Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Girl In The Plastic Bubble (Skirt)

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Ach! Blogger has been acting up this morning to the point where I couldn't even look at Felt Up--as is my wont--and bask in its greatness! And my need to blog about "Project Runway" has me about to burst! But everything seems back online for now, so let's get on with the rehash! (Why can't I stop using exclamation points?!)

First of all, I have to say that I almost peed my pants with excitement when I found out that not only was the challenge to design an outfit "inspired" by dogs, but that one of the dogs was a Welsh Pembroke Corgi--the same as beloved Pet of Felt Up Bugsy! Wheeeeeeeeee!

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I watched with glee as the designers picked out their doggie muse; then the glee turned to fear as all the likable designers (Michael, Uli, Allison, Robert,Katherine,Bradley, Bonnie, Kayne) picked other breeds; and eventually the fear turned into absolute dread as it came down to Vincent, Keith,Jeffrey, Laura, and ewwww--Angela. I don't know if I could have forced myself to finish the rest of the episode if Angela The Bubble-Skirted Wonder had gotten her witch-like claws on a sweet, innocent Corgi, but luckily it ended up being the least-objectionable of the lot, Jeffrey (AKA Mr. Unflattering Tattoo That Draws Attention To An Oddly Proportioned Neck). I thought Laura was going to physically gag in revulsion at having to touch a dog--which begs the question, how did she ever tolerate having five children? (Friend of Felt Up Michele S.--who, like yours truly, suspects that Laura is actually a Male-To-Female transgendered person, might have had a surrogate go through all that yucky childbirth stuff for her.)

The challenge was not only to design an outfit for the model, but also to come up with a "narrative" about the person who might own the dog and to design something for the dog to wear! Yippee! Duh-duh! Duh-duh-duh! Duh-duh-duh-Duh! Dog Show!

The bulk of this episode was devoted to poor Spin Doctors-lead-singer-lookalike Bradley, whose birthday fell on judging day. He just seemed utterly lost, and Tim Gunn thought his top was a nightmare. From Tim's Take:
The top was a construction disaster. It looked as though he had sewn it with his feet. And the fraying at every seam and hem was horrifying.

The editors really tried to make it seem like there was no way Bradley was going to come out of this alive...

...And yet, of course, not only did he manage to get his outfit sewn together, but Nina Garcia liked the finished product so much that she gushed it could be photographed for Elle! You could have knocked me over with a feather. It didn't look terrible, but it sure wasn't something special. Vera Wang and hideous guest judge Ivanka Trump were enthralled with the sacklike, billowing top and plain wool skirt. Enthralled! I actually thought he might win the damn challenge!

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Bradley's design. Note the look on dog's face.

In the mean time, creepy Keith continued to produce beautiful work while annoying everyone (especially Laura The Former Architect And Possibly Former Man) and being
so arrogant as to not even bother to make an outfit for his dog. Tim and later the judges took him to task for this, but it was not enough to make him OUT. His dress was very pretty:

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Keith's design. Note naked dog.

Kayne's dress was fabulous, but since he had immunity from last week's win, the judges seemed to hardly take note of it. The show also continued its highly disturbing trend of completely ignoring Michael like he does not exist. His dress was amazing! Tim thought so, too:
Michael created one of the more innovative looks on the runway. His tan tweed dress with a criss-cross halter and two kick pleats in the skirt’s front was stunning. What I loved most about his innovation was the fact that this was still real clothing and not even remotely contrived or a joke. His corresponding outfit for Carly made the adorable pooch even more adorable. His design was another strong candidate for the win.

Hmmm...what is going on with the Michael shut-out on "Project Runway"? The judges never even mention him, and his screen time is practically nil. I also noticed that in the previews, they edited Heidi's comments about horrid Angela's outfit (about it being too booty-n-boobylicious) so that it looked like she was talking to Michael. Very odd, and perhaps not-so-subtly racist?

I didn't care much for Laura's furry-trimmed suit; it looked pretty nice, but it seems like everything she does is very similar. As Friend of Felt Up Rebekah M. said, she's very "one note." And that note is "rich beyotch." Also, the dog looked like it was wearing a beard. And it was real lamb's wool! Yuck!

