Monday, July 03, 2006

Free At Last, Free At Last, Thank God Almighty, She Is Free At Last!

Yes, our long national nightmare is over, as our First Lady of Hip-Hop, the fun-sized rapper and self-proclaimed "Queen Bee" and "Black Barbie Dressed In Bulgari," Lil' Kim, has finally been released from federal prison after serving 10 months of a 12 month sentence for perjury. According to CNN:
Lil' Kim celebrated Independence Day one day early with her release from a federal detention center Monday morning after nearly 10 months behind bars.

The rapper, who was sent to prison for lying about a shootout outside a New York radio station, walked out of the jail looking glamorous in sunglasses and an all-white, cleavage-baring outfit.

Carrying a balloon and a bouquet of white roses, she waved to dozens of cheering onlookers.

Some fans, near the silver Rolls Royce waiting for Kim, were carrying signs that said, "Welcome Home, Queen Bee." The car pulled into a nearby parking lot where she re-emerged to greet the throng.

"I love you," she said, blowing kisses.

Some fans stayed up all night to ensure they made it downtown in time for her 6 a.m. release.

"It was worth it," said Shakiyla Williams, 16. "She was the same Queen Bee -- fabulous."

As Tom Cruise once said so eloquently (about his Stepford Bride, not Lil' Kim, of course), I love this woman!

A silver Rolls? Throngs of fans who stayed up all night waiting just to catch a glimpse of the hem of her "all-white, cleavage-baring outfit" and sunglasses? She is my idol!

I love this woman!

The coverage continues over at the NY Daily News, which set the scene for Queen Bee's triumphant return:
An eclectic spread of soul food and a house full of family and friends await Lil' Kim when she arrives home at her New Jersey mansion today after being freed from prison.

The raunchy rapper will be greeted with barbecue chicken, macaroni and cheese, salmon pasta salad, rice and peas and a fruit plate from the Watt Co. when she walks in the door in Alpine, N.J., according to her spokeswoman.

A red velvet cake from Sean (Diddy) Combs' Justin's restaurant in Manhattan will also be waiting for her.

Besides the food, the pint-sized superstar will find a house filled with relatives and friends, including some she hasn't seen since she was imprisoned last September.

"Her family and friends will be there," said Tracy Nguyen, a spokeswoman for the rapper. "She'll be spending time with them."

Nicely done, Lil' Kim and your handlers. Soul food, "family and friends," cleavage--you have played this to perfection! First the "last-days-before-prison" reality show, then the crying over not being able to keep your weave in jail, and now this. Not since Martha Stewart's poncho have I seen such a masterful manipulation of federal-prison-related public relations! You are a national treasure! Brava!

Now you can focus on your family, your career, your new weave, getting some more corrective plastic surgery, and finding the perfect pastie--the way God intended!

1 comment:

Angela said...

If only we'd been there with the "throngs of people." If only . . .