Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Blonde On Blonde

Holy celebuwhores, Batman, we've got a totally awesome catfight on our hands! TMZ reports that human stain Paris "P. Hole" Hilton got into a shoving/punching brawl with Shanna "The Future Ex-Mrs. Barker" Moakler at (where else?) ridiculous L.A. celeb hangout, Hyde. And Greek shipping heir/attention slut//pawn in Lindsay Lohan's love games Stavros Niachros was involved, too! Huzzah!
TMZ has learned that Paris Hilton and Shanna Moakler have both filed police reports early Wednesday morning, alleging each was attacked. Paris says Moakler socked her in the jaw. Moakler claims Paris' ex shoved her down some stairs.

Elliot Mintz, Paris' publicist, tells TMZ that his client was at Hyde nightclub Wednesday night and at approximately 1:10 a.m. she says she was approached by Shanna, who allegedly began screaming obscenities at her. Hilton says at that point Moakler struck her in the jaw with a closed fist as she continued to shout profanities. Mintz says Moakler was restrained and several people helped Paris exit Hyde. Mintz says Hilton never touched Moakler.

Mintz and Hilton then went to the LAPD's Hollywood Division where she filed a police report, alleging battery.

We're told Moakler also went to the station to file a report against Paris' companion that evening, Stavros Niarchos, alleging that he poured a drink over her head. A source tells TMZ that Moakler alleges that Niarchos shoved her down some stairs.

We're told police took photos of both women at the station, though it's unclear if either showed visible signs of injury.

Mintz told TMZ, "I would encourage Paris, with the consent of her attorney, to seek a restraining order against Moakler to prevent any escalation of this irrational and dangerous behavior."

OK, so far, so great! But wait, the best is yet to come:
We're told some of the dancers from "Dancing with the Stars" witnessed the incident. Moakler was a contestant on the show but has already been eliminated from the competition.

Sources tell TMZ the bad blood between Hilton and Moakler is over Hilton's friendship with Travis Barker, Moakler's estranged husband. A source in Paris' camp claims Moakler recently left "menacing" phone messages on Hilton's answering machine.

Recently, TMZ cameras caught Hilton in a passionate liplock with Moakler's estranged husband Travis Barker during a wild night out at a Manhattan night club.

Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease let P. Hole and/or Stavros go to jail! Sadly, I doubt that P.Hole will do any time for her DUI charge, but maybe if Shanna can prove that Stavros threw her down a flight of stairs....a girl can dream, can't she? Dreaming is free, is it not?

The Barkers in happier, Paris-free times. What is it about this guy that reminds me of Jeffy Dahmer from "Project Runway?" It's reallly bugging me! I feel like it's on the tip of my tongue...about to bite me in the neck, even...what could it be?

This story has it all--someone being mean to Paris, someone punching Paris in the face, Stavros Niachros being a retarded he-man woman-abuser to a Playboy Playmate, witnesses who also happen to dance on "Dancing With The Stars" (now that they've had the Scissor Sisters on there, DWTS is fast becoming the awesomest show on TV--after "Nip/Tuck," of course!). The only thing that could've made it better? A pre-catfight dance-off, of course! But, hey. We already have the moon, so why ask for the stars?

I'll say it again: HUZZAH!

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