Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Voldemort Finds Romance With Evil Queen!

So P-Hole got out of jail last night--SIGH! But to cheer us all up and help us carry on with our lives, here's a nice lil' tidbit from Page Six;
Ellen Barkin, who was so hot and bothered in "Ocean's Thirteen," might be getting some relief with Ralph Fiennes. Late Sunday night, our spies caught them at the Mercer, "holding hands and cuddling before going up to his room." A week earlier, they had been "full-on making out," also at the hotel. The ex-wife of Ronald Perelman should be aware: Fiennes was warned to take an HIV test after he had unprotected sex with a Qantas stewardess on a flight to India. Reps for both didn't return calls.

First of all, I always get extremely happy when I hear any stories that involve serial sex perv/possible STD carrier/Oedipal-mother-issue-haver Ralph Fiennes. Throw in the fact that it involves a fling with Scariest Actresss Alive/World-Class Ball Buster/Professional Maneater Ellen Barkin and, well, you have the makings of a classic non-news item! This may be one for the books. Way to go Ralph! Just watch out for Ms. Barkin--she will chew you up like so much Sea of Love scenery and spit out a few shreds of pasty English skin fragments when she has finished with the likes of you!

Don't believe me, dear readers? Do you persist in the naive notion that Ellen Barkin is a delighftul cougar who couldn't hurt a fly? Well check out this photo of Ralph Fiennes showing young, innocent Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame what she's like in the sack:

That poor boy is going to be traumatized by life, Ralph! He's going to fear all older blonde women with severe bobs! Speaking of bobs, or actually "pobs," doesn't Ms. Barkin bear a striking resemblance to Posh Spice Plus Twenty Years in the above photo? Makes you think, huh? (Think what, exactly, I'm not sure, but something unpleasant and vaguely frightening!)


Anonymous said...

Oh, how I've missed you, Felt Up.

Thanks for the post! I love all stories involving Ralph Fiennes.

Terri R.

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