Yes, it's time to get your rhyming dictionaries out and make up silly noms de scandale for whomever we think the latest celebrity "blind item" is about. The British gossipeers Popbitch provided us with this tantalizing tidbit:
Which sharp-tongued fashion designer made a spectacle of himself at a brothel in Rio this year? At brothel 202, the fashionista asked for the three biggest black guys to shag him, but had forgotten to douche so sprayed the room with poo.
Well, now let's see. Is there such a thing as a straight, non-"sharp-tongued" fashion designer? No, there isn't. But I hope and pray to sweet baby Jesus that this particular fashionista's name rhymes with Snarl Soggermeld. He's so skinny these days that it seems like three giant Braizilian male hookers might snap him like a twig, but, then again, I hear those Teutonic types have bottomless reserves of steely inner strength underneath their tight black trousers and shiny boots....
Any other guesses? Funny pun-puns? Achtung! Leave them in ze comments box, or "Colonel Kink" vil make you spray ze room vith poo!
Whoever came up with "Pull Durham" wins the secret, unofficial, and unannounced Felt Up "Kevin Costner Masturbation-Related Movie Title Pun" Contest. Congratulations, Anonymous! You win Felt Up's eternal admiration and undying respect, which usually require a few rounds of nice scotch-n-sodas to purchase, so kudos to you!