Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Nip/Tuck Round Up!

Last night on "Nip/Tuck" there was:

One montage showing the inter-racial adulterous love that is blossoming between a plastic surgeon and his boss lady.

One Madam, played to perfection by Miss Jaqueline Bisset, blackmailing the plastic surgeon with photos of his adulterous inter-racial love affair with his boss lady to pay her the money owed to her by the boss lady, after noting quite bitchily that the plastic surgeon prefers "the darker varietals"--of wine, of course.

One white trashy Powerball Lotto winner, played with an incongruous New Yawk accent by Ms. Rosie O'Donnell, who demands liposuction for herself, "new titties" and a belly button overhaul for her southern-accented teenage daughter, and a penis enhancement for her southern-accented husband.

One creepy teenage son gathering trash on the side of the road in the name of Scientology community service.

One scene of liposuction performed to the Art of Noise's version of "Money (That's What I Want)."

One fancy Porsche bought for creepy son to bribe him out of Scientology.

Once fancy diamond ring bought to bribe wife after adulterous affair with would-be night nurse/nanny/potential stalker.

One "deprogrammer" hired to kidnap and de-brainwash the Scientology out of creepy son.

One utterly failed kidnapping attempt, foiled by agility and wiliness of creepy son, aided and abetted by phalanx of even creepier Scientology thugs.

One scene of white trash Lotto winner's daughter engaging in a sexual act with her stepfather, witnessed by mother and plastic surgeon in extremely awesome tacky bedroom.

One "indecent proposal" by white trash Lotto winner to buy sex with plastic surgeon for $400,000.

One scene of sad, unfulfilling sex on a zebra skin rug in front of a large mirror.

One scene of the plastic surgeon paying Jaqueline Bisset with the indecent proposal money on behalf of his boss lady/adulterous inter-racial lover, unbeknownst to the boss lady.

One long montage set to The Rolling Stones' "Gimme Shelter" that shows:

--One scene of Jaqueline Bisset telling boss lady she still owes her and forcing her back into what appears to be prostitution.

--One scene of boss lady at a bar, picking up a man.

--One scene of Jaqueline Bisset, in black trench coat and sunglasses, in a hotel room with the boss lady, cutting out the liver of the man who got picked up at the bar (!)

--One scene of ill-fated re-marriage of plastic surgeon, attended by their daughter and lobster-clawed baby.

One set of previews indicating that the would-be night nurse/nanny has indeed become a stalker and may or may not be pregnant with love child of adulterous plastic surgeon (!)


Anonymous said...

Do you think they have "de-programmers" for bad dressers?

Honestly, this show gets more and more amazing EVERY WEEK!!! And, Dr. Christian Troy gets hotter and hotter. I think I'm going to set up a lemonade stand to raise money for some one-on-one time with Dr. Christian Troy. He laid out his rates last night. I have something to work towards.

Anonymous said...

I believe Felt Up is mistaken- Art of Noise never covered "Money"-
Perhaps Felt Up confused them with Flying Lizards?

I'm bitchy this way.

jennifer said...

Ahh, yes, thanks for the correction. I'm always getting my 1980s-arty-Euro-bands-who-covered-1960s -classics mixed all went by in a blur!