Friday, March 09, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith Loved Red Meat

Marshall Black Deer Soto.

Yes, the headline is in poor taste. I KNOW. But both Gawker and its sister site Defamer have been urging readers to check out a fabulous new angle to the Anna Nicole Smith Death Circus by posting excerpts from The Phoenix NewTimes' interview with a Native American from the Tohono O'oodham reservation in Arizona named Johnny Soto who claims his son Marshall Black Deer Soto is Anna Nicole's love baby, and just like Anna Nicole, I couldn't help myself.

Here are some more choice bits from the piece, which really must be read in its entirety, because it's just that awesome:

"At first, it was all in fun," Soto details. "She'd call my you-know-what her 'tomahawk,' her 'wooden Indian,' or 'big wampum.' Sometimes she'd ask me to do a war dance naked with this feather from one of her dresses stuck in my baseball cap. I tried to tell her that the Tohono O'odham don't wear feathers, but she didn't care. She thought it was funny, and it turned her on, so I did it, though I have no idea if our people even have a war dance."

Smith gushed that she found him so exciting in bed, partly because what they were doing was taboo. Being from the South, race-mixing was a no-no for a white woman, but Smith secretly craved crossing the color barrier. She told Soto that sleeping with him was "almost like sleeping with a black man." She loved his skin color and the smell of his sweat, which she claimed tasted different from a white man's.

"Sometimes I felt like I was being used, and it left a bad taste in my mouth," says Soto. "But I was just as guilty as she was. The only whites I'd ever had sex with were prostitutes, and I couldn't get enough of Anna Nicole. I fell under her spell. I did whatever she asked."

That meant enduring Anna Nicole's singing the un-PC Disney song, "What Made the Red Man Red," from Peter Pan, as they took a bubble bath together. Or complying with her insistence that he perform an "Injun yell," as she called it, when he climaxed.
Oh, but the extra-special luvtalk doesn't end there. After Anna Nicole allegedly got pregnant and had little Marshall, Soto took custody and Anna Nicole sent notes and letters detailing her anguish at being separated from her lover and son:
One reads, "Oh, my brave Injun-man, how I long to be with you and feel your red manhood. Look after my little paapoosie [sic], and soon I'll be your squaw again. I love you, kemosabe, Anna.
Sometimes Anna Nicole would visit her "other family" at the reservation, and a special time was had by all:
"I remember, one time she met us close to Christmas and gave us presents while Stern played slots in the Casino," Soto recalls. "She gave Marshall an Indian play doll, with a teepee and a horse. That was okay. But then she gave me an old Cher CD. Remember that one from the '70s, Half-Breed? She said it was one of her favorite songs, and could I play it for Marshall. I kept thinking, 'How dumb is this woman?'

Well, Johnny, I have to wait until all the facts are in, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say: Pretty damn dumb. And yet, there was a kind of genius to Anna Nicole...This much we know for sure: There will never be another squaw like her.

Johnny Soto, Anna Nicole's "Brave Injun-man."

I really can't stress enough how great the full article is. Go right now and read it in all its glory. Also, I think it may actually be true...


acwo said...

Great blog, I like it :)
Keep it up.

TrAngela said...

you, my friend, are a genius! I was so caught up in the Who's The Daddy fiasco I never took the time to construct the other children angle! WOW! I, of course, plan on believing everything about this story. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

This is totally outrageous and untrue!! Yeah right, really who the hell is this supposed Soto guy. The tribes never heard of him! Oh and whoever wrote this, you need to learn how to spell the Tribes name! What a disgace to our tribe!! from a REAL tribal member

Anonymous said...

Nice -