Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Jonesin'

I don't have much time for pithy remarks today, as I have to prepare not only for the Cupcake Happy Hour at my place of business, Blue Velvet, but also for Kim McLagan's memorial service this evening at Zilker Rock Garden. (Many thanks, again, for all the kind words.)

But I am not made of stone. I am but flesh and blood, and I knew that I would be remiss in my duties as your humble Felt Up blogette if I did not relay this wondrously fabulous report on iconic, legendary, Felt Up fave rave, Miss Nutty Nutball Herself, Grace Jones, from This Is London, via the WOW Report:
Wearing a ski hat and a top made out of what appeared to be black clingfilm, Grace Jones produced a bravura performance to overshadow Patrick Swayze's opening night in the West End.

The singer/actress was invited to the aftershow party in Soho and her act was pure Jones. One eyewitness described her look as that of a "Smurf gone wrong". Some suggested that next time the diva gets dressed she should take off the dark glasses first.

Then she performed her trademark slap - the one that decked chat show host Russell Harty - not just once, but repeatedly. This time, the target of her affectionate punching was a young photographer.



After hitting the paparazzo with her customary vim and vigour, she gave him a kiss and a cuddle. Then she pulled out a middle finger and waved it around - no doubt testing wind direction and speed - before appearing to delve into her blouse and threatening to display her left breast.

Jones was accompanied by Viscount Wimborne, to whom she has been engaged for two years. Aged 41, he is 17 years her junior and has earned the soubriquet "Edward Scissorhands" for his unkempt appearance.



He is spending £10million on restoring his family's Northamptonshire estate after inheriting £30million in 1993. Should the couple ever marry, Jones would become the Viscountess of Ashby St Ledgers.

And what did Jones make of Swayze's debut? "I thought he was fantastic," she declared while not hitting our reporter, "I love Guys And Dolls as I'm from a religious family so I can identify with it. I would like to play the part of a missionary in the show."

Oh, God, how I've missed Grace Jones! Dressed like "a Smurf gone wrong," shooting the bird, almost exposing a boob, engaged to a man 17 years younger who looks like Edward Scissorhands, in line to become a Viscountess--she is living the Felt Up Dream! I feel sort of renewed, like I've been Born Again. She is living proof that all is not lost! She gives me hope to carry on! She lights up my life! She is the wind beneath my wings! I want to kiss the hem of her black cling-film garment!



Is she the living God?




Perhaps. Who knows for sure? All I do know is that that which Grace Jones has brought together, let no man put asunder.



AMEN.

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