Wednesday, February 14, 2007

You're Never Too Young For Heroin Chic



Ready for the latest "revelation" about Anna Nicole Smith's sordid life and death?

Yeah, me neither, but what else have we got?

Weeeeeeeeeellll, it seems that back in December, Anna Nicole's nanny wrote an affidavit saying that she was quitting her job because Anna Nicole wanted her to deliberately underfeed Dannielynn so that the baby could be "sexy." Yes, that's right, the lady says that Anna Nicole wanted a hott-n-sexy skinny baby. Oh, and also Anna Nicole tried to commit suicide a couple of times and was romping around with that Immigration Minister of Infamy. Yadda, yadda, yadda. From TMZ.com:
TMZ has obtained an explosive legal document written by Anna Nicole Smith's former nanny, which contains shocking accusations about her former boss, including suicide attempts, sex romps, and a claim that Smith dangerously starved Dannielynn because "She wanted her baby to be 'sexy'."

According to the sworn affidavit written in the Bahamas on December 4, 2006, Quethlie Alexis claims she received repeated threats from Smith, aka Vickie Marshall, to "underfeed" Dannielynn because, "Ms. Marshall was obsessed with making sure that her baby was 'sexy.' Ms. Marshall knew that the correct amount of baby food was 3 ounces every 3 hours ... Ms. Marshall insisted that the maximum I was to give was 2.5 ounces." Alexis claims that Smith enforced the order by "making sure the baby monitor was kept on all the time." Alexis adds Dannielynn "is badly underweight and not thriving, as a baby should."

According to the document, Alexis says that Smith threatened to "shoot her" if the baby ever addressed the nanny as "Mummy."

In the document, Alexis also claims that during her brief employment, Smith "attempted to commit suicide" on two separate occasions. "On the first occasion, she drank in my presence an entire bottle of what I believed to be a sleeping aid." Alexis claims that when Smith woke up from the resulting 48-hour coma, she blurted out the words "I wanted to die ... I meant to kill myself."

According to the documents, Alexis claims that Smith also "tried to drown herself" in her swimming pool. Alexis claims that Howard K. Stern rescued Smith from the pool. Alexis claims she heard Stern say to Smith after the rescue, "If anything happens to you, I would go to jail."

The document also describes the "flagrant sexual relationship" between Smith and the Bahamian Minister of Immigration, Shane Gibson. According to the affidavit, Alexis never witnessed Gibson and Smith having sex, but the former nanny claims the minister would, "spend hours alone with Ms. Marshall in her bedroom" on a "daily basis."
OK, if this was going on why didn't the nanny report Anna Nicole to child protective services or the police? The only thing going for the nanny is that this was written well before Anna died, but it is still rather suspicious, to say the least. Oh, who the hell knows what is true in this cavalcade of crazy?

I can see a whole line of Larry Birkhead-endorsed onesies emblazoned with "I'm Too Sexy For My Crib" or bibs with "I'm Too Sexy For My Bib" that will both criticize the idea of sexy babies and make money off of it. He could bring one (perhaps worn on a stunt baby hired for the day?) to the paternity hearings...

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