Monday, November 20, 2006

There's Nothing Like A Sham Marriage To Set The World's Toes A' Tappin'

Jeez, man. You leave town for a few days and all gossip hell breaks loose! Let's see, since Wednesday:

A holy, sacred faux TomKat All Scientologist/All Armani wedding ceremony was held in Italy and it ended in a never-ending kiss that may cause Felt Up's very own never-ending barf.

Either Katie has undergone a traditional Scientology pre-wedding leg-shortening operation, or Tom's cuban heels are doing wonders!

Also, it turns out that Chris Klein's baby may have every parent's nightmare--the dreaded birthmark. Oh, the humanity!

Michael "Kramer" Richards screamed racial epithets at two black men in the audience at his stand-up performance, which was conveniently all caught on tape. Not that there's anything wrong with th--oh, wait. Crap. I just hate it when "Seinfeld" lines don't work perfectly in every single situation life has to offer, don't you?

Britney Spears made yet another in a series of smart, tasteful decisions about the men in her life.

Pete Doherty was arrested with a white-dreadlocked "colleague" for yet another in a series of smart, tasteful decisions about the drugs in his life.

Last, and definitely least, Lindsay Lohan once again made the world her gynecologist and/or Waxing Appreciation Society by showing off her naked hoo-ha (NSFW and NSAE --Not Safe After Eating).

Whew! I need a vacation--or at least a long, scalding hot shower!


TrAngela said...

I'd like to mention that the "long kiss" at the wedding, where the guests had to yell at them to stop is like another interesting wedding. That of our dear friend Liza and her ex-husband david gest. hmmmmmmm.

welcome back!

Shannon said...

Really, how difficult is it to just put on some panties? Does La LiLo think everyone wants to see her lady bits? Is there a drastic shortage of cotton or silk that I am somehow unaware of? I don't understand why it is just too hard to put on a damn pair of panties! If I were an ad person with Victoria's Secret, I would soooo use this as a marketing tool -- "Don't get caught showing your secret!", etc. Yuck.