Wednesday, January 31, 2007

WARNDING! HOMELAND RETARDATION ALERT RAISED TO SEVERE!



Just when you thought things couldn't get any dumber in this great nation of ours, here comes this chilling story from CNN:
BOSTON, Massachusetts-- Electronic light boards featuring an adult-cartoon character triggered bomb scares around Boston on Wednesday, spurring authorities to close two bridges and a stretch of the Charles River before determining the devices were harmless.

Turner Broadcasting Co., the parent company of CNN, said the devices contained harmless magnetic lights aimed at promoting the Adult Swim network's late-night cartoon "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." Law enforcement sources said the devices displayed one of the Mooninites, outer-space delinquents who appear frequently on the show, greeting visitors with a raised middle finger.

"While the concern is lessened as a result of the investigation, I'd like to remind citizens to treat any suspicious devices with care and to call 911 if any such device is found," Boston Police Commissioner Ed Davis said.

The devices had been placed as part of an "outdoor marketing campaign" in 10 cities, a Turner Broadcasting statement said.

"Parent company Turner Broadcasting is in contact with local and federal law enforcement on the exact locations of the billboards," the statement said. "We regret that they were mistakenly thought to pose any danger."


Yes, a blinking electronic cartoon character from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" was just too damn suspicious for the people in charge of guarding the safety of Bostonites. But wait, it gets even better:
The discovery of nine of the devices around metro Boston led state, local and federal authorities to close the Boston University and Longfellow Bridges, and block boat traffic from the Charles River to Boston Harbor.

In addition, the Pentagon said U.S. Northern Command was monitoring the situation from its headquarters in Colorado Springs, Colorado, but said none of its units were sent to assist.

Davis said police "are going to fully investigate this and get to the bottom of it."

Somewhere at NORAD there is a WOPR war games computer giggling hysterically, I bet.

Oy, vey. I think this is the day when we can finally admit that the terrorists have already won. Sigh...

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