Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Another Day, Another Camelot In Ashes

By now probably everyone who cares about this kind of crapola knows that Vaughniston have broken up--and apparently this time it's for reals. However, unless you religiously peruse the Star Magazine website--as is your humble blogette's wont--you might not know about this lil' nugget of info:
Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn had not split up before Thanksgiving. In fact, the former Friend tried to convince her on-again, off-again boyfriend to make the 12-hour flight from London (where he's been filming the comedy Fred Claus) to L.A., to join Jen for the holiday. When he turned her down, she ended up alone joining best friend Courteney Cox-Arquette and hubby David Arquette.

As for Vince, he hopped a three-and-a-half-hour flight to Budapest. On Nov. 25, while dining in a local restaurant with two pals, Vince befriended three female students at a nearby table — including Laura Mallory Lane, 20, a junior at Trinity University in San Antonio, Texas, who was on holiday while studying abroad in Rome.

The group proceeded to have a cocktail-fueled evening that ended with Vaughn and Lane (who goes by her middle name of Mallory) in bed together — all of it documented in an e-mail entitled, "I shacked with Vince Vaughn" that Lane sent to 22 of her Gamma sorority sisters two days later, says a source!

When the bars had closed at 2 a.m., Mallory wrote that the group ventured back to Vaughn's hotel and Vaughn asked her to stay for another drink — which she did. "I did not feel pressured at all," Mallory wrote.

"We talked some more (and yes, we talked about Jen), and one thing led to another and obviously we were messing around before too long. We didn't have sex, but it was just as good :)..."

Nevertheless, it wasn't a good thing for Jen. Star alerted Jen's reps to our story and lo and behold the couple announced their final breakup!

Behold, ladies and gentleman of the Felt Up jury, EXHIBIT A, a facsimile of the incriminating (and incredibly tacky) e-mail sent out to the Trinity University Gamma sorority by their travelin', man stealin' sister:

And EXHIBIT B, a yearbook photo of the "lady" herself!

Naturally, this girl looks like a younger, toothier version of Jennifer Aniston. How totally unsurprising! I love that she goes to Texas' own Trinity University, which is a small college just a hop, skip, and jump down the road from Felt Up HQ. Trinity's motto is "Dream. Inspire. Achieve," and I think our lil' soho did all three! Go, Trinity!

Jennifer Aniston needs to figure out a way to be less of a sadsack when it comes to her relationships. We can only feel sorry for her for so long, and really, how bad can you feel for a multi-gazillionaire movie and tv star just because she's been unlucky in l'amour? She's always so dour and glum and downtrodden in her black Armani sheaths. Maybe she's been doing The Zone for too long, it has just sucked the life right out of her.

Listen, Jen: Vince is Good Times Central, lady! He wants pillow fights with sorority girls from Texas, not one edamame bean and a plain salmon filet with the skin removed served on a bed of steamed spinach! Anyone could tell that just by looking at him. What did you really expect?


Abe-O said...

So they split over Thanksgiving plans? That is unfortunate.

Erica said...

I thought Trinity's motto was "Blow,smoke and go!!". But I could be mistaken. erica