Friday, June 30, 2006

Star Jones: By Any Means Necessary

I don't care if you're all sick to death of Star Jones Reynolds! I can't get enough of her downfall! Too bad! Stop judging me! You're not my father!

Last night's appearance on "Larry King Live" was kind of a snoozefest, since Star decided to Take The High Road and not dis Barbara Walters (except to say that she was "hurt" by B.W.'s announcement of Star's "betrayal" on "The View"). Yawn! Star Jones, don't you know that we, the American tv-watching public, demanded nothing less than either a teary breakdown crying jag or a verbal asswhup of Baba Wawa, complete with sassy finger-snaps and Oprah-style faux ghetto talk? Have you learned nothing from your nine years on television?

Just kidding. I was rather amazed, however, at her total gall at claiming that not only had she never, ever implied that she had not had gastric bypass surgery, but that she had not actually tried to have her entire wedding to Big Gay Al provided free of charge. She tried to pass it off as a ploy cooked up by the network and the producers of "The View." HA!

It was also rather troubling to see how much of her sassiness (well, "sassiness" to some, "overbearing pushiness" to others) has been drained out her along with all that fat. She speaks in a wan, girlish whisper and seems like she's about to faint from lack of nutrients. Even Nicole Richie manages to have more pizazz on air, and she's living off four calories she consumed in 1999!

Also, after seeing the clips from "The View" on "Larry King," I was struck by how much younger and better Barbara Walters looks compared with Starzilla--and Barbara is approximately 102 years of age, so it is quite amazing!

There was lots of post-"Larry King" coverage of Ms. Jones Reynolds today. The NY Daily News published an article about Star's waning career and a letter from Star to her two fans, thanking them for the outpouring of love and support she has received:
Dear Friends,

How can I express my gratitude?

Thank you all for lending me your words of encouragement while going through such a challenging few days. I must say that had it not been for all of your e-mails and letters, this past week would have been very difficult.

It's like Maya Angelou has shared: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

Read the rest here. I love how she acts like she has written the "Letter From The Birmingham Jail," as if she was Martin Luther King valiantly fighting against the system for a greater good. Oh, Star. Star, Star, just got fired from a morning talk show, after making millions of dollars and getting your own Payless shoe section and a line of wigs. You are not Malcolm X!

Although it seems as if Star may try to dabble in politics, when she's not too busy dipping her dainty toes into the acting pool.

According to Ted Casablancas on E!Online:
Jones Reynolds hangers-on tell me the woman wants to enter into politics. Uhmawgawd! Jeez, isn't she already there, what with these heavy-handed machinations she's been pulling? Oh, the locale, so say these Jones Reynolds know-it-alls, for Ms. J.R.'s possible future stomping will be in--of all apropos places--Texas.

This is just perf.

Can't think of a big-ass state that deserves her more.

OK, stop right there, Casablancas! As a Texan, I resent that! What did we ever do to deserve Senator Star Jones Reynolds? Besides the Alamo, joining the Confederacy, killing J.F.K., and twice electing George W. Bush to the governorship, that is? Huh?

The rest of Ted's column is devoted to a behind-the-scenes look at his own appearances on "The View":
Every time I was on that morning talkfest, off-camera, the women--especially Barbara Walters and Joy Behar--were incredibly gracious with me. Oh, with the single exception of Star, that is. She would barely acknowledge me, even when I said hullo.

Mind you, I've never written more than three words about the woman, not really interested. But she always had a way of laser-daggering me with those little eyes of hers, as if she was going to hate me, regardless, just in case I ever did write something about her in the future.

Well, here it is, Ms. J.R.: I'm a writin' about you now, so maybe, just maybe, you were onto something all along.

No wonder Jones Reynolds isn't missed at The View, as has been widely reported. Do you know, I'm told, she attempted to have it written in her contracts what could--and could not--be said about her by others? Talk about an un-impromptu chitchat show! Also, S.J.R. rarely spoke with her coworkers, when the cameras weren't whirring. Certainly not when I was there. She was imperious, chilly and very impressed with herself, was the general consensus.

Well, of course Star was imperious and impressed with herself, Ted! You don't claw your way to the top of the tv heap by being a shrinking violet! (Although she is definitely shrinking in other ways.)

What will tomorrow's news bring? Stay tuned!

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