARSE!)


Breakfast: One strawberry

Lunch: Bend It Like Beckham Salad (Combine the following in a Karl Lagerfeld Home Collection giant black bowl while doing hot room yoga and wearing only giant platform high heels and a baby's onesie: One edamame bean, finely chopped. One lettuce leaf, shredded. Toss with juice of lemon. PLEASE NOTE: THE LEMON JUICE COUNTS AS DESSERT! THIS MEANS YOU GINGER!)

Snack: None

Dinner: 200 sit-ups


Same as above. Repeat until you're effing presentable, bitches! I WILL NOT BE MADE A FOOL!

1 comment:

porkmuffin said...

this is fucking hilarious.