Wednesday, December 13, 2006

His Wife Screwed A Dwarf In The Nursery AND In The...

On last night's season finale of "Nip/Tuck" there was:

One scene of the two plastic surgeons boxing up the sadsack surgeon's belongings, while the couple who bought his house burn clumps of sage in some new-agey/yuppie attempt to "purify" the negativity and/or bad vibes left by the previous owners; the supposedly rat bastard surgeon tells them to go in the nursery, where the supposedly nice surgeon's "wife screwed a dwarf."

One sage-burning couple leaving after encountering "the handyman," who turns out to be evil-doer/two-time face transplant recipient/organ-thief ringleader, Escobar, who demands that the two surgeons come to his home to help his wife. Ay carumba!

One totally and completely awesome wife of Escobar, played with fiery, befurred intensity by Idalis DeLeon, whom the TV Guide "Nip/Tuck" blog identified as a former MTV VJ and a member of a group called Seduction who had a song called "Two To Make It Right."
UPDATE 12/14/06: Friend of Felt Up Terri R. just informed me that Idalis also played the stripper with whom Rico had a semi-affair on "Six Feet Under," plus she is 40 years old, which makes her even more awesome! Viva Idalis DeLeon! Viva!

One Senora Escobar explaining to the two surgeons that she needs breast surgery because she was tortured and de-breasted by Columbians who were seeking revenge for the fact that their sister lost her own boobs when Escobar's drug-filled implants exploded in her chest; Escobar offers them $250,000 in cash to perform the operation.

Two ridiculously pious surgeons refusing to do the procedure.

One Escobar in the supposedly rat bastard surgeon's boss lady/fiancee's car, where he demands that she come up with some more organs; she refuses; he tells her that if he can convine her fiance to do his wife's surgery, they will be even and she won't have to participate in the organ-theft ring any longer.

One extremely dumb boss lady/fiancee trying to get breast surgery tips from the sadsack surgeon.

One sadsack surgeon visiting his creepy Michael Jackson-lookalike son and giving him a check for some portion of the sale of his house and his part of the plastic surgery practice; the creepy son admits that he knows his former porn star/current Scientologist/pregnant wife only married him to get back at the supposedly rat bastard surgeon.

One ormer porn star/current Scientologist/pregnant wife taking the big, fat check out of her creepy husband's hand as he leaves to change clothes; she admits to the sadsack surgeon that she is "trying" to love her creepy husband.

One extremely dumb boss lady/fiancee attempting to perform the procedure on Senora Escobar.

One extremely angry supposedly rat bastard surgeon discovering his fiancee in the surgery with Senora Escobar on the table.

One confrontation that finally leads to the supposedly rat bastard surgeon finding out all about his boss lady/fiancee's involvement with Escobar and his organ-theft ring.

Two extremely angry surgeons performing the surgery on Senora Escobar with lesbian nurse/organ-theft victim/Escobar shooting victim Liz assisting.

One recovering Senora Escobar asking Liz about her helping with her breast reconstruction (which magically grew new skin where hers had been removed by the Columbians); Liz tells her that she feels sorry for her for having to be married to the "monster" Escobar.

One Escobar going in to inspect his wife's "new titties," when Liz comes in with a gun and points it at Escobar!

One Senora Escobar taking the gun away from Liz!

One Senora Escobar shooting her husband dead!

One scene of the surgeons and Liz buying several giant hams!

One scene of the surgeons and Liz tying the giant hams to various parts of Escobar's body and then leaving it out to be eaten by an alligator!

One incredibly gay-in-a-lame-way montage of the cast members lip-synching the lyrics of "Brighter Discontent" by The Submarines (thanks again for the info, TV Guide blog!), while we see their lives unfolding: The supposedly rat bastard surgeon and his boss lady/fiancee drifting apart; the sadsack surgeon moving to L.A.; the creepy son and his former porn star/current Scientologist/pregnant wife sleeping in the same bed and trying (and apparently failing) to make it work; Liz being sad that she is forced to lip-synch.

One scene of the sadsack surgeon interviewing at some plastic surgery mill in L.A. and taking the sadsack job he is offered, even though he is clearly overqualified for it.

One scene of the sadsack surgeon about to operate on a patient with the awed assistance of Danny Strong (of "Buffy" semi-fame), when in walks the supposedly rat bastard surgeon, who informs the sadsack surgeon that he and the boss lady have broken up and he is moving to L.A. to open another practice with the sadsack!

One blogette excited over the prospect of a "Dr. 90210"-themed Season Five of "Nip/Tuck"!

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