Thursday, June 29, 2006

Josh Duhamel's Waterloo?

So here's what's going on today in the exciting world of celeb non-news:

First up, Page Six reports that
TOMMY Lee got the better of "Las Vegas" hunk Josh Duhamel when the two rumbled at Bella nightclub in L.A. Tuesday night.

A witness tells us the drama unfolded after Duhamel pounded on the men's room door and yelled "Hurry up!" while Lee was inside.

"One of Josh's friends said, 'Stop, Tommy's in there,' " reports our spy.

"Josh replied, 'Tommy who? Tommy Lee, who cares?'

Tommy heard that and came out of the bathroom.

Words were exchanged and Josh ended up on the floor - I don't know if he was pushed or punched. Josh bolted outside and called for Tommy to meet him and 'fight like a man.'

Tommy was restrained and sent out the back door by security. Josh never did get to use the bathroom."

Dude, nobody disses Tommy Lee in a bathroom. All sensible people know that Tommy Lee has the emotional, intellectual, and mental development of a 14-year-old boy, so they damn well stay out of his way when there are toilets, large breasts, piles of cocaine, Vince Neil, or small children near swimming pools involved. (Oohh, did I just say that?) Not since The Great Bathroom Line Piven/Dorf Bitch Slap of 2006 have I heard of such pre-pubescently bad restroom etiquette from B-, C-, and D-List stars. Such gents in the gents these days!

Next we have a juicy blind item from Janet Charlton:
This he-man actor went to a swinging Beverly Hills party with a male friend and they encountered two playful strippers.

Fueled by liquor and drugs, the leading man and strippers ended up in the host's bedroom putting on an explicit show.

The guy got so carried away he pulled five or six onlookers to join in the orgy. And guess what - the sex-mad stud turned his attention to his male companion and forgot all about the girls!

He lived to regret the exhibitionist bisexual fling because Hollywood loves to gossip and that moment of madness caused everyone to re-evaluate his machismo!

Hmmm...once again, it could be anyone! Gay-leaning macho actors are a dime a dozn in Hollywood! However, "he-man" makes me think of the actor whose name rhymes with The Sock, or perhaps the one whose moniker sounds like Pin Measel, but what do I know? Got any better guesses or funnier rhyming names? Leave 'em in the comments box!

Next, from the UK Daily Mail, via the fabulous WOW Report, we have an in-depth investigation into the ravages of time on Madonna's claw-like hands:
At 47, Madonna has the body of a teenager but the hands of a grandmother.

Pictured yesterday leaving her gym after a workout, the material girl displayed hands that appeared to be ravaged by age, with bulging veins and paperthin skin that wrinkled as she clutched a bottle of mineral water.

Older women are particularly vulnerable to "ageing" hands because the menopause causes a drop in their levels of oestrogen - the hormone that helps to keep the skin plump and fleshy.

Ahh, the hands. This story reminds me of the movie "Fedora," about a Garbo-esque aging actress who always wears gloves to cover up her old, wrinkly hands even though plastic surgery has kept the rest of her looking pretty good. (If you haven't seen it, rent it! It's not the best Billy Wilder-directed movie--in fact, it may very well be the worst--but there's a twist at the end that will blow your mind! I am constantly referencing this movie in my daily life. Just ask Friend of Felt Up Terri R.)

Poor Madge. The entire planet lays awake at night thinking up ways to find flaws with her physique. Lord knows, I certainly do.

And finally, from Cityrag via JJB comes this admittedly cruel but pretty goddamned funny "Separated At Birth?" comparison of Ursula from "The Little Mermaid" and poor ole sadsack Britney Spears:

Oh, Brit. Don't despair! Everyone thinks Ursula is really attractive and just needs to hurry up and have that baby and dump her husband and she'll be right back to her old self again! And purple is a very pretty color!


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