Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Happiness Is A Warm Gunn

Last night Boyfriend of Felt Up Chepo P. and I were watching VH1's "Best Week Ever," as is our wont (well, perhaps more my wont than his), and who pops up as a commentator? Mr. TIM GUNN! And he wasn't just gabbing about "Project Runway," either! He was telling jokes and making fun of the week's entertainment stories just like Christian Finnegan or Frangela! I have to say, once the initial novelty wore off, it was kind of disconcerting. I mean, I love "Best Week Ever," but shoving sweet, odd Tim Gunn out there to talk about head-butting soccer players or whatnot just seems to lack dignity. However, I'm all for Tim Gunn taking over the world (he's already gotten an enlarged role on the show and in the ads for "Project Runway," thank God) and if this is the first step on his path to a 24-hour Tim Gunn TV network, then so be it.

In other, less pressing, non-news, Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra have finally ended their sham marriage, and Dave already has a new beard. It just goes to show that all the stripper aerobics in the world can't keep a (closeted gay) man happy at home!

And now for something new: Can you guess who the celebrity is in this photograph? The answer is at the bottom of this post! (Hint: It is not Cyd Charisse!)

And finally, here's a juicy, if almost impossible to decipher, blind item from Ted Casablancas. I know it is very difficult to cut through Ted's patented gossip-ese, but try!
Oh, this one's rich. So much so I'm going to fling my pumped up, only slightly limp wrists right past that network pretty boy who's doing every gym-going dude he can, not to mention the gorgeous matinee idol's daddy who's practically doing the same, as of late. Rather predictable, both of these closeted guys, if you ask me.

More fun, in my jaded book, would be Plumper Dumper's newfound cojones. But let me, uh, back up first, 'kay?

Mr. Dumper, also a man known more for his male-on-male activities than his female goings-on, flabbergasted more than a few of us fruits when he married Bertha Broom-Rider. Suddenly, P.D. attempted to be more discreet in his fraternizing 'n' fellah-collecting--activities he did not curb once he walked down the aisle with B.B.R. Though few expected him to, 'course.

Not even Ms. B.R. She just didn't want to know exactly what it was her husband was doing hanging out with guys all the time. Maybe they were playing ball? Denial, denial, denial--sorta like my mama still expects me to ask out some nice girl, but never mind...

So, it was a mucho shockarooney to Bertha (but not the friends she blabbed to later) when Plumper officially came out of the closet recently. Just to his wife, mind you. And just to sweetly rub it in, Mr. Dumper chose one of his wife's worst days ever for the boy-bombshell delivery.

B.B.R. was the only one majorly surprised. No one else.

No wonder that babe's pro schedule is all atwitter--her noggin's, like, nowhere in the vicinity of reality.

(Oh, and for the tasty record,
the above network pretty boy will be making his own debut in these Blinded pages soon enough. He's too big not to.)

OK, let's start at the beginning. The "network pretty boy" has got to be the actor whose name rhymes with Messy Petcalf, who has a new teen movie coming out. The gay rumors have been flying fast-n-furious about him for a while now. The "gorgeous matinee idol"'s gay daddy, though? That seems tougher. The idol could be a guy or a girl, after all, but if it is a female, wouldn't it be delightful if it was the singer/"actress" whose name rhymes with Messica Limpson? If her dad, the oh-so-Christian minister, was gay, well, that would really make my day. Maybe even my whole year.

As for Plumper Dumper and Bertha Broom-Rider (oh, Ted), that's pretty hard to figure out, since Ted doesn't give very many details, not even their professions. He does say that it "ain't" Kathie Lee Gifford, Britney Spears, or Jennifer Lopez (heh, heh, and HEH!)...Could it possibly be someone as obvious as the lady whose name rhymes with Jar Cones-Henolds? She did have a bad career day recently...but that seems too easy, and beneath Ted's abilities. Any ideas? Funny rhyming names? Ted Casablancas-to-English dictionaries? Leave 'em in the comments box!

The picture is of BRITNEY SPEARS. Which admittedly might have been more difficult to ascertain if the photo did not say "BritneySpy.com" at the bottom, but I was too lazy to open PhotoShop and crop it. It's still a kooky picture, though, right?



Anonymous said...

Would you watch a reality show starring Frangela and Tim Gunn? I would!

Terri R.

porkmuffin said...

Brit looks like a man in that picture.

Anonymous said...

I really thought the picture was of Dave Navarro. Oh well.

~ Spare E