Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Respect Yourself And Watch This Show!

Tomorrow night PBS' "Great Performances" is airing a documentary about Stax Records, the legendary soul music label:
Between 1959 and 1975, Stax Records in Memphis, Tennessee released international chart-topping hits such as "Soul Man," "Dock of the Bay," "Green Onions," "Midnight Hour," "Respect Yourself," and the theme from SHAFT. The label's artists included Otis Redding, Sam & Dave, Booker T and the MGs, Wilson Pickett, Isaac Hayes, and even Richard Pryor and Jesse Jackson. Founded by a white conservative bank teller who played country fiddle music, Stax became the preeminent soul music label in America, and became identified with the civil rights movement of the 1960s and '70s. RESPECT YOURSELF documents the Stax label, its visionaries, and most of all, its music.

I am madly in love with pretty much everything Stax ever produced; also the wee Brother of Felt Up is a virtuoso Hammond organ player who has been totally and single-mindedly obsessed with Booker T. and the MGs since he was 14 years old. We did numerous family road trips to Memphis and got to take a personalized tour of the city with music writer Robert Gordon, who wrote It Came From Memphis. My brother even named his son--the Nephew of Felt Up--Memphis Redding.

Check out Pat's band McLemore Avenue (named for the location of Stax Records in Memphis) and if you have even a casual interest in soul music, make sure and watch "Respect Yourself" tomorrow night. Check your local PBS station for times. DO IT!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Britney Meltdown Interview UPDATE 2

It seems that there was some inaccuracy in the reports yesterday about The Great Britney Spears OK Magazine Meltdown Interview of 2007. According to Page Six, the gown that was used to scoop up the puppy poo was actually a Zac Posen, not a Chanel. Apologies for the confusion, loyal readers!

On the upside, there's a little more to the tale:
AFTER wiping her fried chicken-grease-covered hands on a $274 dress and picking up her puppy's poop with a $6,700 Zac Posen gown, Britney Spears shocked OK! magazine staffers at her photo shoot last Thursday by storming out with thousands of dollars worth of merchandise.

Spears allegedly fled the shoot wearing $12,861 worth of jewelry, a $974 Vera Wang dress, $380 Lanvin heels and a $281 Pucci scarf. When the clothes she ruined are added, the total comes to $21,267.

AWESOME. The funny thing is that she didn't even like the clothes that had been picked out for her because they were not "sexy" enough--ie, not skanky-one-eyed-hillbilly-streetwalker-on-meth enough--for her taste. And yet she stole the lot!

I wonder where this will take our beloved Brit-Brit. There are rumors a' swirlin' that Fed Ex may be trying to get custody of the kids...and this is happening right when she is trying to record a comeback album. Will this debacle endear her to her fans even more, or will her publique eventually weary of all the bad publicity? I think the former! But only time will tell...

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Britney Meltdown Interview UPDATE

Thanks to Gawker.com, which pointed the way to this blog, here are some more details on The Great Britney Spears OK Magazine Meltdown Interview of 2007, which apparently came from an "insider" from the magazine:
Britney allegedly wanders around babbling like a baby – as in baby talk. Half the time her head can’t stay straight, lolling around on her neck like a bobble. I’m told she also has no boundaries and allegedly, several times, when she had to pee, even though one of the washrooms was being used as a staging area, she would drop trou and make a tinkle WITHOUT CLOSING THE DOOR and an entire crew working around her...

The girl allegedly can’t stop touching herself. As in fondling her breasts, rubbing between her legs… I can hardly bear to write this. She apparently goes about it absent-mindedly, as if not aware she’s not alone and at the same time, genuinely curious about her own body, described to me as “like a 5 year old discovering her genitalia for the first time”. Allegedly of course.

Boy, Chanel-dress-dog-poo-scooping is one thing, but this is quite sad. You're putting me on an emotional roller coaster, Britney Spears! The whole uncontrollably-rubbing-her-ladyparts thing has the ring of truth about it, doesn't it? Like La Lohan, she seems to be going down that tragic Judy Garland Former Child Star Shame Spiral, of which I'm normally quite the fan, but it's starting to get depressing. Not depressing enough to keep me from savoring all the details, of course, but pretty bad...

Best Britney Story Yet!

Ooh, ya'll! Britney Spears had what has been called "nothing less than a meltdown" during her big OK Magazine interview/photo shoot and the resulting pictures may a) "ruin her career" (to which I must ask, "WHAT career?"), b) destroy her reputation (ditto!), and c) make everyone love her all the more!

According to TMZ.com, Britney's eyes kept rolling back in her head, she was paranoid that the ceiling was about to cave in on her, she made frequent bathroom breaks which caused her mood to change erratically, and best of all:
We've also learned that Brit had some issues with hygiene on the set as well. At one point, Britney ordered up some fried chicken to munch on. We're told after she chowed down, she wiped her hands on a several thousand dollar Gucci dress that she was wearing for the shoot, staining it with grease. Yuck!

One of her dogs also needed some assistance in the housebreaking department. Our on-set spy says that the dog pooped all over the floor, and Brit used (what else?) -- a Chanel dress to clean it up! How trashtastic!