Robert the Barbie Designer's outfit was nice, but a tad boring for my taste, and Vincent's managed to be both boring and grotesque:
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I didn't pay much attention to what Jeffrey, Mr. Unflattering Tattoo That Draws Attention To An Oddly Proportioned Neck, designed, because all I could look at was the Corgi! Flex the Corgi was wearing a delightful little shirt of some kind! And he either tripped on his sleeve or had an itchy ear, because Flex rubbed his sweet lil' head on the runway! Corgi! COOOOOOOORGI!

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Finally, it got down to the winner, who was Uli and her really amazing contrasting print dress, and the losers--Sporty Spice Katherine and, of course, Angela The Bubble-Skirted Wonder. Katherine's dress was dullsville, and Tim had tried to convince her to do a hooded jacket for the model that would match the one she did for the dog, but she ran out of time.

As for horrible Angela, of course she did a bubble skirt! That's all she knows! She actually wore one of her millions of bubble skirts to the runway, so she and her model were both standing there in ugly, shiny bubble skirts! Tim's take:
She has a point of view. There’s no question about that. And I suppose that it’s best described by looking at Angela: she is her own muse.

I'll say! And what on Earth could be worse than that?

I also can't help but think that there is an awful kind of Josephine Baker influence going on here. More subtle racism? Hmmmm....Maybe I'm reading too much into this because I despise Angela so much, but look:

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And the "narrative" that Angela came up with was totally and completely retarded. Tim says:
Who is this woman and where is she going with this dog? Answer: she’s British and works at a children’s art camp in Paris, and she’s hosting a birthday party for Pattycake. Huh? Why not just use that notorious explanation that we all love to hate: “She works in an art gallery.” Enough already!

Really, this look doesn't say "art camp counselor" so much as "1980s street-walker." Yes, I know I just said she looks like Josephine Baker, but both statements are true! Somehow!

In the end, the judges decided that Katherine's piece lacked ambition and was poorly executed, so she was OUT. Unfortunately for all of us watching at home, that also meant that Angela, The Bubble-Skirted Wonder, was f'ing IN. BOO! HISS!


Anonymous said...

Thank god you got this up! I've been abolutely DYING without it!

That pic of the Corgi in long-sleeves may possibly be one of the cutest things ever. After the Corgi, Stanley (Bradley's dog) was the cutest! Tim Gunn said Stanley was his favorite, due to his emotional neediness. Aww.

PS: I liked Kayne's and Michael's outfits a lot. They were robbed!

Terri R.

porkmuffin said...

I am also disturbed by the obvious lack of Michael on the show. His designs have been great and he seems to go about his business with little drama and much taste and talent. So basically, he's doomed. Also agreed that Kayne, Uli, and Neck Tat all had great outfits.

backwoods madam said...

I found your site by some cyber miracle! I've read your blog for the past several days and, my dear, I just can get enough of your wit and wonderful way with words!

Yes, I thought Ms Bubble Skirt should have been OUT, too! YUCK!!!

Can't wait to read more!!! You're wonderful!!!

backwoods madam said...

oh my. . .I meant to write,. . . I CAN'T get enough of your wonderful wit. . .

Please forgive me!

jennifer said...

Backwoods Madam: I can't get enough of your compliments--or your delightful name!

backwoods madam said...

Oh my, my. . .how sweet of you! You'll hear more from me, dear. You're the BESTEST!

backwoods madam

Angela said...

Local Poufy Skirt Incident: At an early dinner Saturday night, an Angela-inspired disaster of a poufy skirt danced around the host area. It was paired with cowboy boots and thought it was the cutest thing EVER.

Is the Bubble Skirt taking over the world? Has society lost any scrap of style it had? WHERE ARE THE GAYS?!?!?!?!

jennifer said...

Angela: Future generations may very well look back at this time and ask two questions:

1. How could the world stand by and allow the atrocities of Darfur?

2. How did the Gays let the bubble skirt back into the mainstream of fashion?

And we shall have no easy answers...