Friday, August 11, 2006

How Much Blacker Could Gwyneth Paltrow Be? None. None More Black.

Somehow I missed seeing until today the new ad by insufferable holier-than-thou sourpuss Gwyneth Paltrow, who manages to make even a campaign for African AIDS relief almost unbearably pretentious and enraging:

Luckily, Gawker had the bright idea to invite Photoshopped mockery of the ad, which led to these submissions:

The Swayze one is a reference to his being the latest celeb to defend M.A.D.D. Max's meltdown.

Here's my wee entry into the fray:

Sometimes less is more. Of course, with Paltrow, less is usually just less.

UPDATE: Just for comparison's sake, here is another ad from the same campaign, featuring Liv Tyler:

Same concept: Rich, white, famous actress dons African Lite adornment, claims to be African, all for worthy cause. But without that indefinable, elusive Paltrow ick factor, the irritation level is about a 4 instead of a Gwyneth Level 10. It's all in the eyes: Liv Tyler looks into the camera with a sweet, wide-open, sort of innocent-but-knowing look (which is part of her whole persona), while La Paltrow is physically incapable of anything other than a haughty, I AM YOUR SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY look.

Plus I hate everything about Gwyneth. EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING! I don't care how much money she raises for African children with AIDS! I HATE HER! AAAAAAAH!


impychimp said...

Oooooohh MAN. Please, please please let this be something she has to apologize for for the rest of her frigid career. I'm off to post this on highly volitile chat forums with lots of politically sensitive wimmyn.

backwoods madam said...

Once again, dear Jennifer, your wonderfully descriptive words fit Ms. Incredibly Annoying perfectly! She's just plain icky!