Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Dance-Offs And Fag-Was!

Friend of Felt Up Terri R. sent in this, the top story in today's Page Six (with the bestest headline):

LINDSAY Lohan keeps such a busy social schedule that the fashion stylist she flew out from Los Angeles to keep her company in New York last week couldn't handle it and begged his friends for help to get home.

Nate Newell simply couldn't keep up with the 19-year-old, and after three days of keeping Lohan company as she promoted "A Prairie Home Companion," he'd had enough.

"Lindsay flew Nate out and said it would only be for a couple days," our source said. "She flew him out, put him up, paid for everything, and they had the best time . . . at first. But then Lindsay decided to stay. Nate couldn't take her constant partying. He didn't have the money to fly home, so concerned friends chipped in to buy him an immediate ticket out of there."
Lohan was said to be so upset to have been ditched that she text-messaged some friends: "[Newell] is dead to me." She was also saying that Newell owes her for his portion of the hotel room, plane ticket and other expenses.

Lohan's tireless publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, balked at any suggestion that Lohan's hard partying caused a rift. "Please," said Zelnick. "Nate came to accompany her to New York on her press tour. He had a great time . . . He had to get back to Los Angeles for work. He had a video shoot. But they are fine. There was no drama whatsoever."

But whether or not Newell and Lohan are still pals, anyone can understand why he might have collapsed with exhaustion.

In just seven days, Lohan got into several verbal spats with Paris Hilton over their mutual boy toy, Stavros Niarchos, was seen at Bungalow 8 almost every night, had a dance-off at P.M., partied at Marquee, deejayed in the street for a Gap event, was kicked out of the SoHo House and got into a fight with Sean Combs at Butter - where she also threw glasses at owner Richie Akiva, according to our spies.

She also went to Kate Moss' baby daddy Jefferson Hack's birthday party at fashionista Genevieve Jones' SoHo apartment, where she seemed to quaff her share of Palmes d'Or champagne.

The late nights and the loss of her friend Newell must have gotten to Lohan. Thursday night, the freckled redhead was spotted on a sofa in the Hotel Gansevoort lobby sobbing before she headed down to the hotel's G-Spa club. That was the last Lohan sighting before she left to go back to L.A.

There are many interesting elements to this hard-hitting report. First of all, as Terri R. points out, what is up with Page Six casually throwing in a tossed-off reference to a "dance-off"? WHAT DANCE-OFF? Why are there no details? Did Lohan get served? Did she bring da noise, bring da funk? Was she the dance-offee or dance-offer? Who was the opponent? O Page Six, I beseech the: PLEASE PROVIDE MORE INFORMATION ON THIS EVENT IN TOMORROW'S COLUMN!

I also thought it was rather telling that Lohan had to pay to have someone be her friend for a few days. It doesn't sound as though there was a lot of "styling" going on, after all...It's kind of sad, when you think about it. But luckily I'm way too busy wondering about the exact logistics of her alleged dance-off to worry about that.

So how does she do it? How does Lohan keep burnin' up the candle at both ends? Well, obviously, it's a simple case of youthful exuburance! She is just naturally energetic, even a little hyper, and that's all there is to say about that! I remember when I was 19 years old (since it was only last year), and I partied day-in and day-out with my escort-service-hired "stylist"--but I was always bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next morning, ready for my close-up.

Yes, it's a simple case of being young.

In other non-news, the NY Daily News has this little item featuring Elton John's husband:
Gay fashionistas, including Elton John's husband, David Furnish, were spitting mad last weekend after a bodyguard for Pharrell Williams cast them out of the hip-hop star's party lair in Milan.

Furnish, actor Rupert Everett and Burberry designer Christopher Bailey were among the stylish gents chilling in the VIP lounge at a GQ bash when a member of Pharrell's posse announced the party's star wanted more ladies in his presence.

Or, as the guy who delivered the eviction notice put it, "There's too much sausage [in the room]."

"It was disgusting and blatantly homophobic," says our spy, who was with the group. "We just left and issued a fag-wa against Pharrell. We hope his next album tanks."

Openly gay GQ editor Jim Nelson was allowed to stay, as was Everett, who was covering the Milan shows for Vanity Fair.

Afterward, a mortified GQ publicist apologized to the outcasts and invited them back. They refused.

Furnish confirmed to us that he'd been booted, but was impressed that Pharrell came over to sort things out at yesterday's Versace show.

"Pharrell was totally unaware of [the slight]," said Furnish. "It all came from a security guard. Pharrell said he felt awful."

OK, this isn't the most interesting story in the world, but I had to use it because it mentioned the word "fag-wa." Why haven't my gays told me about this delightful term? I have to remember to use that one in my daily discourse....and to figure out how I can work it into my new Myspace headline...

The best way to remember a new vocabulary word is to use it in a sentence, like: "If Bravo doesn't renew Kathy Griffin's show next year, we'll be forced to issue a fag-wa." (I am also partial to the word "gay-had," as in: "As part of our fundamentalist gay-had against the infidels who do not worship Liza Minelli, we must carry out a holy fag-wa.")

I love learning new vocab! Somebody come up with some more sentences that use our word(s) of the day and leave 'em in the comments box!

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