As for how Brit looked for the photos, another nightmare. We've learned that OK! hired two of the best hair and makeup artists in L.A. to transform the once-bald beauty into something more presentable, but she wasn't havin' none of that. She refused to let the hired help touch her, opting instead for her "skanky friends" to do her hair and makeup. No wonder she always looks so fantastic!

Oh, Brit-Brit. Dear, sweet, adorable woman-child! The image of you wiping up dog poo with a Chanel dress has just made my day--perhaps even my whole week! YOU ARE A DELIGHT. Sadly, this story is sure to be eclipsed by the Lohan Trainwreck going on across town from your palace o' paranoia, but don't let that worry you none. You just keep on doin' your thing, and let the chips fall where they may. And then wipe the grease from those chips on your Gucci...O, how I love you!

Lindsay Lohan Mug Shot!

Ever notice that the worse she's doing, the more she looks like her mother?

Rehab Works Wonders On Lohan

Oh, boy oh boy oh boy! From TMZ.com:
Lindsay Lohanwas arrested for drunk driving in Santa Monica early this morning -- her second bust in less than three months.

According to the L.A. County Sheriff's Dept., 21-year-old Lohan was nailed around 2:15 AM near Pico Boulevard and Main Street early Tuesday morning.

Just last week, Lohan was quietly booked by Beverly Hills PD for an alleged Memorial Day weekend DUI crash. She was due back in court on August 24 to face charges of driving with a blood alcohol level greater than .08 and misdemeanor hit and run.

Lindsay just turned 21 -- legal drinking age -- earlier this month. She's been voluntarily wearing a SCRAM alcohol monitoring bracelet for the past couple of weeks, even flaunting the device during a recent beach outing in Malibu.

But wait, there's more! Also from TMZ.com:
Lindsay Lohan was popped for possession of cocaine, driving under the influence, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility and driving on a suspended license. Sources say her blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13, well over the .08 legal limit.

Cops tell TMZ cocaine was found in her pants pocket.

Whew! "Transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility"? Oooh, girl, you're in such deep trouble! I don't see how on earth you can avoid some kind of jail time, especially after the P-Hole Hilton Prison Debacle. Maybe you can get yourself pregnant with an anorexic baby a la Nicole Richie? You better hurry, though!

Missy, I'm not going to lecture you on the evils of drugs and alcohol, because of that whole glass-houses-and-casting-stones thing. However, I've said it before and I'll say it again: WHY DON'T YOU HIRE A DRIVER? If I was as rich as you are, La Lohan, I would never drive a damn car again. I would have my driver take me to the mail box at the end of the driveway. Why do you insist on driving yourself everywhere, especially when the paps are following you and you're drunk/high out of your mind? WHY? And don't you have any idea how to STASH YOUR DRUGS? Didn't your mom teach you anything?

Developing. Stay tuned!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Scary Celeb Body Part Pic of the Day

Yes, we've beent there before, but let's take another trip down Madonna's frightening arm sinews, shall we?

EEK! I am reinforced in my belief that strenuous exercise is always a bad idea.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Scary Spice

You know the only thing your humble Felt Up blogette loves more than talking about herself in the third person is posting unflattering pictures of celebs--and today she is pleased to present this close-up of a female entertainer's oddly misshapen and highly dimpled leg:

(via the WOW Report)

Can you guess whose gam this is? Would you believe POSH "Lettuce Leaf, Strawberry, and Edamame Diet" SPICE? Yes, and the rest of this photo doesn't do her any favors, either--quelle tragique!

Or this other angle:

Not to be all gleeful schadenfreude-y, but I do admit to a teensy bit of inner joy that even Posh has her off days...

Monday, July 09, 2007

It Smells Fishy

I just flew in from Los Angeles, and boy are my arms tired! Thank you! Try the veal!

Sadly, I did not have a single Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan sighting, probably because I was not hanging out in jails, AA meetings, eating disorder clinics, crack dens, or skid row whorehouses, although it wasn't from lack of trying. However, I did manage to eat, drink, and be very very merry so all was not lost. Also, I made it back to Felt Up HQ just in time to relay this incredibly important news bulletin about Ms. Catherine Zeta Jones: SHE WASHES HER HAIR IN CAVIAR AND TRUFFLES. From the UK's Daily Mail:
The Beluga caviar is apparently flown in from Iran five days ahead of her treatments at a beauty salon in South Kensington.

"Catherine discovered the caviar treatment last summer and was astounded by the difference it made to her hair," said a source.

"She has an incredibly rich and vibrant natural hair colour but the creamy, almost oily nature of caviar really brings this out, making the colour even richer and making it so much more glossy.

Husband Michael Douglas is also a fan of caviar, but he uses it for eating, not conditioning

"The eggs are packed with omega-3 fatty acids necessary for the formation of structural proteins. It is these proteins that repair dry and damaged hair and smooth over any split ends."

The two-hour pampering treatment at the celebrity salon, Hari's, also includes a complimentary glass of champagne and caviar canapÈs to nibble on.

Miss Zeta-Jones's hair is washed with a truffle-based shampoo, then smeared with the caviar, which is combed through and left to set.

