Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Diamond In The Rough

Always drama-filled reality competition show "Celebrity Fit Club" on VH1 just got even more insane with two separate fights that broke out on set recently, according to
According to on-set sources, the first fight took place between medical/diet expert Dr. Ian and Ant, the show's host -- over a cigarette. We're told that during a break in filming, Dr. Ian exploded after Ant fired up a cancer stick in the doc's vicinity, and began shouting and threatening Ant with violence, forcing producers to immediately shut down production. We're told that after the two men were separated, egos were stroked, and both men got over the flare-up and production resumed.

Soon after, as first reported on, former child star-turned-porn-star Dustin Diamond allegedly threatened to "make a dildo of my c**k and f**k" former "American Idol" star Kimberly Locke with "it" during a heated on-set altercation. According to our sources, Locke, along with almost every member of the cast, including 80's pop star Tiffany, rap star Warren G and "Brady Bunch" star Maureen "Marcia" McCormick all stormed off the set. Only Ross the Intern stayed.

We're told that producers have exiled Dustin Diamond and he will no longer have any interaction with the cast. According to our source, the cast couldn't be happier with the Screeching halt.

Whoa! Let's examine this a little further. I'm not exactly shocked that Ant, The Gayest Man on Television Besides Ryan Seacrest, got beyotchy over his right to smoke a cigarette. Power to the people! But I am a teensy bit surprised that his adversary was Dr. Ian, who is supposed to be the "nice" one on the show (besides that useless namby-pampy therapist whose sole purpose is to make the contestants cry). If anyone had the cojones to throw down with Ant, I'd have thought it would be macho marine Gunnery Sergeant Harvey Walden IV, who takes no guff from anyone. It just goes to show you never can tell!

Now on to "Screechgate": What is wrong with that guy? Here he is, trying to desperately claw his way out of bankruptcy and losing his home by first making a porn tape featuring a "Dirty Sanchez" and now appearing on The Last Gasp Before Total Career Death Reality Show (aka "Celebrity Fit Club") and he jeopardizes the tattered remains of whatever sympathy anyone on Earth ever had for him by being a complete dickwad on national television--to the point that even Marcia Brady won't speak to him? HOW MANY DRUGS ARE YOU ON, SCREECH?

The only way he can make this work for him is if he manages to parlay this fiasco into a "Shooting Sizemore"/"Breaking Bonaduce
"-style VH1 depressing-as-hell reality show of his own. It could be called "Dildoing Diamond," perhaps, or "Dusting Dustin," or "Scrapping Screech."

I should so totally work for VH1. These ideas are gems I'm throwin' out there, people! GEMS!

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