Sunday, February 25, 2007

Semi-Liveblogging The Oscars

Celine Dion is single-handedly ruining one of my favorite soundtracks of all time--Ennio Morricone's "Once Upon a Time In America"--by singing some horrible schmaltzy lyrics that have turned it into a carbon copy of whatever that crappy "Titanic" song was. Bleh.

Apparently, Ennio only speaks Italian and they're showing Gwyneth Paltrow in the audience smiling smugly because she speaks every language on earth and is superior to everyone. God, I hate her.

Terri R. is right--Penelope Cruz has funny ears. Hugh Jackman is tall. And so much less appealing when not in his "Wolverine" make-up.

Tobey Maguire must be a midget, because he's the exact same height as Kirsten Dunst, and she's a teensy tiny wee elfin sprite.

J. Lo is still doing her Grecian Goddess/Liz Taylor Circa 1971 thing. They're doing a "Dreamgirls" medley. Beyonce should get an honorary Academy Award right now for smiling every time she looks over at Jennifer Hudson. Also Beyonce's wigmaker should get some kind of special Achievement in Weave Oscar. Jennifer Hudson's stylist should have hidden her bra better, you can totally see it sticking out of her dress' cups. Hey, there was a third Dream Girl! Who knew?

O dear god, it's the second gospel choir of the night.

Hey, it's two queens! Latifah and Travolta! Best Song goes to...Melissa Etheridge for "An Inconvenient Truth," and she just kissed her wife on the mouth. Whoo hoo! Take that red states! I thought the wife was Natalie Maines at first....wouldn't that send certain people into a complete hissy fit? HA! Good for you, Ms. Etheridge. Short-n-sweet speech, too.


impychimp said...

I couldn't stand watching Beyawnce singing any harder. I've never seen anyone sing with so much force and so little effect. Double meh.

Anonymous said...

Dude: Hugh Jackman is cute as himself, but he is H-O-T-T as Wolverine. Richard M. and Rebekah M. will back me up on this. You must have been feverish last night.

Terri R.