Hilarious! Although I have to admit that if I was prostituting myself out to Michael Douglas for that pre-nuptial baby-making cash payout, I'd probably have my caviar on my head and eat it too, as well. Why not? You earned it, Jonesy! I'd rather poke my eye with a fork than spend five seconds in the vacinity of Michael Douglas' private areas. He was repulsive even in his heyday, and hey, that day is not only over, it's saggy, palsied and covered in liver spots. Blech! So I say, Catherine, honey, go for it. Take all your baths in Cristal! Wipe your ass with $1000 bills! Clean the wax out of your ears with mink Q-Tips! TAKE YOUR PLEASURES WHERE YOU CAN GET THEM, LADY!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

World's Skinniest Embryo Makes Posh Determined To Try For Baby Number 4

TMZ.com says that Nicole Richie is, indeed, pregnant with what she hopes will be a healthy, bouncing get-out-of-jail-free card:
The starlet has been dating Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden for over six months. Rumors have been swirling for months that Richie and Madden were expecting, but TMZ has confirmed through several sources that she is, in fact, with child. In Touch magazine is also reporting that the couple will wed this summer. Richie is currently facing DUI charges stemming from her arrest last December, when she was found driving the wrong way on a California highway.

Richie's trial is set for July 11. If convicted, she faces a minimum of five days in jail.

Sigh. Not since Jayden Federline have I felt so sorry for a priveleged American rich kid. At least that baby got some decent, healthy nutrients during the pregn--oh, wait. Riiiiight. Scratch that thought.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Posh Promises That 30 Calorie-A-Day Diet Will Probably Help The Spice Girls Lose Weight

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! From Female First:
Victoria Beckham has devised a strict diet and exercise regime for the Spice Girls to help get them in shape for their upcoming world tour.

Victoria is keen for her bandmates - Emma Bunton , Mel C , Geri Halliwel and Mel B - to look their very best when they take to the stage in December, and has allegedly told the girls they should follow her healthy eating plan to shift any excess pounds.

A source said: "Victoria has told the girls her secret to getting in shape is 200 sit-ups a day and a diet of edamame soya beans, strawberries and lettuce. She is determined to make sure the reunion goes well because her image in America is important to her. She wants the girls to all look their very best, and says her diet is a guaranteed way of losing the pounds."

The girl group announced they were reuniting last week for an 11-date tour and to release a greatest hits album.

Your humble Felt Up blogette has managed to get her paws on some sample menus and meal plans from Posh's special Tell Me What You Want What You Really Really Want And Then BLOODY WELL DON'T EAT IT Diet:


Breakfast: One strawberry

Lunch: One edamame (no salt! causes bloat!)

Snack: 200 sit-ups

Dinner: One lettuce leaf (If you are Scary, you should skip this meal. LOSE THE BABY WEIGHT ALREADY, FATTY McLARDARSE!)


Breakfast: One strawberry

Lunch: Bend It Like Beckham Salad (Combine the following in a Karl Lagerfeld Home Collection giant black bowl while doing hot room yoga and wearing only giant platform high heels and a baby's onesie: One edamame bean, finely chopped. One lettuce leaf, shredded. Toss with juice of lemon. PLEASE NOTE: THE LEMON JUICE COUNTS AS DESSERT! THIS MEANS YOU GINGER!)

Snack: None

Dinner: 200 sit-ups


Same as above. Repeat until you're effing presentable, bitches! I WILL NOT BE MADE A FOOL!

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Sleepin' Single In A Double Suspended Cement Box

Sooooooo, it turns out that incredibly ridonkulous magician Criss "Mindfreak" Angel is secretly married, and the little missus (pictured left) is none too pleased with his recent non-stop running around with temporarily deranged Cameron Diaz. According to the NY Post :
The "secret" Long Island wife of kooky magician Criss Angel yesterday accused him of having an affair with Cameron Diaz, claiming their marriage broke down as soon as the TV illusionist got famous and bedded the Hollywood star.

Celebrity lawyer Dominic Barbara - who represents Angel's wife, Joanne Sarantakos - says he will now subpoena Diaz and have her testify about their romance, in state Supreme Court in Mineola, to support the spurned spouse's divorce suit on the grounds of mental cruelty and abandonment.

Angel - who changed his name from Sarantakos and moved to Las Vegas after he hit the big time with his TV show "Mindfreak" - kept his wife of five years "as a secret" to increase his sex appeal to female fans, Barbara said.

The couple had a 15-year relationship, he said.

"We're naming Cameron Diaz as his lover," Barbara told the court. "We will subpoena her as soon as she comes back to New York."

Later, he said he'd had Angel tailed by a private investigator for six months.

Angel's lawyer, Elliot Weiner, did not deny the adultery allegation.

Cameron Diaz's flack did not return phone calls and e-mails.

I don't actually find this story all that interesting--although it is amusing that Cameron Diaz is wrecking a home (albeit a secret one), may have to appear in divorce court proceedings, and has been followed by a private eye all so she can boink the most hysterically bad personage on the planet--but I am always glad for any excuse to post frighteningly ludicrous photos of Criss Angel, such as these: