Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Where There's Firecrotch, There's Fire?



PROGRAM NOTE: Felt Up is experiencing some technical difficulties, so this post and others that follow may lack the usual boldface names, links, indentions, etc. Normally these kinds of setbacks are enough to make your humble blogette refuse to post anything and instead pout and carry on and not get out of her pjs until 4pm and eventually drown her sorrows at the bottom of a sweet, sweet bottle of scotch, but these are troubled times and we need tawdry, tacky gossip now more than ever. And I can still stay in my robe and get drunk, after all.

Sorry for the unprettiness!

BACK TO THE DIRT, ALREADY IN PROGRESS:

The ongoing drama in the Dita Von Teese/Marilyn Manson divorce has taken a ghastly new turn, as totally unverifiable reports are surfacing on the interweb that busy lil' appendix-free bee Lindsay Lohan may have contributed to the couple's marital woes. From Starpulse.com:

Dita Von Teese allegedly split from husband Marilyn Manson because she was sick of his constant partying and friendship with Lindsay Lohan. The burlesque dancer filed for divorce from the goth rocker last Friday citing "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for the split.

Now it has been revealed that Dita, who moved out of the couple's house before Christmas, decided to walk away from the marriage after growing tired of Manson's late night parties and refusal to settle down and start a family.

A source close to Dita told The Sun newspaper: "She just had enough of his wild partying. Lindsay Lohan was ringing up the house wanting to come round and party with him. The phone would go all through the night, with people constantly turning up to hang out. Dita wants a quieter life and to have a baby. She told Manson to sort himself out or she was leaving. Unfortunately, nothing changed and he didn't clean up his act."

It has also been alleged that Manson - real name Brian Warner - had become paranoid from drug use during the pair's marriage. The source added: "He became paranoid as a result of the drugs he was taking. At one stage he thought the cleaner was trying to kill him."
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Oy vey. I KNOW La Lohan has terrible taste in dudes (see Valderrama, Wilmer) but for the love of sweet, tiny baby Jesus--MARILYN MANSON? Surely this can't really be true. However, I'm ready and willing to speculate wildly about this situation, as always. With Dita Von Teese, it wasn't too hard to see that she got a lot of press and money and so on and so forth from her relationship with him, and as a third-tier celeb, she needed that boost into the higher echelons, even if she had to sell her soul to do it. But Lindsay Lohan is already top-level famous, she sold her soul to the devil down at the crossroads back when she was but a mere gleam in her drunken father's eye, so what does she gain? Maybe their shared love of las drugas was what bonded them (although doesn't every single man, woman, and child in Hollywood love their cocaina and whatnot?)...Maybe she wanted to take a walk on the wild side--the horrible, skinny, revolting wild side. Maybe he's some kind of father figure for her (Just exactly how old IS he, anyway? When one affects the look of a grotesque, it is hard to pinpoint one's age.) OK, I'm out of ideas. This case just gets curiouser and curioser, people!

Stay tuned for more horrifying details as they emerge!

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