Monday, July 09, 2007

It Smells Fishy



I just flew in from Los Angeles, and boy are my arms tired! Thank you! Try the veal!

Sadly, I did not have a single Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan sighting, probably because I was not hanging out in jails, AA meetings, eating disorder clinics, crack dens, or skid row whorehouses, although it wasn't from lack of trying. However, I did manage to eat, drink, and be very very merry so all was not lost. Also, I made it back to Felt Up HQ just in time to relay this incredibly important news bulletin about Ms. Catherine Zeta Jones: SHE WASHES HER HAIR IN CAVIAR AND TRUFFLES. From the UK's Daily Mail:
The Beluga caviar is apparently flown in from Iran five days ahead of her treatments at a beauty salon in South Kensington.

"Catherine discovered the caviar treatment last summer and was astounded by the difference it made to her hair," said a source.

"She has an incredibly rich and vibrant natural hair colour but the creamy, almost oily nature of caviar really brings this out, making the colour even richer and making it so much more glossy.

Husband Michael Douglas is also a fan of caviar, but he uses it for eating, not conditioning

"The eggs are packed with omega-3 fatty acids necessary for the formation of structural proteins. It is these proteins that repair dry and damaged hair and smooth over any split ends."

The two-hour pampering treatment at the celebrity salon, Hari's, also includes a complimentary glass of champagne and caviar canapÈs to nibble on.

Miss Zeta-Jones's hair is washed with a truffle-based shampoo, then smeared with the caviar, which is combed through and left to set.

Hilarious! Although I have to admit that if I was prostituting myself out to Michael Douglas for that pre-nuptial baby-making cash payout, I'd probably have my caviar on my head and eat it too, as well. Why not? You earned it, Jonesy! I'd rather poke my eye with a fork than spend five seconds in the vacinity of Michael Douglas' private areas. He was repulsive even in his heyday, and hey, that day is not only over, it's saggy, palsied and covered in liver spots. Blech! So I say, Catherine, honey, go for it. Take all your baths in Cristal! Wipe your ass with $1000 bills! Clean the wax out of your ears with mink Q-Tips! TAKE YOUR PLEASURES WHERE YOU CAN GET THEM, LADY!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love that she gets a "complimentary" glass of champagne with what must surely be a triple-digit salon bill.

Also, I wonder if they prepare the complimentary caviar canapes with what's rinsed out of CZJ's hair?

~ Spare E