Thursday, October 26, 2006

You Don't Have To Be Tall To Rule My World, I Just Want Your Extra Time And Your...


On the last episode of "Nip/Tuck" there was:

One reappearance of Mrs. Grubman, the wealthy plastic surgery addict, who is now dying of lung cancer, being taken care of by sassy, fabulous and thick home healthcare worker Mo'nique, and demanding post-death liposuction and various nip/tucks from the supposedly rat bastard plastic surgeon so that she looks dynamite in her coffin.

One sassily pissed-off Mo'nique after the supposed rat bastard plastic surgeon offers her free lipo; she loves every pound, as she well she should! Viva Mo'nique! Viva!

One supposedly nice plastic surgeon taking his young daughter and lobster-clawed baby to a pancake house, where he ends up punching the father of a chubby kid who makes fun of the lobster-clawed baby's lobster claws.

One lawsuit for assault against the supposedly nice plastic surgeon.

One flashback to the supposedly nice plastic surgeon's own childhood, in which his face is hidden in such a way to suggest an unspeakable deformity; his parents argue over whether or not they should use his $5,000 college fund to fix the mystery disfigurement.

One scene of the supposedly rat bastard surgeon making a house call to Mrs. Grubman, who is refusing to eat--either to speed up her death or to make her herself even thinner in her casket, or both; Mo'nique is fed up in a sassy way; the supposed rat bastard surgeon's heart o' gold is getting bigger--he offers Mrs. Grubman free Botox for every spoonful of soup she eats and also shows genuine remorse that he didn't visit her more often during her recovery from a stroke; Mrs. Grubman tells the supposedly rat bastard surgeon that she loves him. Aww!

One scene of the supposedly nice surgeon's wife asking him to try and talk the chubby kid's father out of suing them.

One supposedly nice surgeon going to the chubby kid's little league game to talk to the father, which leads to another flashback to his childhood; his father plays ball with him but won't let him try out for a team because of the misery the other kids and the coach would surely inflict on him for his unspeakable mystery disfigurement.

One scene of the supposedly nice surgeon's wife in a meeting with both surgeons and the special lobster-de-clawer surgeon, during which the super-hot male little person night nurse makes an appearance to ask questions about the possible scary memories involving giant teddy bears that might be caused by operating on an infant.

One super-hot male little person night nurse telling the supposedly nice surgeon's wife that he is causing too much turmoil in the house and must leave.

ONE SUPER-HOT MALE LITTLER PERSON NIGHT NURSE IN A PASSIONATE KISS WITH THE SUPPOSEDLY NICE SURGEON'S WIFE!!!!!!AAAAAAAAH! WEEEEEEEE! HUZZAH!

One scene of a sassy Mo'nique and Mrs. Grubman arriving for her Botox injection; before the supposedly rat bastard surgeon can give it to her, she dies in his office.

One operation on Mrs. Grubman by the supposedly rat bastard surgeon during which there is a fantasy sequence with Burt Bacharach accompanying a singing Mrs. Grubman.

One huge church filled with empty seats; no one but Mo'nique and the supposedly rat bastard surgeon showed up for Mrs. Grubman's funeral; Mo'nique sassily informs him that Mrs. Grubman left only some "old lady muu-muus" to Mo'nique, and the rest of her fortune was left to the surgeon in the form of a fund for people who can't afford plastic surgery.

One supposedly rat bastard plastic surgeon attempting to read his prepared eulogy to an empty chapel before giving up and almost walking away, then coming back to tell Mrs. Grubman's corpse that although she was a pain in the ass, he loved her, too. Aww!

One flashback of the supposedly nice plastic surgeon as a child going out for the baseball team despite his father's objections and getting his picture taken with a baseball bat.

One supposedly nice plastic surgeon explaining to his wife that he never told her before about his own disfigurement; he pulls out the photo of himself with the baseball bat, and we see that his unspeakable deformity was actually a run-of-the-mill harelip; he tells his wife that his mother used the college fund to have his harelip fixed, which eventually led to his father abandoning the family because he had "lost control" of it; no explanation is forthcoming on why the supposedly nice surgeon has no scar from the operation.

One operation on the lobster-clawed baby, sadly not performed to the tune of "Rock Lobster."

One flashback to the supposedly nice plastic surgeon as a child recovering from his harelip-ectomy, with his dad shoving a giant teddy bear into his hospital bed and then leaving.

One set of previews indicating that the super-hot male little person night nurse wants to have painful leg-stretching surgery because he is madly in love with the supposedly nice surgeon's wife AND that the supposedly rat bastard surgeon is in imminent danger of losing his kidney to Madame Jacqueline Bisset's organ theft ring, which includes his former interracial adulterous lover/boss lady!

One blogette about to pee her pants with anticipation!

6 comments:

TrAngela said...

"rat bastard surgeon" is a term of endearment, right?

I heart this show SO much!!!

Anonymous said...

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED WITH KIMBER???????? I thought her and Michael Jacksonia where going to make sweet SCIENTOLOGY LOVE!?!?!?!?

I can't believe the BEST quote of nip/tuck was off that episode....."I am sure there some chapter in Dianetics that will help you get through all this"

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Shannon said...

I couldn't believe the brat at the restaurant. Or his father. Do people actually allow their children to make fun of other people's appearances? Is this what passes for parenting today? Maybe it's just because I grew up with a physically handicapped mom, but I will seriously slap the shit out of anyone who makes fun of someone's handicaps. That kid and his father have been beaten Guantanemo-style.

Anonymous said...

I was saddened that after her awesome "fat power" speech, Mo'nique decided to get free lipo from the Grubman Fund. For shame, Mo'nique. For shame.

Best show ever!

Terri R.