Monday, July 24, 2006

What's Your Definition Of Dirty, Baby

Poor George Michael! His sex life has once again been splashed all over the tabloids! (The real George Michael, that is, not the one Michael Cera played on "Arrested Development." Boy, do I miss that show. It better win some Emmys this year, or else! But I digress.) Apparently, Mr. Michael went to a park in London for a little bit of the ole slap-n-tickle with a stranger, and the News of the World just happened to be there:
MEGA-RICH pop superstar George Michael this week sank to new levels of depravity—trawling for illegal gay sex thrills in a London park.

News of the World investigators caught the singer red-handed and red-faced as he emerged from the bushes after cavorting with a pot-bellied, 58-year-old, jobless van driver.

When challenged George, 43, was wild-eyed and trembling. Trying to hide his face under a baseball cap, he screamed:

"I don't believe it! F*** off! If you put those pictures in the paper I'll sue!"

Minutes earlier the one-time heart-throb had been lurking in the shadows at the notorious homosexual pick-up spot on Hampstead Heath.

George is a man with the world at his feet. He's on the brink of a lucrative 50-concert comeback tour, which sold out in half an hour.

Yet he ignored all the risks and dangers to pull seedy Norman Kirtland.

The pair kissed and groped each other before going even further. It was all in a public place and totally illegal — just like the day in 1998 when George flashed at an undercover cop in a California park toilet.

After the shock of being confronted by us, George stumbled to his flash Mercedes coupe, retrieved his keys from their hiding place on top of the rear wheel and roared off into the night — back to his world of showbiz, celebs and glitz.

The main problem the News seems to have with this encounter is that the man George hooked up with has a pot belly and is "seedy":
Meanwhile his new buddy Kirtland crept from the undergrowth looking sheepish and rushed to his Ford Transit van. As he opened the door a grubby, stained mattress was clearly visible in the back.

We later tracked him to his home 60 miles away—a squalid flat in Brighton, East Sussex.

Looking gross and dishevelled, Kirtland answered the door naked — pulling on grimy shorts as he invited us in.

The News was able to hide its disgust long enough to persuade Kirtland to pose for some glamor shots on the beach, however:

"Father Figure," indeed.

Ech. I feel sorry for George Michael; he seems to be on some kind of downward spiral. Even if he doesn't care about the effect on his career, surely it's dangerous to pick up strange men in the park in London. What about Jack The Ripper? American werewolves? Zombies? Pete Doherty? Plus he has a seemingly saint-like boyfriend, Kenny Goss!

I wonder if he's got "Took Too Long To Come Out of the Closet, Now On A Sex And Drug Rampage Syndrome"? (Take note, Dave Navarro!)


Anonymous said...

from Terri R., some Wham! Rap lyrics:

I may not have a job,
But I have a good time,
With the boys that I meet "down on the line"
I said, I - DON'T - NEED - YOU
So you don't approve,
Well who asked you to?
This boy's got better things to do
I ain't never gonna work, get down in the dirt,
I choose, to cruise.

math t said...

yeah, those pictures. wow.

Norman is pretty harsh!

'I admit I was there for sex. But I'm astonished a man as famous as George should even think about doing it. It's potentially so dangerous'...

'I drove from Brighton to cruise the park, but shame on George' [?]

that shot where Norman is sitting in the tire... is just incredible.

i also wonder when he will cross paths with Pete Doherty. survivors both, they are.

math t said...

^sorry, he being George Michael, of course, not Norman.