Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Kurt Loder: Killer Of Buzzes, Destroyer of Dreams

I'm sad to report that Keith Richards is now backing away from the already-infamous "snorted-his-dead-father's-ashes" story, thanks to needless meddling from that pesky Kurt Loder. Sigh! From MTV News:

Maybe you saw that Keith Richards item that started popping up all over the place on Tuesday (April 3) — the one about how he'd admitted to snorting the ashes of his late father after his body had been cremated? Great story, right? And yet, like so much in the world of celebrity journalism, totally untrue.

In case you missed it, this little yarn first appeared in the pages of London's notoriously unreliable New Musical Express. The magazine quoted the Rolling Stones guitarist as saying, "The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared. ... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

This wildly dubious quote proved irresistible to newspapers, wire services and TV and online outlets on both sides of the Atlantic, from The Associated Press to Forbes, The Drudge Report, Breitbart and E! Online. In fact, it was such a great story that nobody bothered trying to confirm it with a Richards representative — why spoil the fun with facts?

In a buzz-killing mood, though, we decided to check with Richards' longtime manager, Jane Rose. We asked her about the dad-snorting quotes in the NME interview. She responded with an e-mail:

"Said in jest," she explained. "Can't believe anyone took [it] seriously."

Damn you to hell, Kurt Loder! You've destroyed yet another generation of daydream-believers with your "buzz-killing mood." And please tell me this: When are you not killing buzzes? Isn't buzz-killing sort of your raison d'etre, like The Crypt Keeper? Boo, hiss! How many more must suffer at your hands? How many more lives will you ruin? THERE'S A WAR GOING ON, KURT LODER! WE NEEDED THIS!

The thing is, just because his manager says it was a joke, that doesn't necessarily mean it was. She might just be doing damage control for an overly-honest client. She may have had Keith brainwashed to believe he didn't actually snort his father's ashes with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Who knows what the truth is anymore? OUR LEADERS LIE TO US ALL THE TIME, SO WHY SHOULDN'T KEITH RICHARDS' MANAGER?

That's all I'm sayin'....


TrAngela said...

i don't care what any of them say. As far as I'm concerned, he snorted his daddy up like any other rail. muhahahahaha

Greg said...

It's true because I want it to be true.

Anonymous said...

AND that he doesnt appreciate the contribution to Rock and Roll that the Moody Blues gave us/.