Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Bravo Is Dead! Long Live Bravo!



Soooooooooo, it would seem that Food & Wine's "spoiler-not-a-spoiler" debacle was actually an honest-to-god spoiler, for lo and behold, 24-year-old douchey all-Spanish-food-all-the-time contestant Ilan is indeed the winner of this season's Special Clusterf**k Season of "Top Chef." Yadda yadda yadda. Since both of the final two were beneath contempt (Ilan had the gall to criticize last year's winner and America's sweeety sweetheart Harold for being too "boring", while Marcel was a sore loser who kept making cracks abut Ilan's "paprika"), it was hard to care who won, although I had a slight, but faint, wish that Marcel would win just to piss everyone on the show off and to prove that wanna-be white rapper avant-garde gastronomiques with hobbit hairdos, intensely dweebish persnonality flaws, and the propensity to say "surf's up, bra" sometimes actually win. But as Marcel himself would say, really, whatever, dude.

On the upside, the premiere of "Top Design" was a total hoot! Although the actual designs were kind of boring and far too "tasteful" to be any fun (I was really hoping for some over-the-top wacky 1960s-shagadelic-spaceship-meets-Cher's-house-type craziness), the contestants are a delightfully arrogant bunch of egomaniacal gay-to-gayest gay guys and beyotchy beyotches (with a couple of de rigeur sadsacks and freaks thrown in for good measure), everyone's favorite designer Todd Oldham is as sweet and cute as ever (albeit he's a teensy bit too orange-toned and has developed an even odder speaking cadence than he had way back when on MTV's "House of Style"); Jonathan Adler is going to exceed my already-high expectations for a) great taste and b) great quotable quotes; and the show had the genius to have Alexis "Eva Destruction" Arquette as the show's first extra-special guest judge! Plus the contestants get quite a lot of time and money to throw around--the teams on this episode got their own personal carpenters, two whole days, and $50,000 to design a "relaxing retreat" out of empty white rooms in L.A.'s Pacific Design Center.

This show really surpassed my expectations, and after the fiasco that was season two of "Top Chef," Bravo had to do a lot to win my affections (if not my eternal viewing, since apparently I will watch the crappiest reality shows known to man if Bravo airs them because I AM TOTALLY BRAVO'S BITCH. Hello, season two of sucktastic "Workout"! I'm so there!), and they succeeded.

Bravo, Bravo! Bravo!

1 comment:

sparee said...

I watched bits of this but Todd Oldham's speaking style was freaking me out. Disturbing to the point that I had to change the channel several times... then I missed out on lots of scenes so I'm not really sure why John and Michael (not even really sure those are their names) hate each other so much, but man, those are a couple of bitchy queens!

LOVED Jonathan Adler's "See ya later, Decorators" line as those ladies got the boot.