Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Flushing With Pride

See, I told you there would be something meatier today, thanks to The WOW Report. First of all, they report, via CelebritySpotlight, that Madonna requires brand-new toilet seats installed at each venue of her tour:
Madonna requests and gets a new toilet seat in her dressing room for every performance on her Confessions tour.

"The seat has to be inspected by her people, then installed, with an unbroken seal, by plumbers before every gig," a source has revealed.

Every performance. Does that mean if she has two shows at the same venue, she gets two fresh seats? And why plumbers?

Here's what else she gets: three candles to protect her from negative vibes, a foot spa, a lavender and chamomile body soak, Kabbalah water, and a love seat.

Apparently the Material Girl is a bit of a germaphobe. She wasn't so particular when she let Vanilla Ice put his yucky hands all over her lady parts, now was she?

I suppose Her Madgesty would never consider something a little simpler, not to mention cheaper:

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This reminds me of the awesome story from a few years back that Barbra Streisand refuses to look at her own poo, and so has special toilets installed that allow her to flush without turning around. How does Babs know if she's got good poo or bad? According to Friend of Felt Up Terri R.'s favorite book You: The Owner's Manual, it is necessary to examine one's poo now and then to make sure one's bowels are working properly. Does some miserable Streisan underling come in and inspect it every so often, and send a specimen to the lab? It's these kinds of questions that keep your humble Felt Up blogette up at night, let me tell you...

Then the WOWers provide this photo of Lindsay Lohan at Jeremy "I Was Spiritually Awakened By Outdoor Yoga On My Healing Journey To India" Piven's 41st birthday party. La Lohan is wearing a skin-toned bikini and to my ancient eyes, she looks like a skanked-out whorebag on her way to the bathroom to lick the last particles of crack off her dealer's dirty boot, just before getting strangled by her mother's pimp in a twenty dollar snuff film:

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But maybe that's just me.

And, finally, George Michael's long-suffering American boyfriend Kenny Goss has--surprise!--called off their wedding after yesterday's report of Georgy Boy's romp in the park with a creepy old man. Stay tuned!

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